I Survived Unemployment

Here's What Long-Term Unemployment Looks Like

Losing your job sucks and when it happens it feel like you are living a real life-nightmare. I don't often talk about my own personal journey but in 2017, I got laid off the Thursday before Thanksgiving after what was already my 2nd job that year, and I truly felt like I had not only failed myself but my family. I knew that that odds of me getting hired were slim to none and at best I might get hired by late January.

But what if I told you that losing your job is also a way to to discover what you want and who you are?

I know that there are people right now that feel like that they have exercised every job search strategies?under the sun, and still nothing. I know what it's like to feel like you are racing against the clock and the money is running short and every rejection is just one more punch in the gut.

So how do you get through the job search process without becoming discouraged or, worse, cynical? What grander life questions can be uncovered during career limbo? And what if, in fact, this existential crisis is the exciting breakthrough you needed all along? Here are some of my takeaways and how I survived my job search.

How Long-Term Happened

As I mentioned I was laid off by a company the Thursday before Thanksgiving. I stood there clutching my purse, thinking this was the job, that was supposed to help me get my life back on track, see earlier that year, another company failed to live up to what they offered in terms of work location, and kept extending my training in their office that was over an hour away, and I was having to pay for parking (prior to this I had not had a job for the previous 6 months). As 2017, was was coming to a close, I had become a shell of myself, my anxiety controlled my life and to say I was desperate was an understatement.

There I was in the most barren season to find a job "the holidays". There is a small window right after Thanksgiving to about December 10th that you will still get interviews and companies will show interest but most likely they are not going to make any moves until after January 5th (at the earliest). See all of my years as a recruiter well equipped me with the knowledge of recruiting cycles. I didn’t allow this technicality to deter me from my search, and I strived to make the most of it.

Cue the Inner Turmoil

After getting over the initial shock and sadness of my losing my job, I realized that I had honestly become a shell of the person that I once was. As a recruiter, I was accustomed to long hours and stressful deadlines; but now I had time to really be there for my daughter, and I could attend her field hockey games, for the first time in her life, I could actually pick her up from school. I was actually cooking meals and not always rushing around and eating out.

But, in fact, I did not get used to it—the work free bliss quickly faded. Truth, the longest I had ever gone unemployed in my entire career was 2 weeks, and this was the first time, that I had no prospects in sight. My once optimistic and carefree outlook was soon overtaken by self-doubt and fear. Thoughts like “What if I never get a job”, “How am I going to support my daughter" and even the heavy-handed “Who am I?” loomed. My anxieties took over full force and consequently drove me down into a serious depression that lasted for nearly two months.

At a crossroads, I realized I needed to find a way to pull myself out of the downward spiral. I was fortunate that two women offered me some coaching free of charge, and without their help I don't know if I would have survived. They taught me how to adopt positive and practical habits. I reinvigorated my job search but also found alternative approaches and even starting my own little side hustle, but more importantly I was reminded to enjoy life where I was and to make the most of this time. After all, your job is just one part of your life, and it certainly doesn’t define you.

How to?Deal With?Being On Unemployment

Start by Giving Yourself a Break

A seemingly simple concept but certainly not easy to execute. Stress is inevitable during unemployment, but you must make the best of the existing circumstances. Maintaining a calm mind and body will not only make you less?anxious, but also allow you to be more creative.

Giving yourself a mental or physical break whether it’s meditation, journaling, listening to classical music, taking a bath or going for a long hike will give you the ability to think and feel more clearly. Job emails and interviews will be easier to tackle. You will be able to enjoy fun with your friends and family. You will be more present.

The key is to commit to staying relaxed. It’s surprisingly difficult, but try to check your feelings often. A peaceful mind is a happy mind.

Use the Free Time to Reflect but Not Dwell

Think about what you liked and didn’t like about your last job and what you’d like to change this time around. The last thing you want to do is find yourself in a similar or unsuited situation just because you’re anxious to get a paycheck. The better you know what you want, the easier it will be to communicate in your interviews and ensure that your next experience will be more satisfying. Take time to reflect, but try not to dwell on the negative. Once you’ve identified what you’d like to change or improve, focus on the process and leave the past in the past.

Make a Change, Big or Small

When you feel blue, why not try something new? The change can be significant or subtle but, trust me, it’s always impactful.

