I Think the Loneliness Epidemic May Now Be a Pandemic. What an opportunity for Proactive Kindness and Social Connection!

Urgency Rooted in Communication and Care

When COVID first came into the public consciousness, what would you have done to help save the lives of your loved ones, and take care of you own health, if you had known about it six months to a year before it spread around the world? My point here is not to talk about any politics, or vaccines, but simply to say, how can we best address a medical emergency that experts call an "epidemic" before it turns into a "pandemic?" And then what can we do about it?

Part one, which I'll focus on here, is to create urgent awareness about the issue of loneliness and isolation so you can begin to take action for yourself and loved ones. This is not about trying to cause fear or confusion - but providing information at a scale that I didn't have even a few months ago and I've been researching this area heavily for about six months. So my goal here is to be helpful, in kindness, and using a social connection oriented tool (LinkedIn) to help.

Definition of "Epidemic" versus "Pandemic"

I first learned that we are facing an Epidemic regarding loneliness and isolation from this report from Vivek Murthy , the U.S. Surgeon General.

It is a must read report. It is a matter of life and death that you read it.

And I've been genuinely struggling at times, asking myself, "am I being hyperbolic? Or am I just focused on emotions and mental health and wellbeing more than most people?"

Please read the report and learn for yourself. The basic answer, however, is that loneliness when it reaches the point of isolation negative affects a person's physical health, in the exact same way as if they were smoking 15 cigarettes a day or were suffering from obesity, heart disease, and many other horrible conditions.

Also, and again, read the report here - isolation takes months or years off of people's lives. Which means it's literally killing people. And it's a slow, torturous death that involves daily suffering.

If you're thinking, "thanks for the uplifting language, John!" fair enough. But one also can't talk about an epidemic (that I think is now a pandemic) without really working to create awareness around a topic rooted in science, medicine, and experience.

So I've given you that news if you didn't know it.

In the past week or so, I've been wondering when an "epidemic" becomes a "pandemic" and I went to the Mayo Clinic Health System Website to find the following definitions:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offers these definitions:

• Endemic The amount of a particular disease that is usually present in a community. It's also called a baseline.
• Epidemic An increase — often sudden — in the number of cases of a disease above what is normally expected in that population in a specific area.
• Pandemic An epidemic that has spread over several countries or continents and affects many people.

If you've been following this space for the past few months, you'll know that the report from Dr. Murthy came out in May of 2023. In November of 2023, the World Health Organization came out with their announcement based on his work:

The challenging news from the report: “High rates of social isolation and loneliness around the world have serious consequences for health and well-being. People without enough strong social connections are at higher risk of stroke, anxiety, dementia, depression, suicide and more,” said WHO Director-General Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus. “This WHO Commission will help establish social connection as a global health priority and share the most promising interventions.”

What I believe is also challenging yet true is the fact I think loneliness and isolation have grown to the point of being a pandemic according to the definitions from the CDC, if loneliness and isolation are not just a U.S. issue but is a crisis in many countries.

The encouraging news from the report: "Co-chaired by U.S. Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy, and African Union Youth Envoy, Chido Mpemba, the Commission consists of 11 leading policy-makers, thought leaders and advocates. Running for three years, it will analyse the central role social connection plays in improving health for people of all ages and outline solutions to build social connections at scale. The Commission will consider how connection enhances the well-being of our communities and societies and helps foster economic progress, social development, and innovation."

More Good News But a Core Challenge to an Isolating Ideology of Individuality

I wrote a book called Hacking Happiness in 2014 that features AI, apps, and multiple technologies that can help people struggling with loneliness, isolation, and various mental health issues. Today, there are now myriad AI tools and articles talking about how people are turning to technology to solve their loneliness issues. Where someone in severe crisis is helped, wonderful!

Where a person or society may deny that all humans have the capacity for self-kindness and, almost more importantly, helping be kind to others, my answer is:

Nope.

Please read Dr. Murthy's report . The science says all humans are built for social connection. Even if they say they don't feel lonely. And even if they say - and feel like - they want to be left alone.

