I Want to Get Off the See-Saw Of Change

Do you remember the thrill of excitement when you were little and you’d come across a child’s playground? A playground which equalled FUN! And, given the nod, you would skip off anticipating the giddy exhilaration to come.

Were you a child who had to be pulled away crying later, trying to sit down in protest at having to leave, heartbroken when it was home time? Or did you find you’d end up feeling a bit queasy, remembering there were some rides you really didn’t like no matter how many goes you gave them? You'd welcome the comfort of the warm hand holding yours as you’d happily leave splashing through puddles instead.

The change we experience in our lives can be like an extended visit to the playground, when we seem to be spinning from one ride to the next, the see-saw, the roundabout, the chute, the swings. One after the other. Faster and faster. No time in between. Jumping from one to the next. When it can all become a bit too much, too full on, too overwhelming. Exhaustion settling in and what was meant to be a fun day whipping up a frenzy in our thoughts, feelings, physiology and subsequent behaviour instead.

The See Saw

In times of change we can feel we need to put on a front. Pretend that everything is fine. That we are coping, positive, resilient, brave. We can feel we have to put our ‘stuff’ aside and behave in certain ways, when what we think and feel on the inside is so far away from how we believe we need to come across on the outside.

It’s like being on a see-saw, going up and down, up and down, up and down:

?? on the outside acting confident

?? on the inside feeling totally out of your depth

?? outside pretending you know what you’re doing

?? inside not knowing how this all works

?? outside you're on it, getting things done

?? inside wondering if you’re going to cope

?? outside you're a step ahead

?? inside your self-doubt rocketing

?? outside doing a great job of life and work

?? inside your self-belief spiralling downwards

It can be important to us to hold ourselves together, at work, at home, for others, for ourselves, our pride, our dignity, to be seen as coping. But the see-saw of change can get to a point when being flung upwards, then abruptly down, being bumped on the ground, bang baNG BANG, over and over again is just too much.?

Your body’s becoming more clenched, tense, rigid. You’re grinning and bearing it. Putting on a brave face. Putting up with something that’s jarring you inside and out. Putting up with someone else in the other see-saw seat, setting the speed, the height, with no thought to what you are experiencing at your end.

There’s a time when you need to put your feet firmly on solid ground, push back, and stop the next bounce up. When you need the other person at the other end of the see-saw to match your pace, your weight, your height. To meet you where you are in this change. To bring the ease and flow back in, a more gentle rhythm, which feels more steady, rocking and soothing. Which you can cope with much better, enjoy even, especially when you get to bring in a few fun bounces, as you have a say in how this goes too.?

The Roundabout

Do you remember when you’d spot the roundabout was free, no one else was on it, yes! This meant you could get hold of the bar, cold and rusty in your hands, one foot on and one foot off, and… push! Oh the thrill, the joy! And when it was at just the right speed for you, you’d bravely pull your foot from off the ground and fly. Weeeeeeee! Anything and everything feels possible, this feeling’s amazing. Just going with the flow, the right level of letting go and freedom. Wow what could this change bring?

Until the bigger kids would spot you and want some too. Smashing into your world, unwelcome, taking over. Gatecrashing your independence and autonomy. Dictating the speed, pushing things round faster and faster. You nearly fall off and grip on feeling yourself tossed around, everything now completely out of your control. Help, I can’t see straight! Which way is up?

Frantically wondering what’s going to happen next, are you safe, will you fall off, get hurt? You’re having a natural response fearing for your safety. Someone else dictates the change in tempo, pushing their agenda, with no thought to how alarming this jolt out of the blue is for you. Your head is spinning, you can’t breathe, you can’t find your feet. You’re dizzy, light headed, heart racing.?

You want the world to stop turning so you can get off, get away, be on your own. Be able to think clearly. You need someone to slow things back down, to take their foot off the accelerator. You snap, raise your voice, only realising you’ve shouted at them once it’s out. You didn’t mean to, but you needed to be heard above the noise of everything else, to be seen, to be recognised as struggling. To stop being pushed round and round and round.?

The Swings

As the big kids move on to the next shiny thing grabbing their attention, the roundabout squeaks to a slow halt, finally a moment for you to find your feet again. As you move away from going round in circles, you’re feeling quite sick, not sure how much more you can take. You spot the swings, two of them swaying in the breeze side by side, they seem safe enough. Sitting down to catch your breath, you slowly rock, back and forth, back and forth. Head down, tears welling, hoping no-one spots you now.

Another kid, who just flew down the chute, coming to an abrupt and painful bump off the end, takes the swing beside you. You recognise them, just like you but older, wiser, they’ve been in this playground of change before. They ask you how you are, what was it like on the manic see-saw, the spinning roundabout, being bumped and tossed as if you don’t matter?

They listen as you share, explain, and talk about what you’re experiencing and what you need instead. To be involved in choosing the rides, for someone to recognise the pace you need to be at your best, to be ready and prepared, to see the rest points and breaks in between.?

As you talk, they listen, you feel heard, you feel seen, you feel understood. They get what it’s like and how you need to have some element of control in what is happening to you, to feel you have choice. They understand what it’s like to be in constant fight, flight or freeze mode. To feel the adrenaline pumping through your body. To want to withdraw from others, to avoid the see-saw, roundabout and chute, to defend yourself, to feel safe.

They get that it’s not that you are afraid of change, or that you can't do it. You just find it hard when it becomes too much, too scary, too overwhelming. You need to understand what’s happening, with the change itself and with you. You need to be able to take care of yourself. To have the time to take it all in. You need to be understood and supported through change to make the most of the risky rides, to give things a go.

With those things in place you can hold on to the chains of the swing, tilt your head back, push, and fly high! To overcome the chaos and anxiety of change and think “I can do this”, to feel on solid ground despite the uncertainty, to be relaxed and calm in your body, to connect with others and explore the playground of change together.

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#change #anxiety #confidence #hr #learninganddevelopment