??I Was the Victim of a Hate Incident. By Two Privileged Teenage Boys. In My Own Neighborhood

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Welcome back to "The Microdose Diet" newsletter, where success, passion, and happiness converge to elevate your life and career. I'm Peggy Van de Plassche, and after two decades in the financial services and tech industries, I discovered the transformative power of mushrooms for mental wellness and peak performance. This revelation led to the creation of "The Microdose Diet" protocol, a game-changer for personal and professional growth. Dive in to explore more!

In This Newsletter, You Will Learn:

• Why incidents of intolerance can trigger emotional growth.
• Why it's important to process your emotions
• How to recognize and process your emotions instead of burying them.
• Techniques to help calm your body and mind when emotions run high.
• How acknowledging and working through your feelings leads to growth

A few days ago, as I was quietly walking down a peaceful little street with my husband, enjoying the beautiful weather while running the usual weekend errands, I became the victim of a hate incident.

Yes, just like that.

??The Incident

I was minding my own business, engrossed in a discussion about a writers’ networking event I had attended that morning (at WEN in case you want to join!), when I heard an unpleasant comment about my physical appearance. It took me two steps to realize what had happened, and when it sank in (aka hit my brain and body), I automatically went into fight-or-flight mode.

In my case, it was fight. I retraced my steps and asked the two individuals what they had just said, thinking they would back down in response to my directness. Absolutely not. Staring me in the face, the offender repeated the insult, word for word.

I’ll skip the back-and-forth that followed over the next minute or so, but I can tell you they doubled, even tripled down on their gender-motivated attacks (apparently women should only marry taller and older men), adding personal insults about my appearance (visibly, I’m ugly), before taking off while giving me the finger. I guess I shouldn’t have dared to push back on the initial insults: who do I think I am?!

What stands out to me in this hate incident—because yes, being insulted for who you are 100 meters from your home is not a hate crime, it’s a hate incident—are the location and the perpetrators.

This happened in Summerhill, one of the affluent postal codes in Toronto, and the offenders were privileged white boys, around 13-14 years old, living in the neighborhood and attending one of the nearby elite private schools.

You can analyze this situation in different ways.

First, how is it that, in 2024, such privileged teenage boys are so intolerant and disrespectful? Is this what they hear and see at home, school, or online? If they feel comfortable insulting a 40-something couple in their own neighborhood, what might they say to disabled kids, people of color, transgender individuals, or anyone from any identifiable group that doesn’t fit their narrow views? What do they say and do to teenage girls at school?

This brings me to my second point: gender equality. How can we hope to ever achieve gender equality if even very privileged Generation Alpha boys are still sexist? Do their mothers complain about the old boys’ club at work while treating their sons as untouchable demi-gods? Do their fathers deal with women as if they are second-class citizens? Do the teachers at their private school dismiss these sexist “hate incidents” as “boys will be boys”?

I have news for the people enabling these boys to feel so overly confident in their entitlement: “Boys will be men.” And if a 14-year-old boy already feels comfortable enough to insult and bully adults in his own neighborhood, that, to me, is a massive red flag. It’s not something to be dismissed as teenage mischief.

This brings me to my third point, and to paraphrase Spiderman: “With great power comes great responsibility.” This applies as much to the parents as it does to the kids. When someone is given everything on a silver platter, much should be expected of them. But I’m seeing the opposite: demonizing kids from underprivileged neighborhoods, blaming immigrants for everything, while giving a free pass to those who have had everything handed to them.

Maybe it’s time we look in our own backyard, because yes, it starts with us.

I’m hoping to identify the perpetrators, their parents, and the school they attend so I can report the incident. Too often, we brush off situations like this, only to wonder later how things have gotten so out of hand. This is exactly how it happens—one step at a time, like a frog being slowly boiled.

I have little hope of receiving much sympathy from the parents—les chiens ne font pas des chats (children often reflect their parents’ character)—but at the very least, there will be a record of the bullying. Because, believe me, this experience will only embolden them, and they’ll escalate next time.

??The Silver Lining and What It Means for You

Believe it or not, there is a bright side to this story, at least for me. Even if I only half-kept my cool during the incident, I was able to use it for personal growth. Yes, ABG (Always Be Growing).

In the past, I would have pretended I wasn’t hurt, enraged, or ashamed, and acted like it didn’t matter. It’s not as if I haven’t had my share of hurtful comments, bullying, and minimizations over the years. It’s likely you’ve had your share too. But this time, I acted differently:

First, I acknowledged my feelings instead of burying them. After all, I didn’t do anything wrong, right? I was allowed to feel rage, hurt, and shame. I wasn’t going to invalidate myself on top of everything else, right? Well, actually, that’s what most of us (myself included) usually do. We don’t want to feel the emotions and physical sensations, so we bury them deep down, until they explode internally or externally. Befriending our emotions is the first step to calmer bodies and minds. It’s not something we’re used to, or something necessarily enjoyable, but in the long run, this will help us get out of autopilot, access our full range of emotions, and avoid being triggered when similar situations arise. To close the loop with this hate incident: these teenage boys are emotionally unregulated; otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the need to express their emotions in such an aggressive way. It’s fair to assume that their parents are poorly emotionally regulated too.

After witnessing myself, I allowed myself to feel self-compassion—not only for this incident but for the hundreds of others that had happened before, which I had never acknowledged or processed. I also extended self-compassion to my younger self, who didn’t know how to process emotions and only had the option to bury them deep down, increasing the hurt, anger, and shame one event at a time, making me a “fast-triggered person” at the first opportunity.

Third, I processed my emotions and physical sensations. Ever felt knots in your stomach, your heart sinking or pounding, your throat tightening, your cheeks blushing, your hands sweating, or your jaws clenching? These are all the physical manifestations of your (unpleasant) emotions and associated thoughts. There are multiple ways to process your emotions. Going through the body/physical sensations (also called the somatic approach) combined with your mind/thoughts is my favorite avenue. It means combining multiple techniques. I love the combo of tapping, havening, journaling, visualization, and microdosing that I lay out in my protocol, The Microdose Diet.

With the 90-day protocol laid out in TMD, we process blocked emotions and limiting beliefs in a controlled and targeted way, based on each client’s particular intention. The backbone of the protocol stays the same, but we adjust the specifics.

I’ve seen great success with clients who have been able to become way less impulsive (aka out of fight or flight) in specific situations. I’ve also seen clients have difficult discussions with a boss, spouse, or children—conversations they were unable to have in the past due to emotional reactivity.

And to close the loop with this hate incident, this is definitely a protocol these boys (minus the microdosing!) and their parents should go through, as there are clearly quite a few emotions that need to be processed in a healthy way.

If you’re interested in learning more, you can visit my website. I now offer one-on-one coaching, small group sessions, workshops, and experiential keynotes.

I hope you enjoyed this edition. I’m looking forward to your comments—what would you have done in my place? What would you do? Do you feel stuck in past emotions and sensations, becoming extremely reactive in certain situations?

Thank you for being part of this journey with me. Remember, the path to MORE is one of exploration, growth, and continuous learning—and I’m here to support you every step of the way.

I'm Peggy Van de Plassche, a former banker and VC with 20 years in financial services and technology. "The Microdose Diet" combines alternative medicines like microdosing psilocybin for personal and professional growth.

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