Don't judge a book by its cover!

I would like to share an experience that I went through today, and decided to turn it to a positive situation instead of just taking the negative part of it. I would like to thank you in advance for the time you would take to read that (most probably) long post, as it is a very critical topic that has impacted the different stages of my whole life (I have lost tons of opportunities in my life, just for the reason I’m going to discuss now). I was avoiding discussing such sensitive topic on LinkedIn, as I thought that the primary selections for a job would mainly be done based on my “tech” skills, not on how I “look”, and that I could overcome that “look” obstacle, if I get a chance for an interview, as I am a “normal” person at the end!

Today I went through a hard discussion related to my headscarf, I was very calm and kept defending myself with reasoning words and a smile, while after I left the place, I felt how bad I was “hurt” by that discussion, and I thought that I was not supposed to defend myself hardly like I had committed a crime for having a headscarf, as it is a personal choice at the end! So let me share with a part of the discussion that was held with an “international” entrepreneur in Estonia, who told me that if he received my C.V., he would never even think about hiring me, as he would be afraid to deal with me (I was not shocked from that part actually), the interesting point is that I look scarier for him than a man carrying a gun in his pocket even if that entrepreneur knows that this man has a gun, while I don?’t, my current look is terrifying him much more than a man with a gun! He actually kept repeating this many times during the discussion. I could easily understand his reasons for saying that, and I appreciate his transparency, while I have always believed that I could change these kinds of thoughts by just being myself instead of defending myself, that I just have to let my acts introduce me! This man has admitted at the beginning of the same conversation that he felt sorry about prejudging me from my look, because I am really very different from what he thought, while he still kept trying to convince me to take my “headscarf” off, because this would give me a better opportunity to be heard, otherwise most the people would still be afraid of even give me the first chance of talk!

After I left, I was sadly crying for a long time, I know that this is a part of the ugly truth, while I kept thinking about how I sincerely accept the fact that everyone on that planet can make his personal choice, I believe that I should not judge or avoid anyone for a personal choice he made, regardless my personal opinion about this thing. I could not even imagine that I could “think” about asking anyone for changing his personal decision, just because I don’t like his lifestyle or how he looks, simply, because it is totally his own life, own decision and of course his own way to live! So why I keep meeting people who are asking me for change and don’t see any harm of doing it openly! To cut it short, I am just trying to turn this situation to a positive one, I don’t think I have ever hurt someone that way or have been rude to anyone. I believe that I am a good cooperative colleague, who accepts differences, likes to help others and always tries to get involved in social activities. I strongly see myself as an easy-going employee, except for anything related to 1) work quality, as I always do the extra mile in investigations and go very deep in details, and sometimes keep double-checking the information and not take everything for granted 2) my career path, as I am so eager to learn and reach one of these very highly skilled technical jobs, this is my main concern. I have a clear target, me and my family, especially my husband, we did a lot of concessions on the personal life side to reach that goal, so I feel that it would be very upsetting and even it might be a kind of betrayal that after all these efforts, I don’t achieve the goal and just accept any job for living. I have been working hard to reach that goal for almost 4 years now, I took one year to look for a good learning opportunity, another year for taking courses plus doing self-studies before coming to Estonia, just to make myself qualified enough for the online simulation lab that was done during the qualifications process for this master’s program. I spent the past 2 years mostly in hard studies which qualified me to be a Dora student, and one of the top performers of my group, at the same time I was taking care individually of my kid in a foreign country, my 5 years boy was attending with me most of the classes during the last 2 years and even some exams, so even the boy was supporting this dream! I just kept telling myself in every hard situation that we faced, that all this hard work is done for a great target and that one day I would have my dream job and remember these hard days, and still I keep telling myself that I should be proud of my family and myself for what we are doing, even if I don’t reach that goal, I should be confident that at least every one of us did his best and that I really tried hard!

I am sorry for that long post, I have too many things to share about how my life has been since I decided to follow my dream, while for now, I have a very personal request for everyone who has gone through that post, if you have ever worked with me at any place (so if we have worked together, studied together, did a theater play together, had a one day workshop together, just crossed each other’s in a public event or even had a quick discussion anywhere), please share your experience with me here and tell others how you really see me! I have always heard positive feedback about my work style and even about my personality and I would appreciate that you could share this here, so any future employer who might think about excluding me just for how I “look”, might give me a chance to live as a “normal person”, who just has some technical skills and qualifications to get the job, I just ask you to help in letting some people who have never talked to me, just think about me as just a “human”, with dreams and hopes, who search for learning and giving back for the society. Let’s try to convince them not to see me as a “head covered woman” who might be scaring them!

Please if you are ready to give me a LinkedIn recommendation, just send me a private message, and I will send you back an invitation for a recommendation! I am also open to handwritten recommendation letters.

*I know that only a few people could read all of this, while at least I have shared some of my personal thoughts, please note that this post is not to open discussions about judging my headscarf because I still believe that it is a very “personal” decision. Again, thanks for your time!