I Recommend You Try: Respond Instead of React

Criticism is a fact of life. We all face it at some point, whether it’s feedback on a project, a disappointed client, or a performance review that feels harsh. In those moments, our natural instinct might be to defend ourselves, counter with facts, or even withdraw entirely. But real personal growth comes when we choose to respond rather than react.

Here's why responding is better than reacting, and how to do it like it's your usual approach.

The Reaction Trap: Why This Often Goes Wrong

When we react to criticism, we’re usually operating from an emotional place. Reactions are instant, unfiltered, and typically defensive. We rush to protect our ego, defend our work, or uphold our reputation. While this feels justified in the moment, it can lead us to difficult circumstances.

Imagine snapping at someone, (a loved-one, a client, or a colleague) only to realise that the relationship has become irrevocably damaged. Or firing off an email in frustration that leaves the wrong impression. Reactions usually escalate rather than resolve situations, making it hard to get back on a firm footing.

Reacting also means we’re not really listening. We aren’t hearing the other person’s perspective. Instead of trying to understand, our focus is on defending and this shuts down opportunity for productive dialogue. It limits our ability to learn and grow from the experience.

Responding, on the other hand, means time's been taken to consider what’s been said and creates an opportunity for respect and improvement.

Responding is Productive (and Powerful)

When we respond rather than react, we’ve processed the feedback and can address it thoughtfully. The response time needed may be just a few seconds or minutes, or may require several hours or days.

Responding doesn’t ignore our emotions but rather gives us opportunity to manage them. Through this, we’re more likely to see criticism as constructive rather than personal and gives us the space and power to grow rather than retreat, feeling wounded.

And here’s an unanticipated benefit - responding promotes trust. When criticism is approached with maturity and openness, we signal commitment to the relationship and to improvement. Respect for different viewpoints is shown and openness to collaboration. These qualities not only make for better leadership, teamworking, and friendship, but they also encourage honesty and respect during engagement.

5 Steps to Make Responding Work for You

How can we deal with criticism in a way that’s constructive rather than confrontational? These simple steps will help:

1. Pause Before You Speak

Take a deep breath or count to three. This helps us step back from an emotional reaction towards a considered response. If more time is needed and circumstances allow, it’s okay to say, “Thanks for your feedback. I’d like to think about it and get back to you.” You might even add “I might have some questions to ask so I understand fully.”

2. Seek to Understand

If the criticism isn’t clear, ask clarifying questions. For example, “Can you help me by describing what specifically didn’t work for you?” or “Could you expand on that a little more so I see things from your perspective?” Non-confrontational questions asked in a neutral tone portray openness and help get to the root of the issue.

3. Acknowledge Valid Points

There’s always something valuable, even in harsh criticism. Find and acknowledge it. A simple “I understand how that comes across,” or “I see your point,” shows you’ve listened and are engaged.

4. Take Ownership Where Appropriate

If there’s an area where responsibility can be taken, do so. Being accountable earns respect and shows a willingness to learn, change, and grow. A statement like, “I could have communicated that better,” or “I see where I created confusion,” demonstrates maturity.

5. Be Thankful for Feedback

Even if it stings, thank each person for their input. “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention,” or “Thanks for taking time to share that with me” end the conversation on a positive note, showing strength and the ability to handle constructive feedback.

Use Criticism as a Growth Tool

It’s tough to embrace criticism, especially when it feels personal. But by responding thoughtfully rather than impulsively, these moments can be turned into stepping stones for personal and professional growth. When we listen, reflect, and apply feedback, we build resilience and establish stronger relationships.

So, remember to take a beat, stay calm, and respond with purpose. Your future self (and your relationships) will thank you for it.

Next Steps

I’ve coached and mentored dozens, even hundreds, of clients, colleagues and friends on a variety of topics. This is one that pops up regularly in conversations, leading to positive change and unlocking of the potential that lies within each of us. If you have a question on business-related topics, why not book a short call ? There’s no cost, and the outcome could be priceless.