I take calculated risks, but I suck at math

July 31, 2017 - A major milestone marker in my adult life. It's the day I quit my job. I'd like to share with you my journey from University, to Amazon, to where I am now.

"Hey [insert manager name here], I actually wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for quite some time[...] It actually took me a long time to come to this decision and I've talked to my family about it as well. I think I am going to be putting in my two weeks notice[...] I've been working on having the team be able to run the show without me, not just to develop them, but so that I can actually step out of the picture[...] Of course, I'll definitely make sure the team is good before I fully resign, I wouldn't just leave you guys without a leg to stand on." - Me awkwardly having a conversation with my boss about quitting.

I had never done something like this before, all my life I've only known to pursue in ACQUIRING something, never letting something go. For months, I rattled my brain in making this decision, bothered my friends with my complaining, and had fluctuating days of wanting to go through with it or waiting it out.

COLLEGE

I wasn't necessarily what you would call a genius while I was in academia (high school and early college). I kind of let myself coast through and just get by. I went into my freshman year of college thinking I'll go into medicine, (really breaking the stereotype here right?). It was that summer after freshman year that my aunt visited and flat out asked me, "Pathik, why do you want to do medicine?" I didn't even believe the rubbish reasons that spewed from my mouth for why I wanted to go into medicine. It was then that I realized there wasn't enough drive to get me through med school, rotations, residency. I chose to go after business after seeing my aunt doing it and the broad opportunities it provided.

The business school at Rutgers would normally start your Junior year if you switched over, but like I said, my grades weren't really the best. I actually ended up taking a risk and aimed to do a 5th year, and use my junior year to improve my grades. Junior year was coming to end, application time was coming up, I made sure to dot my I's, cross my T's, and make sure that I get everything in on time. Finally, the day that would decide my future career/degree came along. Full of anticipation and anxious nervousness as everyone else found out, I hesitatingly checked my emails. Login, check. Password, check. Damn it, typed too fast, redo password. Ok I'm in. There it was! The email with the response! I hurriedly open it and start reading. "DEAR MR. PARIKH..." [yes yes that's my name, keep going] aaaaaand BOOM, rejected! That sucked, not gonna lie, but by some grace of God, I get a second email, from another campus of Rutgers basically saying "Hey man, so, we heard you didn't get in at New Brunswick, but, like, we totally have a seat for you here at Newark". Normally this would be great news, but I felt my heart sink as I read this email. This meant I would no longer be by my friends that I've built over the last three years, no longer be associated with the clubs I was actively in, and no longer an active member of the fraternity I was in. It was bittersweet to say the least, but I knew I had to seize this opportunity.

This was a fresh start, clean slate, new chance to prove myself, and I was NOT going to mess it up. I busted my butt to make sure I stayed on top of my classes, grades, and exams. I picked up various jobs to help pay for gas and food, such as working at Dunkin Donuts and becoming a certified pharmacy technician at CVS. This meant that at times, I only slept three hours a night, but I refused to let anything stop me or slow me down. I didn't waste time messing around on campus. I would spend downtime in the computer labs and crank out any work I had, I would study while I ate lunch [really though it was just two PB&J sandwiches and a bottle of water so I could save money], and even made time for the gym. I slowly built a close circle of friends in Newark, from both Rutgers and NJIT who help keep me sane when I needed it. I wasn't going to let my poor work ethic from before hinder me now, I was going to rebuild my discipline and work ethic by my own will.

My final [fifth] year was finally here. My fellow classmates would be buzzing talking about their experiences from the amazing internships and co-ops they had over the summer, and the extended full time offers that came from them. Then there was me, who couldn't land an internship, a co-op, or any job at the time. I was definitely worried. Had my past finally caught up to me? Did I just waste my parents' money in college to show them I simply messed up for 5 years? Would I be a disappointment? What will people think? I cranked up my job hunt and application process to an 11 and went all out. I would go to any and all career fairs I was allowed to go to, I would apply to anything that mentioned college hiring, I would try to utilize my entire network...but still nothing.

IS THIS REAL LIFE OR IS IT A FANTA-SEA?

