I Quit... Please Stay. Now What?!

In this series, professionals share all the right — and wrong — ways to leave a job. Follow the stories here, and write your own (please include #IQuit somewhere in the body of your post).

Let's say you've been with a company for a while. A couple of years. Maybe more. There were good times. But lately, something just feels off. You're bored, disengaged, and you can't seem to motivate yourself to love the job and the company the way you used to. You start looking (very casually, mind you), for a new job. You start by reading up on the smartest ways to find better opportunities and grab some free tools (like this one), on streamlining the job search. You're very busy, so you look when you can.

Eventually, you hit a match. The new opportunity isn't perfect (no job or employer is), but the company's mission and the role excite you — and you're craving a change. A chance to develop a whole new set of skills. The ability to expand your network and collaborate with different people. You get the offer. The pay is good. More than you're making. The benefits are roughly the same. The work is interesting and cutting-edge. You decide to take the job. You've resolved that it's time to move on.

I Quit.

You head into work and schedule a sit-down meeting with your boss. You owe it to her to resign in person. You explain your desire to try something new and that this opportunity is too good to pass up. She takes the news well. She's quiet. And then, she says...

Please Stay.

She explains there are some new projects coming that you could be a part of. She asks what you are making in the new role and says she thinks she can get approval to beat it. She closes with, "If I had known you were unhappy, I would have tried to address this for you. It shouldn't have come to this. Why didn't you tell me how you felt?" She plays the guilt card.

Now What?!

You tell her you need to think about it. Suddenly, you're confused. Why did quitting result in you finally getting things you needed to potentially feel renewed at work? Should you have done a better job of expressing your dissatisfaction? You ponder the offer. Staying on would certainly be easier. You know the business and the players. You'd finally get the recognition you feel you deserve. And, you wouldn't have to start all over making new professional relationships or establishing your credibility among your peers. Plus, you'd be getting even more money and some new projects too.

The decision is tough.

Actually, It Isn't.

I've seen this situation more times than I can count. Here's what I know: you shouldn't stay. You need to go. Here's why...

1) Your company no longer trusts you. Even with two weeks' notice, they would have been negatively affected by your departure because all your experience and knowledge was walking out the door unexpectedly. They will never, EVER let themselves be exposed like that by you again. Think of it this way: you're a business-of-one they were buying services from exclusively. Suddenly, you folded up shop and were ready to leave them high and dry. Even if you stay on and get a new project, they won't treat you the same. They'll make sure if you decide to leave unexpectedly again, they won't have to offer for you to stay. You're no longer trustworthy. Which leads to...

2) Your company will resent you for making them beg. Once you agree to stay, they'll know you just burned a bridge with another employer. Your character is questionable. You showed your true colors. In their minds, money is your true motivator. Thus, they will expect to get every penny's worth (and then some!) of the rate increase you forced them to give you. They'll be watching your performance like a hawk. And, as mentioned above, they'll be shoring themselves up so they don't necessarily need you anymore. They might even start looking for someone who can do it cheaper than you.

3) Your renewed enthusiasm will quickly fade. Your unhappiness stemmed from a desire to explore something new. You craved to learn and grow in a different way. You were unable to see a way to make that happen with your current employer. Which means, once the excitement of the raise and the newness of the different work wears off, you'll be back where you started. Unfulfilled. And then, you'll remember why leaving and working for another firm who could offer you fresh opportunities and perspective was the best way to fix your unhappiness. You'll realize staying meant you took a bribe. You sold out for the easy route. That's when the Aha Moment will hit: the opportunity for growth starts where your comfort zone ends — and you let that slip by.

4) Eventually, you'll still leave... and that will be two bridges burned. As you become unhappy in the role, you'll either show your unhappiness and get let go for poor attitude or performance. Or, you'll find another new job and leave. Either way, the employer will think, "What a waste of time offering him incentives to stay." That will be the end of your employment relationship with them, both now and in the future.

NOTE: I'm sure your mind is coming up with some "what if" scenarios to challenge the above. We can second-guess this scenario all day long. Yes, things could have turned out differently — if each side had done things differently. But, they didn't. That's why, if you quit, and the employer asks you to stay...

Consider This Instead

When you resign and the employer asks you to stay, say this:

I am honored and grateful that you think enough of me to do that. However, I must go and try something new. I may hate it. In which case, I promise to contact you, admit I made a terrible mistake, and ask what I can do to earn a job here again. And, if I love it, I'd like to still stay in contact with you. Because hopefully, I'll learn some things that might make me an even better fit for future opportunities here. I'd like to come back someday and bring even more value to the company.

When you make the decision to quit, don't waver. Show good character by following through on your decisions and proving you aren't just about the money. If you approached it right and did your best to make it work with the current employer, then you should be able to say with confidence that moving on was truly the best option.

Validate your professionalism by displaying how you're responsible for your actions. BUT also be humble and find a way to stay connected to those that helped you get where you are.

You just never know when you might be able to work together again. Times have changed. It's a small working world. You really could work together again. Why? As we say at Work It Daily, "Because EVERY job is temporary."

P.S. - Have we met yet? First, thanks for reading my article! I have the privilege of being the CEO of Work It Daily. I hope you visit our site and see how we are the #1 secret weapon for thousands of job seekers!