I want to talk about mental health - Sharing the story...

Some people find my story daunting, uncomfortable to read even, especially if they know me. Now you may ask, why have I shared?

The honest truth is that it was "by accident". Of course this makes little sense - to share such a story with so much naked truth to be by accident -, so please bear with me.

Years after being "cleared" of panic disorder, a day came when a senior exec couldn't understand or even accept why I refused the opportunity to stand on stage to share stories for a passion of mine - gender equality. He wanted to make a difference by triggering thoughts on the subject and felt my experience was relevant. I should stand on stage to share my perspective of how it felt to be an ambitious female in financial services. But I said no, and he was bewildered...

After some thought, I figured I had to explain myself. So I explained I suffered panic disorder a few years earlier, that panic lodged a number of phobias (driving, flying, trains, crowded places (malls) and public speaking. I got rid of the other phobias, but public speaking hadn't been dealt with, yet.

This was the first time I told this story to anyone besides professionals, my husband and my best friend. I respected this senior exec too much to come up with an excuse. I had to explain why I said no to going on stage. Besides, I felt it career limiting to just say NO!

A few of days later, a colleague and dear friend of mine was near tears at work. Let's call him Jack! Jack's daughter had attempted suicide, again. She was self-harming and running out of energy to face her challenges. I took him for coffee and tried to explain how I understood. But he would just say... "Ana, you don't understand. This is really bad." I began to share my story, one layer at a time, until I realised that if I didn't share ALL of it, I would not be able to explain just how much I understood. Having shared it for the first time a week earlier, I was able to have this conversation. I shared it all.

From listening to my story, Jack understood I had been in that dark place where his daughter was. I knew exactly what it looked and felt like, and I was ok. Jack was a fan, and thought I was doing really well. After listening to my story, he found hope and thought that if I could get to "the other side ok", his daughter could too. I made a difference for Jack and his family.

This was when I knew I had to talk. This conversation would have to continue. I stood on stage a few times to tell this story. Had an article published on Forbes and Thrive. The experience has been very rewarding. I still get messages of others sharing their "me too" stories and thanking me for letting them feel they're not alone. That its possible to have a life after and despite mental illness. But I have also had managers come to understand that someone with a mental illness, be it short-lived or chronic, is not limited.

This is why I talk about my experience with mental illness. This is why I want to talk and keep talking about mental health. I have learned that by sharing I help others. Plus, its also a bit selfish. By sharing this story, I transformed a negative and rather dark moment in my life into something positive, it has an impact on others.

So, before we dive in, if I can convince one of you to join me by sharing your story, and how mental illness has not stopped you from being who you want to be, I and many, many others will be grateful.

I believe in the power of stories. I believe that its through stories that we can break the stigma. As we learn and realise just how many of those who surround us struggle and thrive despite mental illness, the stigma will begin to fade. Mental health will become a natural part of lives and more importantly, we can all give it the attention it deserves: at home, with our friends and with our colleagues at work.

This battle on mental health begins with stigma, but that's not all. There's so much more we can all do, and that's why I want to talk about mental health. I'm hoping I can join the many other brave men and women who are active and I also hope to bring a few more along with me.

Next I'd like to start the conversion on the role of the workplace on our mental health.... Its complicated, but we have to start somewhere...

As for where it all began? Well I ended up on stage. By sharing my mental illness story with that senior exec, I realised it was time to deal with that last phobia. I was afforded classes with the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, went on stage, shared my story (on the life of this female in financial services) and kept getting back on stage. Actually, I haven't been in while. Missing the stage! :-)

Thank you for reading. Ana