The "I Stink Rule"

Do you smell that?

I am a pretty laid-back guy. It takes a lot for me to get upset. Generally, I take everything with a grain of salt. Water off the back of a duck approach.

What it is, is what it is.

It would be a lie if I said certain things don’t rile me up. I don’t like bullies, and I especially dislike petty people. Most of the time I stay away from both.

What I can’t abide by is making a mistake and no one corrects me. That is instant grounds for dismissal. No explanation is needed. Gone.

I stink and you didn’t tell me?!

We are all trying to make our way in whatever we hold value in. Whether it is work, creating, parenting, or just about anything, we want to know we are doing right by ourselves and the people around us. Oftentimes, we make mistakes.

Should I have gone left instead of right?

Watching someone make a mistake and not correcting it speaks volumes about your character. And most of the time they rationalize it by thinking that they don’t want to be the bad guy. They just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. They don’t want to get involved.

So, they let you stink.

I get it. Some people have difficulty taking constructive criticism. No one wants to appear weak in a room full of your peers. It’s humiliating enough to have someone think less of you. Especially at work, or with a group of friends.

Most of the time, that constructive criticism is met with anger and resentment.

Who wants to be known as the stinky kid?

A lot of why that is in the digital age of connection has to do with being singled out and made fun of by strangers. It’s counterintuitive to how we view ourselves, and how strangers view the character we assume when we are online.

At some point in all of this, we have all dished it out, and have been on the receiving end too. No one wants their mistakes pointed out. Especially by a stranger or a co-worker, we know barely anything about. We have conditioned ourselves.

What are their intentions? Are they just being jerks?

Now there is pointing out someone’s mistakes with the intent that you would like them to succeed. And if that is where you are coming from, then you have no burden to bear. If the individual you are helping can’t get passed their insecurities of growth, that is on them.

You are absolved.

There is also pointing out people’s mistakes with the sole purpose of being petty. And that is not cool. There is always an appropriate time to tell someone to go left instead of right. Singling someone out in a meeting, or online to make yourself elevated is just bad form. It should never be praised or liked.

And you should never, under any circumstances, feed into that bad behavior. No rewards for being a jerk. That is just pretentious.

“An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.” -The movie Steel Magnolias 1989

So If I stink, please tell me I stink. Don’t let me walk around my entire day smelling the joint up. And that goes for everyone else around you, because believe me, there will be times you stink as well. And you would rather have someone pull you aside to let you know.

Just remember to have the decency and empathy that comes from being constructive. Everyone wants to be better. So be better.

And if by some chance, some asshat decided to spot you out in front of a room full of strangers, don’t seek revenge by being a brat to somebody else. Especially a stranger. There are too many of those types of people out there.

And for the many of us who feel that they don’t stink, or have trouble accepting that they do, well that is their cross to bear. Not yours. No one needs you piling on more for the sake of being clever. Hopefully, that lesson will be learned in time. You were never meant to be the teacher.

I value constructive criticism. I value genuine feedback. I implore it. I want to be better every time I sit down to work. I respect you all the more if you can tell me where I went wrong and how I can fix it.

Because sometimes, sitting in your stink long enough, you forget what it smells like.