I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with me

A friend asked me if I would have a coffee with a colleague of his who was thinking of changing jobs after 20 years with one employer. He was looking for some advice. 

We introduced ourselves, sat down, and he began talking. Twenty minutes into a thirty minute meeting, he was still talking. I had not uttered a word. I gently interrupted him and asked permission to give him some feedback. He looked a little taken aback and said "Sure."

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" I asked. He laughed awkwardly and said "Well, yes I have had that feedback on more than one occasion, but at work they know me. They know that I deliver great outcomes, and they are used to me, so it's never been a problem." My response to him was reasonably blunt.

"That's great, but I don't know you, nor do I know anything about you. In fact, we have only just met. So, if you are looking to change jobs, what sort of first impression do you think you are going to make?” *

Someone once told me that human beings are not always good observers of themselves. The way I interpret this. is that we are often not observant enough to really understand the things we must change if we are to achieve our goals.

The truth is that the things we suspect may be holding us back in work or life, generally are the things that are holding us back in work or in life. They may only be small behaviours or habits but being acutely aware of them and then practicing every day to change them, can pay huge dividends.

Here are three tips that will help you become a better observer of yourself:

1. Appoint a 'spotter’.

This individual should be someone you trust, and who works closely with you. A good 'spotter' is generally that person who is always refreshingly honest and not afraid to speak up. They will be the person who will tell when you have spinach or lipstick on your teeth, or pen on your face. It would be easy to choose someone who only ever gives positive feedback but there will be little value in that! Once you have identified someone, share with them what it is that you are trying to achieve. Then ask if they would be prepared to observe you and provide ongoing feedback. This could cover meetings, general interactions, emails and more. It's really important that you listen to them carefully when they do give you feedback as they may well help you uncover a blind spot. We are often told that feedback is a gift. Good feedback can change your life.

2. Make a list.

Write down the thing or things that you suspect may be holding you back, but you have never confirmed for a fact. Maybe you have already have received some feedback, but you haven't sought to qualify it with anyone else.

The physical act of writing or typing it in black and white will bring it to the forefront of your mind. It may be any number of things. Maybe your voice goes up an octave or more when you are speaking in front of others. It could be that you are speaking too quickly, or not contributing enough. It might be that you tend to ramble in emails or when speaking, that you aren't listening actively when others are speaking, or that you easily become defensive when questioned.

3. Consciously watch what you are doing

Video yourself before giving a presentation, then review it carefully, and imagine you are in the audience. Read more of your emails before you send them as if you were the recipient. Slow down before you speak and think about what you are going to say before you say it. These are just a few ideas to enable you to become more bservant.

If you are reading this and thinking that you don't have time to practice these tips, then it is probably even more important that you make the time.

Depending on what you find you need to work on, it may only take a few extra minutes a day to practice new behaviours and approaches. Initially just focus on one thing and seek to improve it. Practice being better every day.

This small investment in your time will be well worth it and help you start to unlock some of your amazing potential.

*In case you cannot sleep for wondering what happened to the guy who talked too much, I have no idea. I did get an email from him the next day, thanking me sincerely for the feedback. He said he now realised that he had some work to do before he started looking for another job.

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