I took a Sabbatical at 33...Here's what I learned.

I started my first job at Cinema Café (a small locally owned movie theater) at 15 and a 1/2. Since then, I've always had a job (or two), and so much of my identity has been tied to my work. This is common, especially for Black women who have been told since childhood that we are not good enough so we pour ourselves into our careers to prove everyone wrong. The problem is, we burn out. I was inspired by reading The Light We Give when Michelle Obama, former First Lady writes “We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to-do’ list.”

In March 2020, the COVID pandemic shifted our world dramatically including my own. Never did I think that at 30 years old, I would go from working in an office five days a week to working from home, on my laptop alongside my spouse and our three-year-old son. I often say that the months spent juggling work, motherhood, and living in the modern civil rights movement are why I have so much gray hair. The work never slowed down and my chronic fatigue continued to grow.

It took me almost three years and the birth of another child to start saying I need a REAL break. Most would say 33 is just when your career is just starting, but I have accomplished a lot in my early career while working in a field where secondary trauma is common. I told my boss that my fatigue had grown so much that I was losing the ability to be creative so together we created a plan for me to take a sabbatical.

Here are the lessons I've learned during my sabbatical:

1. It takes courage to say YES to rest in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol. Have you ever tried to do nothing? It's really hard. We are hard-wired to feel like we always have to be doing something, accomplishing something. Throughout the day, I had to remind myself that I do not have to do anything or prove my worth to anyone. Exhaustion is not something to be proud of, I have no interest in working myself to the grave.

2. Spending quality time with my children is an investment in our lifelong relationship. I started my leave with a Disney Cruise with my spouse, our children, and some extended family. If you've never been on a Disney cruise imagine a child's paradise from dusk til' dawn. My children are young and may not remember this vacation, but I believe they will remember how I made them feel. My children are my legacy.

3. I am magical but I have dimmed my light. I've dimmed my light to protect myself from being seen as too ambitious. Not all at once but slowly over time. I was watching 'The boy and the mole and the fox and the horse' with my children when I heard a quote that punched me right in the gut. The horse says to the little boy "I have a secret, I can fly. I stopped flying because it made other horses jealous,” said the horse. “Well we love you whether you fly or not, but it’s wonderful when you do,” said the mole. The horse’s eyes welled up a little and he spread his wings." That's when I wiped tears from my face. I too have held back magical ideas because I did not want to attract too much attention. A while back I stopped sending articles I was mentioned in to my family and friends because I felt like it was bragging and I was embarrassed. Isn't that silly? This time away has helped me embrace the magic of who I am.

4. Our society was never set up to see women thrive at work and home. This was not necessarily something I learned, I work in children's advocacy and see the constant lack of financial investment in supporting children and their families. Women often become the default parent, the ones school calls when kids are sick or struggling, the ones making appointments for everyone, the ones putting everyone else before themselves and naturally it impacts our careers. During my leave, I took an intentional stand that my rest was not going to be the time where I suddenly did twice the amount of housework -- in fact, I did less. It became more clear that my home mental load was a much greater pain point than my career was requiring me to make significant life changes. Woman's roles in our society will never change unless we challenge them.

4. My life is incredible and I am filled with contentment and joy. I truly did not expect this time to leave me looking around on a day-to-day basis and saying 'Wow, how lucky am I?' With the amazing flexibility my job provides, I can see my kids get off the school bus every day. We eat dinner together as a family every night, and I am doing life with my soulmate. Taking a step back from the hamster wheel truly allows you to see what you have and be filled with gratitude.

5. Taking time for yourself can preserve and extend your career. When I first started telling folks that I was taking a leave I received a few whispers of 'Are things okay?'--taking time off to rest should not be taboo or only taken when things are at their most stressful. I have learned that sabbaticals should be a best practice policy, especially for those in helping professions. I intend on taking a leave every few years to do nothing but rest. As my children get older, I will likely use this time to travel solo or with my partner. We must also make rest a regular part of our lives because we cannot change systems when we aren't well ourselves. There is plenty of inspiration from the Nap Ministry.

6. Nourish your unfulfilled dreams. I have dreamt of writing a children's book since I was 19. The idea came to me in my dreams not once but over a dozen times in the last decade. I talked myself out of it over and over again because I don't feel like an author. I have pushed that dream aside because of a lack of time or ability to be creative. But during my leave, I decided to pull that idea out and make it into a reality. So my BIG news is that I am officially writing a book! I am so thrilled to finally bring my idea to life. Even sharing that with you all is scary, but I'm doing it anyways. My goal is by this time next year to have my book in hand and your hands!

I have heard from numerous friends and colleagues young and older who have said how much they wish they could do something like this, my advice is DO IT. I took a 3-week sabbatical but they can range from 1 - 6 months or even a year depending on where you are in life. Take the time, you will not regret the gift you give yourself.

This article is my own and may not represent Voices' positions, strategies, or positions.