I Want to Know

I wonder if Mick Jones growing up in England had a mother who overused the word “Love”. I can see Mick as a teenager coming down for breakfast, his mother in the kitchen preparing a traditional English breakfast, eggs, bacon, sausages, fried bread, baked beans and mushrooms. “Good morning Mick, breakfast is ready, you are going to love the eggs I made this morning.” She commented, giving Mick a quick hug. Mick’s father would walked in, grabb a cup of coffee and Mick’s mom would look up and said, “Honey I love that tie, is it new?” Mick’s father would walk out the back door as his mother shouted, “I love you, dinner at six.” She would then turn up the radio as the Isley Brothers newest song Twist and Shout began to play. She shouted, “I love this song, it just makes me want to dance. With a quick spin in her step, she would walk over grabbed Mick’s plate and make her way over to the sink. “Oh dear, let me know if you are still planning on having your friend over this weekend, I just love her family”, she asked Mick as he gathered up his books and headed out to school. “Love you, have a great day at school”, was the last thing Mick heard as he rounded the corner and met up with his friends.

It would be years later in 1984 that Mick Jones would sit down and reflect on his childhood. He must have really struggled with this one question from his youth that remained unanswered. That question would become the inspiration for Mick to write one of the greatest rock ballads ever. Recorded by Foreigner and released in 1985, I Want to Know What Love Is, remained in the number one spot for over 21 weeks. It also remains on Billboard’s top 500 rock songs ever. 

In early February this year, I heard an exchange between a father and his little boy. The father told the little boy that he loved him and that he really liked him. The little boy looked back at the father with curiosity. He then said, “Daddy, why do you like me?” The little boy did not question his father’s love but wanted to know why his father liked him. Later that same morning I walked into our kitchen and I told my wife that I loved her, but more importantly, I liked her. She stopped what she was doing and just looked at me with a look of curiosity. Later in the afternoon, the two of us were sitting alone in the backyard and my wife began to cry. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me something that just tore me apart. 

She said, “Tim, I know that you love me, but I don’t know why you like me.”

Wow, what a blow to the heart. She was not trying to be hurtful; she was just telling me how she felt. I thought about what she said all week. By Valentine’s Day, I guess I saw firsthand what she was saying. My wife and I attended a weekend workshop at our church on marriage. The workshop was very insightful, and I could tell that it exposed many of my faults in our marriage. On Sunday morning driving back from church my wife broke down and began crying. I knew why. She was reflecting on what we had learned at the workshop and how our pastor had tied it all together in his message on Sunday, and she recognized the gap that existed in our relationship. I could tell that she was thinking about last weekend when I told her that I liked her, and I was confirming her disbelief every day. I made up some excuse to the kids as to why mom was crying, and we stopped at the market so that we could all get out of the car and take a break. The kids saw the hurt I was bringing to my marriage. They also saw the hurt I was bringing into their lives and my relationship with them. I was sure that my kids knew that I loved them, but as a father I had failed to tell them that I liked them, and most importantly why I liked them. Somehow, I needed to establish this basic belief in the hearts of my wife and kids.

I went to bed early that night and as I laid there thinking, I made the decision that I would try to affirm not only my love for each person in my family but also take the time to share with them that I liked them and why. If just once a week, I spent fifteen minutes arranging my thoughts and sharing something important to each family member, I was investing less than 1% of my day in my family. This realization made me aware of how lost I had become in my priorities. This 1% would be the greatest investment I could make, not only in myself but in the future of my children’s dreams for themselves. I also knew I never wanted my wife to tell me again that she was not sure why I liked her. I know I will have to prepare for disbelief and the changes I will see will be slow. However, I know that I have a lot of catching up to do with each of my kids and my wife. But there is one basic need in life my kids and my wife have, they need to know that they are liked.

This Valentine Day let those around you know how much you like them.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.   1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)