“I want to pursue personal change.”

The desire to pursue personal #change is one I hear expressed frequently in my #coaching work. The motivations for this are easy to understand. The world is changing faster than ever before, from technological innovations to pressing ecological issues and geopolitical shifts. Adaptation and evolution are unavoidable in order not to be left behind. But what is personal change, really? Can people really change? And if so, how??

External change

The notion of personal change is a conceptually interesting one. It implies two entities, the changer (“I”) and the one being changed (“myself”). There is a subject and an object. In this sense, it fits neatly into the modern trend of objectifying oneself as a thing to be exhibited and perfected (hello, selfies!). The same trend can be observed in the world of careers and business. The idea of “personal change” or “working on oneself” is most often tied up with a goal that raises our status in the eyes of others – a new role within the company, perhaps, or the acquisition of a new skill such as public speaking or agile leadership. While such “changes” are usually helpful for career advancement, the results are ultimately superficial. If we really want to evolve as #leaders and grow as people, we must start much deeper: with our attitude towards those around us.?

The importance of mental attitude

Our attitude determines how we perceive the world around us, how we respond to it and how we evaluate things that occur. In this way, it also acts as the lens through which we interact with the world. Attitudes can reveal themselves in the actions of leaders in a wide range of situations. What follows are three examples that crop up frequently in my coaching sessions.?

Enduring pressure

Leaders need to engender confidence and trust, especially in a crisis. Some of the leaders I have met have mastered this skill particularly well. One project manager was overseeing a project that was going poorly and for which she was receiving huge pressure from the client. Instead of passing this pressure on to her team, she sought instead to praise and motivate them. As she saw it, this was the only way to mobilize the necessary reserves of resources of the team to get the project back on track. This willingness to endure pressure on behalf of others encapsulates perfectly how a strong leader should engage with their role. Of course, the reverse case also applies. An individual who always sees the glass half empty and laments the end of the world at the first sign of crisis is either in need of a change of attitude or is inherently unsuited for a leadership role.

Freeing yourself from the need for validation

Some managers strive to obtain explicit validation from clients or bosses. I always find this surprising to see. I like to ask them how they feel when they are expressly praised after a successful project. “It feels good,” tends to be the response. When I then ask them how it would feel to be praised by their employees for their solid leadership skills, almost all of them have to pause to think: “It would somehow feel strange.” #praise is a double-edged sword in that it creates a parent-child dynamic. The praiser takes on a “parental” role, like a parent rewarding their child for good grades at school. As a result, those who constantly seek recognition automatically subjugate themselves to those they seek to please. Truly confident and competent leaders require an attitude that liberates them from this need.

Effective leadership through gravitas

As a management consultant, I have more than 20 years’ experience working with countless different client teams. In the process, I have repeatedly encountered individuals who possessed a kind of natural authority. Interestingly, many of these people did not occupy formal leadership roles, yet they served as the gravitational centre around which every action and decision revolved. It was neither the quality nor the quantity of their contributions that afforded them this status; rather, the status followed from the respect they naturally commanded from others. When they said something, everyone fell quiet and listened. Such people have what we call “gravitas”: a presence, a dignity, a natural charisma. The ability to lead through #gravitas arises not from the granting of formal leadership status but from one’s mental #attitude to the task itself.

Setting an example

In my experience, leaders whose attitude is conducive to great #leadership share at least three qualities in common.

• They are present, act calmly in the here and now and view the world for what it is. They do not blow things out of proportion or create internal narratives that do not reflect reality. An unsuccessful client meeting is simply one that did not go as planned; it is not a “crisis” and it certainly does not mean the end of their career.
• They are happy to receive sincere recognition, but have detached themselves from the automatic expectation of praise. Instead, they trust who they are and are able to be transparent about it – with all their various faults and merits.
• They live as an example of what they aspire to. Instead of posturing and jostling their way up the career ladder, they quietly adopt the attitude of the leadership role they hope to occupy tomorrow. In doing so, they often unconsciously but credibly signal their willingness to take on greater responsibility – and the next role materializes of its own accord. This is a phenomenon I see time and again with my clients.

True personal change

So, how can you develop your own attitude as a leader? First, the bad news: that unfortunately, there is no shortcut and no hard-and-fast rules. Instead of constantly striving to acquire new skills, take time to learn to be comfortable within yourself; to acknowledge distorted perceptions, inner dialogues and misguided expectations, and thus to remove the internal separation between the agent and the subject of change. This takes time – and perhaps also the support of an experienced coach. Yet if personal change can be achieved in this form, a great deal of external change may result – more than many leaders initially realise. As the ancient wisdom of Zen tells us: “Change your thoughts and everything else will change.”

This article was originally published in GABAL Magazine.

Christian Greiser is an executive coach and management consultant. He guides thought-leaders, designers, decision-makers and entrepreneurs on their own personal development journeys, helping them figure out their values, talents and strengths. Prior to establishing his own consultancy, Christian held the role of Senior Partner at the 波士顿谘询公司 . His book ‘Wenn der Erfolg pl?tzlich Pause macht’ (When Success Comes to a Standstill) was published in German by GABAL Verlag in October.