For me, that big change was offering my services as a resume writer. The truth is, this little Career Coaching business didn't start because I had a dream of being an entrepreneur, it started out of necessity. If you asked me today, where I found my first few clients, I would honestly, have to tell you that I don't remember, and I wasn't even really using LinkedIn like I do now.

I get that your big change may not be starting a side hustle, and I will tell you my little business did not start on a shoe string budget, we didn't even have enough for a shoestring.

Other examples of a big change could be going back to school, moving to a new city/state or even a new apartment,?taking an online class. These options require money (something you might not have in excess during your unemployment), but if you have the means to make a major life shift, it might be the thing to inspire, reinvigorate, or redefine the next step in your career path.

If you’re not ready or able to make such a bold jump or financial commitment, there are simpler solutions. Rearrange the furniture in your apartment to mix up your living environment. Read a new book to expand your perspective and thinking. (Might I recommend?Getting There ?and?What I Talk About When I Talk About Running , two inspiring books that illuminate on finding meaning in work and life). Take a class to enhance your?resume?or for your own personal enrichment. Change, no matter how small, is progress.

Set and Keep a Routine—Especially?Because You Don't Have To

Without a job to structure your days, it’s natural to feel a bit directionless. Set up an easy morning routine you can commit to on the weekdays. While waking up early, making breakfast, and checking jobs for an hour may seem minor, it gives your day purpose. They are small victories but victories nonetheless. Keeping busy and feeling productive will help you to relax and focus.

I was lucky that I had my daughter, which required me to get up and out of bed, and when I was in a very dark place, I would often come back home and go back to bed. Once I set up a new routine, I actually, would pack myself a lunch and then go and work at the Starbucks, while she was in school. This was my job!

Don't forget to Stay social and set weekly plans with your friends to keep yourself on an evening routine. It will not only give you something to look forward to but it could be a way to subtly network and learn about new opportunities.

Focus on Spending Time with Good People

You are the company you keep so during this time it’s best to be around positive and supportive beings. Reach out to close friends and family that you feel comfortable talking to about your tough work situation. Let them distract and ease you with jokes or a fun outing. Don’t be afraid to?reach out to your trusted mentors for advice?or to hear their own work stories.

I was fortunate that I had an amazing friend that literally would check in on me every single day, in fact, to this day, he still texts me daily, even if one of us is traveling.

Keep away from those who make you feel ashamed or negative. Their energy will only cause harm and diminish the confidence you will need to find a fulfilling position. Perhaps you know someone going through the same dilemma. Commiserating together might be okay in the beginning but quickly commit to empowering each other on the quest for new work. Propose group work sessions. Edit each other's resume and cover letters. Practice mock interviews.

Having a solid support system will boost your morale, maintain your interpersonal skills, and most importantly remind you that you are not in this alone.

Exercise

Confession: during this period of time I was not exercising and my physical health suffered greatly, and one thing that I wish I had maintained as part of my routine. Do this because it is important to your wellbeing. Being active helps you to relax (see my first point on "giving yourself a break"), keeps your feeling strong, and is a healthy way to fill up your day.

Working out doesn’t have to be a drag or a big feat, simply take a 20-minute walk around the neighborhood every day. Just keep your body moving. Some fresh air never hurt anyone.

Embrace the Existential Crisis

Sure, unemployment might feel like one long mental breakdown. But instead of denying it, why not embrace it? If?you're working hard in your search, you will find a job. It will happen.

So be nice to yourself. Remember that most of the things you say to yourself, you would never to a friend. It’s quite unlikely you’ll see any positive changes if you keep beating yourself up.

The fact is, life is long and forever changing. The best way to survive and enjoy it is to accept that it is hard but you will overcome it. Not to wrap this up like the end of a Mr. Rogers episode, but consider that this hardship is just a chapter in your life story. Overcoming this trial will only help you to be a more interesting and enlightened person.

And yes, I did land a job and finally started working again, February of 2018, but in those few months, I had started building this tiny little business. What started just working on resumes, was expanding to interview prep, job negotiations and I was learning and teaching myself how to actually navigate this little thing called LinkedIn. And in June of 2018, when I was told I was being laid off, this time I was not scared or even nervous, I saw it as an opportunity to take what I was doing on a part-time basis and go all in. Everything I had gone through taught me to believe in myself, and well now 5 years later here we are and still going strong!

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