I said something in a coaching call that made my coachee cry
They were frustrated that they were working their ass off, but did not get any thanks.
They were jealous that other colleagues more senior were delivering less competent work (which they ended up having to re-do) but their senior colleagues got the recognition, but they did not get any.
They've been in the role for over a year now. Their boss kept delaying their annual performance review because their boss was too busy working. Meanwhile, rent and cost of living is up but their salary is still the same.
In terms of career growth, they felt like they are tapering off and doing more of the same but not getting clear direction on how to level up to a more senior level.
This wound was an open sore ??
I paused to collect my thoughts. I chose my next words very carefully.
Here's the thing I said that made them cry:
"When I went through this myself, comparing myself to others was my recipe for misery.
Wanting the thing I want but cannot have was the thing that made everything taste bitter.
It's natural to feel this way because we are human.
But it's more productive to see it for what it is and do something else about it; because simply wishing something would be better but it doesn't improve will only make you feel worse."
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To all managers reading, hear this: Let the people you manage know where they stand. Be clear. Tell them.
Maybe the company isn't doing well and no one's getting promoted in the foreseeable future. Tell them.
Maybe their performance they thought was world-class was not that world-class after all. Time for a reality check. Tell them.
Maybe you see exactly where they are stuck but you are busy. Make time; it's your job. Tell them.
Just tell them.
Because if you don't tell them, that fog, that uncertainty, your silence itself - that is the devil's playground that wreaks havoc in your direct report's mind.
Have that difficult conversation. Say the thing. As a people-manager, that's your job.
Just tell them.
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??, Tim..
Coaching teams and leaders to reach their creative and collaborative potential
2 个月OMG YESSSSSSS Tim Yeo, UNCERTAINTY IS THE DEVIL'S PLAYGROUND ?? And comparing oneself to others is a one way ticket on the Crazy Train. The truest part of this true story, though, is that you put the onus where it belongs. SAY THE DAMN THING, managers! ????
Product Designer at Just Eat Takeaway.com
2 个月Completely agree! 1.report wants to know where they are and what it takes towards next level 2report thinks they already are at certain level but manger disagrees 3.report and manager both think report is certain level but due to other constraints promotion is not possible These are completely different situations and conversation and I see lots of confusion misunderstanding the 1 and 2 from manager’s side. Just simply sharing what manager thinks or what the situation is enough. Clarity ??