I Want to Break Free

We’ve all had those moments—you’re sipping your coffee, contemplating life, when suddenly, a thought hits: Oops, I did it again! Maybe it's missing that important deadline or falling for the same old excuse in a relationship. We all have our patterns—those frustrating habits that seem to replay like a broken record. But why do we keep stumbling over the same stones?

The answer lies in what psychologists call rackets. These are not just simple mistakes; they are deeply ingrained patterns of behaviour, driven by programming from our past. Whether it’s from our parents, friends, well-wishers, or the environment we grew up in, these scripts keep us stuck. Today, we’re going to study rackets and, more importantly learn how to break free from them.

What’s a Racket, Anyway?

Imagine your life as a sitcom, every episode is predictable—same setup, same outcome. Unfortunately, instead of applause, you’re often left shaking your head in frustration. A racket is like this sitcom: a persistent, unwanted pattern that keeps you trapped in a loop. Here’s a breakdown of what makes up a racket:

1. A Persistent, Unwanted Complaint: This is the nagging voice in your head that’s constantly on repeat. It could be, “I can never get ahead at work,” or, “Why can’t I stick to my diet?” These complaints feel like part of your identity, but in reality, they’re keeping you stuck. Reflect: What’s a complaint you find yourself repeating?
2. A Fixed Way of responding to that Complaint: This is like your default behaviour that you come up with to deal with the above complaint.? It’s now become a way of life and you are comfortable with it. Reflect: How do you deal with your complaint?
3. The Payoff That Keeps the Racket in Place: Here’s the kicker—you’re gaining something from this behaviour. Maybe it’s the sympathy from friends, or the sense of importance that comes with feeling overburdened. Consider: How does this fixed mindset serve you?
4. The Cost of Running the Racket: Every racket comes with a hidden cost. While you may feel good in the moment, it often results in emotional baggage, missed opportunities, or toxic relationships. The comfort of the familiar can blind you to the freedom you’re giving up. What’s the price you’re paying to maintain this racket?

Rackets: The Programming of Our Past

Rackets don’t just appear out of thin air. They’re a result of programming—those subconscious scripts written by our parents, friends, and environment as we grew up. Maybe your parents instilled in you the belief that life is tough, and now you’re constantly bracing for hardship. Or maybe you’ve absorbed the idea that you’re responsible for everyone else’s happiness, leading to the exhausting hero complex.

But here’s the good news: you’re not stuck with this programming. You have the power to break the cycle, to reprogram yourself, and to live free from the constraints of the past. Recognizing the racket is the first step; rewriting the script is the next.

My Racket: The Hero Complex

Let’s peek into my personal racket: The Hero Complex. My inner dialogue goes something like this: “The world dominates the weak—I must protect the weak—this makes me feel good about myself—but in reality, I’m just keeping them dependent on me.” It’s a beautifully toxic cycle!

For years, I thought I was helping, but in reality, I was just disempowering those around me. The payoff? I got to feel like a hero, like I was the one holding everything together. The cost? It always got me into conflict with people in power, which led to stress and fatigue.? And in reality I was unintentionally preventing people from learning to solve their own problems. It took me a while to realize that by trying to be everyone’s hero, I was keeping them—and myself—stuck.

Other Common Rackets

Rackets come in many forms. Here are a few familiar examples:

• The Overprotective Parent: Constantly hovering, micromanaging their child’s life to “protect” them from failure. The payoff? Feeling like a caring parent. The cost? A child who never learns independence or self-confidence.
• The Workplace Complainer: An employee who constantly gripes about being overworked but refuses to delegate. The payoff? Feeling indispensable. The cost? Burnout and missed growth opportunities.
• The Fitness Cribber: Someone who complains, “I can’t lose weight,” but continues unhealthy habits. The payoff? Comfort in routine. The cost? Poor health and low self-esteem.

How to Break Free from Your Rackets

Breaking free from a racket isn’t easy—it’s deeply embedded in your psyche. But with awareness and action, you can rewrite the script. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge the Complaint: The first step is admitting you have a racket. Write down your persistent complaints, and start recognizing the pattern. Prompt: What’s one recurring complaint you can identify?
2. Change Your Perspective: Shift your mindset from victim to guide. Instead of trying to be the hero, empower others. Instead of rescuing, teach. You’ll feel even better knowing you’ve helped someone stand on their own feet.
3. Identify the Payoff: What are you really gaining from this racket? Write it down. Then, brainstorm healthier ways to achieve that validation without staying stuck in the complaint cycle.
4. Calculate the Cost: Reflect on what it’s truly costing you to maintain this racket. Are you missing out on deeper relationships, new opportunities, or personal growth?
5. Take Action: Break the cycle by setting small, achievable goals. For me, it meant no longer rushing to solve everyone’s problems. I’ve learned to wait, to guide, and to empower others rather than doing the work for them.

Time to Break Free!

We all have rackets, but life is too precious to keep running the same unproductive scripts. Breaking free requires courage, self-awareness, and the willingness to change. The next time you catch yourself falling into an old pattern, remember: you have the power to rewrite the story.

Reflect on one racket you want to minimize in your life today. What small step can you take right now to start breaking free?

“Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.” – Robin Sharma

Further Reading and Resources

1. Books: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck Atomic Habits by James Clear
2. Articles: “The Psychology of Rackets” on Psychology Today “How to Break Bad Habits” from Harvard Business Review
3. Videos: YouTube: “How to Change Your Habits” by Thomas Frank

Now, let’s break those rackets and embrace the joy of moving forward!