I Remember

I REMEMBER Inspired by my book “Cupboard Boy” by P T Saunders

I remember the light from inside being blocked out, as his huge figure filled the door frame.

I remember the first time I saw his black face and his contrasting white teeth.

I remember his smoky breath as he bent down to great me and said hello.

I remember that first night that I stayed in that strange, damp smelly and noisy house.

I remember the sound of strangers laughing and talking at the top of their voices.

I remember the sound of Reggae Music vibrating through the bedroom floor.

I remember feeling lonely, scared and just wanting to go home.

I remember the sounds of his fist connecting with my mother’s face and of her pleading with him to stop. Whilst I lay in that damp and smelly bed.

I remember the sudden silence, and thinking my mum was dead.

I remember the first time he gave me a belt. The pain was like no other that I had ever felt.

I remember lying on my bed feeling hungry after the evil bastard sent us to bed without having been fed.

I remember sneaking down the stairs and stealing some bread.

I remember the clout he gave me across my head ‘for stealing.’ He said.

I remember thinking that I’d be better off dead than having to sneak downstairs to steal a round of bread.

I remember the window I accidently smashed.

I remember seeing my balls in the yard, that had all been slashed.

I remember the day Little Paul first flew through the air, as he was thrown without a care.

I remember the time I heard Paul’s head bounce of every stair, as he was dragged to the cupboard under the stairs

I remember Little Paul squealing like a thousand frightened pigs, as he was dragged outside by his hair and stripped bare.

I remember my sister being burnt by the fire whilst trying not to cry.

I remember the smell of the plasma as it tainted the air and rand down her legs.

I remember the day Paul was told that he had cancer at just nineteen years old.

I remember him dying and his body getting cold still only nineteen years old.

I remember.

I wish I couldn’t.