Before getting into a debate I've had for well over a decade about concerns around tech, the dangers of how personal data is often used in mental health apps , people saying well-intentioned things about AI helping people's mental health who may not have researched the area for a long time (where I only mean they may not yet know about research from people like Dr. Murthy versus devaluing their opinions) let me just point out the following:

2024 provides an epoch level opportunity for Proactive Kindness and Social Connection the likes of which the world has never seen!

Here's why:

• Access. Whatever pundits may say about AI (pro or con), it's important to remember things like as of October, 2023, only 65.7% of the world's population had access to the Internet . I will always want someone to get help suffering from loneliness, isolation or any form of mental health distress, but despite the concerns over AI / data / apps created by orgs that may not have enough medical or mental health staff involved in their creation, where ANY technology is recommended for an EPIDEMIC OR PANDEMIC isn't available to ALL PEOPLE, that's a problem. We have to encourage media to remind people of this to say things like, "this may be a solution for those who can access it" versus bombastic (yet understandably aspirational) declarations of "this will help everyone."
• Western Thinking Needs to Expand. The West tends to focus on individualism as a core part of an ideology framing things like law, business, and other areas of society. Cool! Thank you, Rosseau and Western thinking! But - and this is difficult to deny - there are also OTHER PARTS OF THE WORLD. In this regard, think of the EXCITEMENT of learning about ENTIRE PORTIONS OF THE PLANET that value OTHER things like relationality, community, and putting the planet at the center of our actions to avoid anthropocentrism. In our technology and every other aspect of our lives. There's Ubuntu ethics! The Global South! Many if not most Indigenous traditions that may be located in the West or Global North but don't prioritize individuality over community. If you don't know about this things at a deep level, 2024 is YOUR YEAR OF DISCOVERY! And joy. I use caps for emphasis, but I also mean this as an invitation. But an urgent invitation to myself as a Westerner who has benefitted beyond measure by opening myself up to non-Western thinking IN LOVING COMPLEMENT to my Western thinking:

If anyone provides a solution for AI, technology or anything else and says it's a global solution than they should demonstrate the non-Western thinkers or ideology that inspire them. Otherwise, with good or ill intention, what people are actually saying is, "Here's a global solution that's actually a Western solution!"

• This will help everyone! Yes, I'm quoting myself to point out that the science does say social connection increase physical and mental health for all humans. All of us. You want diversity? So do I! Good news - ALL PEOPLE need social connection. Even if they say they don't. By the way, this is one reason I love the photo on the cover of the World Health Organization announcement - it features non-white women and children
• We Choose Connection and Partnership or Succumb to Hate and Separation. As in many places around the world, the U.S. is facing an election in 2024. The opportunity for division, hatred and separation is massive!

And yet, the NEED for proactive KINDNESS, CONNECTION, and HEALING is even MORE MASSIVE!

How exciting is that? Sure, it's also a bit scary. I for one, am still learning how to be a "partner" to someone whose views on guns, diversity, not taking care of the planet or any other issues deviate so greatly from mine. As a rule, I have chosen, or have given into, passion that usually expresses itself as anger.

And I am EXHAUSTED at my own anger.

Nothing wrong with righteous anger at times, but I'd like to focus more on the righteous (where the definition means, "virtuous") idea of caring for someone else as a priority versus hearing my own voice say the same things in multiple ways.

Dr. King's work on Non-Violence

As we approach MLK day on January 15, I wanted to add his Six Principles of Nonviolence I discovered at the UN Office on Drugs and Crime Website (see above). In my work researching loneliness and isolation, many people I've been talking to seem to feel like loneliness is unfortunate but it's "just an emotion we all face." I honor their truths, and understand their perspective.

Yet it's critical to remember that social isolation can come at an individual level AND a societal or collective level. But as a reminder, based on the definitions of what I wrote above:

We are at the point of a pandemic level of social isolation.

While I recognize I am likely conflating terms or disciplines or ideas, I do feel from my personal experience that the isolation I've experienced at times could be defined as a form of "violence." It certainly has been mental anguish.

However, when an ideology idolizes not just the perceived cultural benefits or "strengths" of being alone - a very American and male stress I've felt all my life, this may influence people to STAY IN ISOLATION because they perceive it's the right thing to do.

