I said I would never write this story...

I said I would never write this story. That it would be gratuitous to share a glimpse of his life in a public forum. That it would be using his memory in some unholy way. But here I am, writing about it. Because writing is my healing language, and because May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  

1 in 5 people will experience a mental illness during their lifetime.  

He was 19 the first time I got a call from his college roommate. I heard the words, “Emergency room. Overdose.”  

The truth didn’t register with me. At that time, I was not aware of the reality of mental illness. I did not understand its severity or its ferocious grip on the lives of its victims.  

Some people with depression believe that life is not worth living. 

A little more than one year later, I got another call. I drove four hours north, arriving on campus in the early afternoon. I located an outpatient clinic, assuming a little intervention would fix everything. I still did not grasp the gravity of mental illness or its relentless grip on its victims.   

"This is my normal," he confided.

He was 32 when he began sharing more details. The excruciatingly painful days, the fear-laden nights. The utter hopelessness. The constant challenge to keep on living.  

“Mom,” he confided one day, “this is my normal.” 

That’s when I finally accepted, without judgment, the crippling nature of depression. I was overwhelmed with rage and regret as I considered all the circumstances that had pulled him so harshly through trauma and into the depths of depression.  

He began to share more thoughts with me, like these he texted to me about the suicide of his coworker.

I thought he was sharing because we were growing closer emotionally.

Now I know that he was sharing because we were running out of time. 

He was 33 the day I got that final call. A call his younger brother had to make. Two unspeakable words, seared into my heart and mind forever.

And that’s when it became clear. 

What I didn’t know about mental illness cost me so much more than I could afford.  

I am not a mental health professional.

I am just a mom, but I would like to share what I have learned - all that I would have done differently had I truly understood the crippling nature of depression and mental illness. 

• I would stop trying to correct “behaviors” and seek to understand wounds. 
• I would work relentlessly to see the world as he saw it. How often I wish I could sit beside him and ask how the world looks through his eyes.  
• I would not discount fears or insist that life was better than he was able to perceive it. 
• I would listen. And then I would listen more. 
• I would never waste a minute of time – throughout his childhood, his teen years, and his young adult life. 
• I would change my priorities by choosing playtime over housecleaning, compassion over irritation, hugs over emotional distance, attention over career, and sacrifice over busyness.  

Three aspects of mental illness I know best: trauma, depression, and suicide.

Trauma 

• Trauma, such as abuse or a catastrophic event, is the second-most common factor in mental distress.
• Trauma causes a declining ability to cope and a negative impact on mental health. 
• People who have been through trauma are three times more likely to experience depression. 

Depression 

• Major depression is a mood disorder that affects nearly 7% of American adults.  
• Depression is much more than having “the blues,” and a person can’t just “snap out of it.” 
• Depression leads to emotional and physical problems that can interfere with day-to-day activities.  

90% of individuals who die by suicide had symptoms of mental illness.

Suicide 

• Globally, 800,000 individuals die by suicide each year. 
• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among those ages 15-24. 
• Men account for 79% of all suicides. 
• The overall suicide rate in the U.S. has increased by 35% since 1999. 

You might know someone who battles the demon of mental illness - or you might be that person.  

Don't go it alone!

From the Experts:

• Process your thoughts. It might feel safest to avoid confronting feelings, but acknowledging how you have been impacted is an important part of healing.
• Connect with people. The pain of trauma can lead to isolation, but having a support system is a crucial part of wellbeing. 
• Take care of your body. Stress and trauma impact your physical health just as much as your mind. Listening and responding to your body's needs will help you heal.
• Don’t compare your experience to others. You might try to convince yourself that what you have experienced wasn’t a big deal because “others have it worse.” The truth is - trauma is trauma - and if it hurt you, then it hurt you. 
• There is no set timeline for how you “should” heal. Remove the pressure of bouncing back quickly and focus on taking it one step at a time.
• Give yourself grace. Instead of doubting your feelings and actions, think about how impressive it is that you have kept going, despite what you have faced.  
• Don’t feel ashamed to ask for help. How others cope doesn't matter in your journey. If you feel like you need or want help, then it's important that you reach out to others.

What businesses can do: 

• Call May out as Mental Health Awareness Month.
• Use free resources for education and distribution: Mental Health America (MHA) and National Alliance of Mental Health (NAMI). 
• Consider other ways to provide resources for employees who are struggling with depression or are dealing with someone who is. 

What individuals can do: 

• Take a free, confidential mental health screening.  
• Learn the signs. 
• Seek to understand. 

Sources: Mental Health America; National Alliance on Mental Health, Mayo Clinic, National Center for Biological Information 

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