I should be crying…

Last week I turned 35. If someone told my 25 year old self that you’ll be unemployed, no kids, divorced, single and back living with your parents, she might have just sat where she stood and cried. So I should cry right? But the 35 year old me isn’t curled up balling uncontrollably...Nope. In fact, she’s had one of the best years of her entire life.

Lets rewind a little bit because the best year title didn’t come without fear (rarely does). In the moments that I took to quit my dream job at a place I loved, to tell the people I love that I was leaving, to leave my beloved fur-baby behind, to put my entire apartment into storage by myself, OF COURSE I had anxiety – the phrase “what the F*** am I doing with my life?..is this even the right decision?” crept up almost weekly but then I’d immediately tell myself this “Yes, you’re afraid of taking this leap but you’re more terrified of standing still” and that this time next year, ?you will feel the same way and will regret not taking the opportunity because nothing would have changed because you wouldn’t have tried to change it.

"Whatever you're not changing, you are choosing" - Laurie Buchanan

?So this year, I took a career break to pursue things that were beyond my wildest dreams and had the most incredible experiences in solo travel, meeting the most phenomenal human beings from all over the world and all walks of life along the way. But that’s not all…?

?I sat on the floor of factories, in schools and small living rooms teaching English and computer literacy skills to women between the ages of 20 and 70, the most open, funny, dedicated, industrious and inspiring women I have ever had the pleasure to meet in Kerala, India and Kathmandu Nepal.

?I laughed till I cried and my stomach hurt with new friends and single women in their 50’s and 60’s who were living life on their terms! Solo travelling, unfiltered and unbothered!

?I became more familiar with my 20’s! when I met some hilariously witty women in their early 20’s who reminded me of me and not me at the same time. They gave me pause on my growth since their age and reminded me to be as young as I felt - It also helped that I look 26 and rarely act my age according to them!

?I let go of my fear of heights by paragliding off a mountain cliff in Pokhara, Nepal overlooking the Himalayas and Phewa Lake and then zip lining down the steepest zip line in the world! Just a quick trip down a mountain. If I died, I’d go out happy.

?I serendipitously met and shared stories with some phenomenal women who were either quietly helping the World Health Organization understand AI’s impact on healthcare or leading war conflict resolution for wars we only hear about.

? I connected with a deeper part of myself when I spent a week in the foothills of Kathmandu mountains learning the art of deep stomach breathing focused meditation and now zone into my meditation practice daily and seamlessly.

? I became more attuned and grateful for my indian ayurvedic heritage with more exposure to the lifestyle and methods that improved my health. It was a great lesson and reminder that old-age wisdom is there for a reason and that I should be listening to my parents when they gave me ayurvedic remedies to everything and anything passed down from my family.

? travelling solo means I had MULTIPLE conversations with strangers at airports, on tours, private car rides, in markets, on buses, at restaurants, in toilets, on ferries, huts, airport lounges and hotels. They’d strike up a conversation with me or I with them and even if I never see them again, they left stories with me, I’ll never forget.

?I spent mornings sweating it out in equatorial summer with intense Muay Thai training, falling back in love (after some injuries and surgeries) with kicking ass, being in the ring 6 days a week for 4 weeks. Knowing I'll be back for more. All the while being surrounded by an inspiring collective of equally active, fun-loving, energetic and supportive human beings and new friends.

? I ate fruit from the vendors of the mekong delta markets and scootered (I was on the back seat) through the streets of Ho Chi Minh eating incredible street food and drank my weight in Bac Xiu (Vietnamese ice coffee) on the daily for less than $1!

? I kayaked and swam in complete awe of my experiences, as I took in the views of the Ha Long Bay, one of the 7 natural wonders of the world.

?I began overcoming my fear of deep water and snorkelled with the most beautiful sea life in the Ang Thong Marine Park in Thailand. Managing my anxiety while saying "oh hey fishy"

?"I saw Mt Everest today mum!" I took a 1 hour flight to see the most BREATHTAKING view of the himalayas. I will now not use the word "breathtaking" for anything else other than a view that is comparable to seeing the himalayas from the sky - which will be hard to find.

?I got my 5th and 6th tattoo dedicated to trusting faith over fear and forever acknowledging the strength that comes from the support of my family. What I was consistently reminded of through out my trip.

?Now back in Sydney, I get to be there COMPLETELY for my mum as she recovers from surgery and her health. Laughing about the fact that I now get to repay the care she has given me all these years. Truly enjoying the circle of life and being grateful I took the time to focus on her, my priority.

See, there is the list that you create in your head, maybe the one that the 20-something version of you has, the one that maybe you think society gives you on what “success” looks like, what “happiness” feels like, what “doing great” is. If you keep the comparison going, it will chip away at you, destroying you sooner or later. But success, happiness and greatness lies in growth and knowing you’ll evolve and things will change so it lies in how you challenge yourself, how you adapt to your own changing needs and how you ask yourself to be braver not for anyone else but for yourself.

Yes, I might be single, divorced, unemployed, no kids and back living with my parents but DAMN am I content and re-invigorated by all that I have seen, experienced and given to myself and those I love. After a trying few years to say the least, I know I had the greatest gift, the gift of time and the means to do with that what I can. So I did what I could! AND I know the 25 year old me would be damn proud of the 35 year old woman I’ve become!

I am my greatest hurdles, I am my scars, I am my fears BUT I am also my hard-earned strength, my deepest growth and my unwavering faith and resilience.

All of which have led me to the most vibrant version of the next. Best. Me.

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This is the first of my blog series, I'll be sharing more specific stories and lessons from my adventures and my volunteer work with photos in the coming blogs. Follow along if you're interested in hearing more and reach out if you have any questions.