Some time in February or March I remember I was kicking back with a few friends in the student center when I received an email from an Amazon recruiter saying that they wanted me to come for an on-campus interview. My first and immediate thought was, "they definitely messed up and got the wrong guy". This had happened in high school, where they called me down to be part of a club picture that I wasn't even in. Turns out they were looking for a Pratik Parikh, not Pathik Parikh. It happened again in high school during midterms for AP Calculus. The teacher came around and was giving our grades. I apparently got a 97 and my buddy, Parth Parikh, got a 78. I immediately questioned her, jokingly, "you sure you didn't mix us up?". She eventually tracked me down in the hallway at lunch and said she actually did mix us up and the 78 was my grade. So it only makes sense the same thing happened here, but I'd be a fool not to go to the interview. I show up on time, sit down with the recruiter, have a simple conversation [because in my head I already assumed there's no way I'm getting this], shake hands and we go our separate ways. Within 30 minutes I get an email saying they want me to come back for second round of on-site interviews. I WAS ECSTATIC....that they didn't catch this mistake of asking me to come again! But like I said, I'd be crazy not to show up at all. This time it was a 4 hour process in Delaware at their fulfillment center with 5 different people interviewing me. This is where I realized who I was up against. Students from Carnegie Mellon, Syracuse, Duke, Penn State, who all had internships ranging from top companies to helping work the building of Port Authority in NYC. I stood no chance against them. I used this again as just an opportunity to learn from and treated each interview as a conversation. After each interview, they actually would have us reconvene in our waiting room with the group. We'd share our overall experience so far with each other. Something stood out to me here. These guys from these Universities with their internships and experience were sweating bullets! They were saying they felt like they were being scrutinized, but I literally had the same people interview me and we walked out laughing. I suddenly felt like I might have a leg to stand on, I might actually be able to go toe to toe with the other candidates. I will never forget the moment I knew I nailed the interview. My fifth and final interview was with a Senior Operations Manager, and he was taking on my math based and situational/role playing based questions. I gave my honest, sincere responses on what I'd do in the scenario, what I'd consider, and why. He finished jotting his notes, looked up at me from his pad-folio, looked back down, took a quick breath in and said "That's literally exactly what I was looking for" and shut his pad-folio. My first thought was "Are you even allowed to tell me that?", followed by "DUDE WHAT!".

Work Hard. Have Fun. Make History.

Within two hours of this 4 hour process, the recruiter reached out to me to unofficially congratulate me on securing my first job out of college. I can't remember if I was speechless or if I was crying, but the cashier at Walmart didn't know how to react to me either. In that single moment, every all-nighter pulled, every missed event to focus on school, every panic filled night of what will happen, every commute stuck in traffic to school or work, finally became worth it. What was to follow in the next three years was nothing short of absolutely amazing.

With Amazon, I was able to move to Southern California to operate in the first fulfillment center in California and West Coast. Right off the get go, I was the youngest person in my role in my department, and I genuinely having a good time raising the bar. I was promoting each chance I could. I got the chance to work with various teams from HR to safety to facilities, to OB, to Quality Assurance, to IT to carrier dispatches. I was able to lead teams of up to 700 people during the holiday season and indirectly oversee over 1500 people at one time. I got to participate in interviewing internally and externally for various levels of management. I was surrounded by some of the best leaders and most supportive managers I ever had. It truly felt like a family. I even got the amazing chance to train the North American VP of Operations on the inbound operation. You would think that as you look higher up the management ladder, emotional intelligence goes out the window, but it was the complete opposite. Even my regional director would make an effort to have a personal touch with the leaders of the building [of of many buildings he oversaw]. I was able to team with other departments to create brand new layouts for the building, new processes for the departments, and new cross functional teams to improve overall efficiencies. I even implemented a training and onboarding methodology that we incorporated region wide. I had some of the best working relationships I could have imagined, with people of all ages, all levels, and all aspects of the warehouse. It was too good to be true for an operations based role. The experience I got for a role right out of college was unparalleled, I was even featured on their website for a spotlight on college hires.

WHY?