THIS. IS. VIOLENCE.

Because it's not true. It's not based on science. It's not universal for all humans. It's not based on common sense.

Before going too far in this analogy, however, I invite you to take the six principles above and use the word, "kindness" or the words "social connection" in place of the word, "Nonviolence." Here's the first two with my bolding:

• Principle one: Kindness exemplified by social connection is a way of life for courageous people. It is active kindness utilizing social connection as resistance to evil. It is aggressive spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
• Principle two: Kindness exemplified by social connection seeks to win friendship and understanding. The result of kindness utilizing social connection is redemption and reconciliation. The purpose of kindness utilizing social connection is the creation of the Beloved Community

Let me point out that I wish to honor Dr. King and these principles first and foremost. So if I am appropriating in any way that is or seems inappropriate, please (with kindness) let me know in the comments.

But my intention is to emulate the Principles by pointing out that our PANDEMIC of loneliness and isolation is perpetuating a form of violence on the misery it's causing. And I believe we - meaning society - are at the point where we'll need to consider how to do the equivalent of a "Sit-in for Social Connection" if ANY voices in our own minds or stated by someone else try to devalue the need for social connection. The image below is tough to look at, but I add it in honor of the courageous young people who peacefully resisted hatred by sitting at a Woolworth counter as a demonstration of nonviolent resistance .

To be clear - I recognize that Civil Rights is VASTLY DIFFERENT from issues of loneliness. I add this image and idea, however, to point out that ISOLATION is what is literally killing us.

And any messages or influence telling us "we can do it on our own" versus working to be kind to ourselves and others is - hopefully unwittingly - spreading out of date, likely heavily biased, non-scientific information that needs to stop.

This is also why I'm posting the picture of these incredibly brave young people, (who as you'll note in this photo are white and black working together) who famously trained with Dr. King and other Civil Rights Leaders BEFORE they went to sit at this counter. You can watch the preview of the documentary, John Lewis-Get In The Way (screencap below) to see a sample of the training for these non-violent workshops. This is a photo of people role playing what they might face when doing an actual sit-in when dealing with segregation in the reality of harrowing racism and hatred.

Our Need for Kindness and Social Connection Training

I've been working on developing a workshop to deal with loneliness and isolation called Togetherland . I'll be posting the updated powerpoint and instructions on how to lead a workshop for anyone who would like to do so.

What I've come to realize, based on the precedents of global thought leaders like the people in Somerset England's town of Frome who helped to directly address loneliness is that WE MUST TRAIN people how to have self-kindness for themselves, proactive kindness for others, and kindness for the planet manifesting in individual and societal change. (I call this The Seen Transition you can read about in a different LinkedIn post here).

The precedent of the sit-ins and Dr. King and other Civil Rights leaders I wish to honor is the need for all of us - especially Westerners suffering from an ideology that says we have to be strong and alone as an ideology - to train and be equipped to deal with the PANDEMIC we are now facing.

The wonderful, healing, glorious news - this may seem like an insurmountable challenge, but we can - and will - do it together.

Training as exampled by the brave people from these sit-ins, however, has to be done over and over and over so you get said training into your bones.

Into your heart.

Into your soul.

So LET IT BEGIN.

Let us train to be kind to ourselves as a way to address the social isolation we face in our midst (and I mean YOUR midst - 1 in 2 Americans suffers from an isolation oriented loneliness so this training is meant to help YOU and your loved ones).

Part One is to identify how important this epidemic or pandemic is, especially because it is SILENT.

Or it's talked about in whispers because it's perceived to be anathema to discuss because we're supposed to be strong. And alone. And independent.

No. No longer. We must work as a society to understand how to address ourselves and each other, even when we say, "I want to be left alone" or "that person wants to be left alone - I don't want to be invasive." Our actions of kindness are only "invasive" in a society that says "you should be able to handle life on your own."

I'm working to equip myself and others with this knowledge. And I can't wait to discover how to help others and the planet while growing this awareness.

In kindness. In social connection. Working against violence. Training in love.