I soon turn 35...and I may have a midlife crisis...but that's ok.

It hit me that I am under a month away from my 35th birthday.

Yay?!

With that said – I have said (only half joking) that I’ll probably have a mid-life crisis at 35. To which many people have said to me: “Dude you are way too young for that.”.

But leaning into the "what if I do have one...how can I work through that" is an interesting exercise. Hear me out.

When I was taking Building the Behavioural Advisor with Shaping wealth and had a one on one session with Dr. Dr. Jordan A. Hutchison – he mentioned in passing to me that there was research that showed that there is an increase in people making big life decisions in the years ending in 9. 29, 39, 49 etc.

(Shout out to Dr. Hal Hershfield & Adam Alter :https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1415086111 )

There is a noted increase in things at those age such as marathons run for the first time…or affairs that happen.

It makes sense. We are about to hit a new decade. It’s a moment to pause and reflect.

For many…it might also be a realization that we are NOT who we wanted to be.? Or perhaps there are facets of our life that don’t quite reflect who or what we wanted to be.

The research cited discusses how people who have the age ending in 9 (9-ender) are more likely than other ages to:

-????????? Engage in an extramarital affair

-????????? Commit suicide

-????????? Train harder for/Attempt a marathon

The underlying theory is that with so much importance placed on that entering of a new decade – it forces people to stop and take stock of their life and where they are. It can force a “crisis of meaning”.

I will say that while day to day concerns and anxiety aren’t a thing…I definitely have worries about whether I will wake up and regret components of my life. These are frequent thoughts I have:

-????????? Will I have worked hard enough and achieved what I wanted to?

-????????? Will I have worked too hard and not seen enough of my kids?

-????????? Will I make enough money?

-????????? What if it all doesn’t work out?

-????????? How happy am I?

-????????? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?

?

And then there are all the other “regular thoughts”

-????????? Was I a good parent today?

-????????? Did I tell my kids I loved them?

-????????? Are my wife and I doing ok? (We are…for those who follow on twitter – all hail the queen!)

-????????? Ugh I’ve gained weight

-????????? Oh no I didn’t do ________

-????????? Etc

?

(You might notice an odd amount of negative self talk. It’s a problem. I’m trying to work on it).

But buried inside all of that – staring at 35 was a realization. There’s an opportunity here.

Instead of looking at this as “What? haven’t I done” and “Oh no my life is over by 40” – there’s a chance to jump forward in time and ask myself:

“If I’m like everyone else here: I’m going to get to 39 and stare back and ask myself what I did with my life. What will I regret the most?”

Heck what will I regret when I turn 35?

What will I regret not doing by next week?

Why not use that idea of regret and self-reflection of myself in the future to channel what I do today?

If I get to 39 and realize I don’t feel in shape or need some type of exercise based goal – why not think through that and make change now?

I don’t know “why” people have affairs (I haven’t studied the data on it) – but if part of it is due to a breakdown in marriage or a lack of being close – why not think through how to close that gap now and lay a better foundation before 39?

In that spirit I just wanted to openly talk about some of the things I think I may regret by the time I get to 39. I know I want some of the things in my life to be the same but I want some things to change.

-????????? I want to have more internal confidence. Not the day to day confidence but I want to ease the anxiety that gnaws at me that makes me question every damn day “what if I fail? What if this all goes away? What if I’m not good enough?” I don't want to wake up with that gnawing anxiety 4 years from now.

-????????? I want to operate from a place of joy. From where I think God has called me to be. I get closer and closer and I want to look back in 4 more years at 39 and say “I took steps to get closer over that time”

-????????? I want to spend more time with my kids. I want to build memories with them and my wife while they love me and I love them and we all want to spend time together. (I write this as it’s March break and I am booked up so they are taking a day trip to Niagara Falls without me). In 4 years I will have an 8 year old, a 10 year old, and a 12 year old. Life will be different. I want to capture memories in this young joy-filled age they have.

-????????? I want to keep falling more in love with my wife and be grateful for the awesome relationship we have every day. In 4 years I want to be able to laugh more, love more, wake up and joke with each other more, and look forward to drinks on our porch and cuddles on our couch even more.

-????????? I love the world of personal finance. I belong inside this industry. I don’t know exactly where I will end up 30 years from now but talking to people, sharing personal finance knowledge, and helping clients see past the day to day challenges with their money is incredible. Personal finance is a puzzle I actually feel equipped to solve and I hope I can do for more and more people. I want to continue to share, and teach, and learn and be smarter at 39 than I am now.

-????????? I want to keep writing, thinking, and sharing knowledge. A friend & Mentor Mark McGrath, CFP?, CIM?, CLU? told me “Write every day online for a year and watch your life change”. I had been following his online journey for about 6 months and had started to see his journey unfold. The same thing is happening to me. I’m excited to keep that momentum going.

-????????? I want to lean into this one epiphany about where my inner joy & strength comes from: I LOVE PEOPLE. I love meeting new people, sharing a room with friends, making bonds and connections and learning from others. I love networking, and conferences, and the craziness of social media interaction like Twitter is well…super cool. I know for sure I want more of that as the years go on. What it looks like – I don’t know. But I know I need to lean into that.

-????????? I want to keep learning and getting smarter. There is joy for me in learning another little nugget about how the world works. Less time passively absorbing the world and more time intentionally sucking up as much knowledge as I can. I don't want my iphone to show me some insane amount of hours spent on social media 4 years from now.

I apologize ?if this wasn’t something you learned from.

But my challenge to you: How often do you pause to take stock of your life?

How often do you jump forward in time to think about what you might regret?

What do you want your life to look like when you get to 29, 39, 49? What will you regret not doing?

Don’t wait.