So the question comes up, why the hell would I quit? After everything I just got done explaining, about how lucky I got to be able to have this role, about how much the role helped me develop my skill set, about the opportunities I only was able to have because of this company, why would I choose to leave it all? This brings me to the reason for this article, and what I want to really shed light on. For me, I loved what I got to do day to day at work. I loved the people I worked with. I even loved the sense of accomplishment I got from work. What else could you want right? While I truly enjoyed the job that I had, I slowly started realizing that there was still a large hole in my life, and that was having a life. I found myself spending my days off literally doing nothing so that I could unwind from the work week or simply sleeping away the days off. There wasn't really much time during the work week to do things after shift because it was a constant routine of wake up-work-come home-gym-sleep-repeat. I would have friends tell me that there's more important things than a nice company name on your resume or money, but I just told myself they didn't understand. I would have other friends tell me that I needed to change things up based on the lifestyle I was living and their concern over it.

Let me make one thing very clear here, in no way am I saying Amazon was a bad place to work. I'll still dispute the claims in the infamous article about the culture of Amazon work. Like I said before, I ALWAYS felt support and actual care from my superiors, hell I've actually been told to go home by upper management because they saw how I'd get carried away in my projects and forget the time. Never have I ever received a phone call or email that was condescending or derogatory. And I never felt like it was dog eat dog/cut throat/everyone out to sweep your legs to look out for themselves. I LOVED what I got to do and the team I worked with. My struggle was having a proper work life balance.

I even tried transferring closer to home, back to Jersey, to be by family and close friends, but it almost seemed that much more difficult. Probably because I was actually closer to them but still couldn't make much time for them. After months of contemplating and going back and forth and bugging the hell out of my friends with my complaining, I made the choice to resign from Amazon, without having another job lined up. What helped me make this decision was knowing the kind of lifestyle I wished to live and knowing that I needed to take matters in my hands to make it happen. Life wasn't going to miraculously drop the perfect opportunity on my lap just because I wanted it. I had to take control. One week before I actually gave my two week notice, I spent time with a large amount of family for a wedding. I realized something then, I had forgotten what life with social interaction was like. That's when I knew I had to quit.

I wasn't necessarily afraid of what was to come. I actually took my time to travel around the US alone and visit family and friends and national parks. I let myself explore while hiking, take in experiences from mountains, and truly enjoy friends' company. What I was actually nervous about wasn't finding a job, but the stigma that may come from leaving a prestigious company to willingly become unemployed. I have the utmost confidence in my skills, experience, and ability to adapt and learn. I am not worried about being able to excel in the next role I take on, it's the stigma of leaving my previous job that might hinder me from finding a new job that had me worried.

I've seen a lot of posts in recent months about career hiatuses and the need for open mindedness in the workforce. I'm glad that it's coming to light the importance for individuals to be able to enjoy a proper personal life outside of work. I've definitely had a change of mind from when I first started working about what is important in life. While I know I'll still give my 100% in the job I take on, what matters most will be what I do outside of work. People ask me now "Where do you want to apply/what do you want to do?" I know my niche is operations, but I don't have a solid answer for them. Who I am and what I want to do should not be decided based on where I work. I hear a lot that a job gave someone skills or qualities to succeed based on what they did for work. While I agree with that, I still believe what a person does outside of work and who they are outside of work influences how far those taught skills and trained qualities take them. Having personal endeavors outside of work and time to enjoy life serves as a recharge to come back to work swinging. We always hear about companies looking for the best "well-rounded" candidate, but how do you think they became well-rounded? It was based on what they did outside of work, and now then can bring that unique personality to the team.

It's been a few months now since I've left my previous job at Amazon. I've only recently sat down to start applying. I'm very much looking forward to interviews and being asked the question about why I left Amazon. A good friend of mine said it best that this isn't just a chance for companies to interview you, but for you to also interview the company to see if it is a good fit for you.

To those out there who are in between jobs, take the time for yourselves. Expand your life's experiences, step out of your comfort zones, and show the world that you truly are unique in what you have to offer. I'm still learning as I go through this process myself, but I'm more than willing to talk to you or answer any questions you might have about the choice I made to resign from a position that people have told me they'd kill for.