I Transformed Because Of My Divorce, Not In Spite Of It

‘I’m leaving’ she said, And I didn’t stop her?

My successful career could not bring her back?

My Ego was shattered, ‘How could she? Bloody *&^%!

Chapter 1 - Grief

In what should have been a wake up call, I spent it drinking as much alcohol my small Indian frame could take, often blacking out. The pain didn’t go?

As a man, I felt guilt, shame, and of course my pride was hurt… What am I going to tell my mom back in India? I failed, I could not even keep my wife in my own house

What am I going to tell my colleagues?? who invited me to their gatherings - housewarming, kids' birthdays and more insisting -’ please bring your wife too, we have not even met her’. How could I tell them, ‘We are separated’?

I didn’t say nothing, I just didn’t show up. Drank more with other people who wanted to drink more?

All the while feeling seething anger for her?

During our separation, she flew back for my surgery, nursed me. Even through the drugs at that time, I could feel resentment for her. How could she ‘leave’ me?

The separation eventually lead to DIVORCE

Yes! I’m free, so I drank more, seeking meaningless relationships just for the sex?

All without grieving, without healing, burying everything that had taken place with vices and seeking identity in my work

Not knowing at that time I had only buried a landmine that was getting more & more powerful the deeper it went?

I didn’t spend any time Grieving, all that I knew was self-pity and victimhood. But hey, I was successful AF, downtown Austin apartment with lakeview, sports car, fancy meals filled the void well?

3 years later post divorce, with all my previous relationship patterns intact, having done ZERO work on myself, I met this wonderful woman?

The honeymoon period was great, maybe there is hope for me, I too can have a successful long-term meaningful relationship with a woman

This relationship was just a fuse to the ordnance that laid buried deep within, and it exploded - It blindsided her, she left?

The script replayed? - Alcohol, Sex, Self - Pity?

Chapter 2 - Forgiveness?

Despite a career that was going great, my health began to fail, doctors who ordered 6 poop tests said there was nothing wrong with me medically

Something had to give

It started with mindfulness, for someone who has never done meditation, I did a 10 day vipassana silent retreat. I felt as if I were the ocean and it was boiling

Keeping up a steady practice of meditation was worse, there were rolling headaches, fatigue, but in all of it there was HOPE. A constant nudge from the spirit to keep going while there seemed to be no destination?

In 2019, among the greatest gathering of revelers aka Burning Man, I discovred Forgiveness,? in a tent with 100 other people, naked and sobbing profusely, I was able to First, forgive myself and then? my parents

I came to understand that my destructive patterns in my relationships came from my childhood - their constant fighting , the abandonment from my mother, my father’s anger?

There was more to be done, mother Ayahuasca invited me to the jungles of Amazonia. In ceremonies I had wished I died a physical death , I lived to emerge as kinder , more compassionate version of myself?

Then the tour of apologies began, I texted my ex-wife 6 years post divorce. I just said ‘I’m Sorry’, many times

She reminded me that she didn’t leave, she just could not stay. I agreed?

Chapter 3 - Thrive?

Seeking greater meaning and purpose, I bowed out of the corporate world in Dec 2020. The pandemic had given me a great amount of space to integrate my healings?

And now I was called to helped others

It began with creating more mindful teams, employees and leaders?

Then in Jan 2024, in? a plant medicine ceremony deep in the woods of Texas, the spirit had me question everything I was doing in the field of corporates?

I took the inquiry to the mountains of Peru sitting with a medicine called Huachuma. The answers came clear - I need to take individuals on the same kind of journey the divine blessed me with?

But who? How? Those were not evident then?

I came back to Austin, spoke to a lot of people, most of them happened to men, helped them heal, there was a pattern - They were burdened with divorce or crippling relationship issues despite their professional successes?

Chapter You??

The Divine said -?

‘Good men are suffering because of the trauma of divorce, sadly even many years later. There is just too much guilt, shame, stigma, wounding of pride, loss of meaning & purpose

And you can do Something to help them’

I was able to reflect on my past - “I transformed because of my divorce, not in spite of it “

Divorce was one of the best things that happened to me, and I’m here to guide other men make the best of it too

I did make a mistake - I waited too long to seek help and start living my best life. Worse, I repeated my mistakes?

The suffering exists, but there is no point in continuing to do so. There is a message in this huge loss and you need to open your mind and see it?

This is your opportunity to become your best self, not for others, but for YOU!

Cheers - Raja

Men - You Are Enough!