I Quit Because

Over the past year, I’ve been writing down quotes from women with a high population of men at work. These are women who dominate their fields. They are promoted regularly, they win industry awards, they are consistently recognized by executive leadership at their companies.  These are construction leaders, engineering leaders, manufacturing leaders, military veterans, EHS leaders, and women who are earlier in their career in these same fields. They coach, they mentor, and they volunteer to assist those who follow in their footsteps. We can all learn from them.

As a third-party recruiter, I get real responses when I dig into why they left their former employers. “Just between you and me” is a common phrase that precedes many of these exchanges. They don’t tell their career stories often. They are wicked smart and know that these aren’t things you’d reveal in an interview with a prospective employer.

These women have put on masks for the interview that translate every horrible experience into something similar to these phrases, “I don’t think I really aligned with the organizational values so I’m focused on opportunities with companies who XXXXXXX” OR “I didn’t see a path to advancement so I’ve decided to seek career advancement outside the company.” 

Each of these women handled their unique experience differently. Many put their heads down, bit their tongues, played the part, earned multiple promotions and stayed for over a decade before they decided to leave. Most left and said nothing at all. Others poured it all out in their exit interview and hoped the company would change after they departed. Not one sued, not one reported formally while in their role and no one wanted to do so. They just left and took their brilliant minds elsewhere and then they told their peers all about it. 

Here are a few of the exchanges:

“I was so excited to get this job. I was going to be working for a woman for the first time. She had a great reputation in our industry. We were working on some of the most exciting chip technology on the market. In our first team meeting, she introduced me as ‘the new girl’ and told the rest of the R & D team to ‘take it easy’ on me. About a week later, one of my male coworkers bumped into me in the hallway and spilled water down the front of my white shirt. He grabbed napkins and literally shoved his hand down the front of my shirt and said, ‘I’m sorry, let me help clean it up.’ I froze. At the end of the exchange, he took a step back, looked me up and down and said, ‘I couldn’t wait to see you wet.’ the whole room laughed. I talked to my boss and told her about the encounter and sought her advice on how to address one on one so it didn’t happen again. Her response was, ‘That’s them taking it easy, get used to it or you’ll never be accepted on this team. I hired you because I thought you had thick skin.’”

“We were presenting to the board on our latest cost savings initiative. It had been a huge success. I was the project lead and this initiative was focused on reducing/repurposing some of the scrap waste in our molding process. It was my idea that ultimately implemented. The initiative led to multimillion-dollar cost savings over twelve months. I was in the room early and so were a few others. The CEO, whom I’d never met, asked if I would grab a pot of coffee out of the break room. I said, ‘I’m here to present’ he said, ‘well you also have these (making a gesture reference to my boobs) and no one else in the room does, so please go get the coffee.’ How nice of him to say please. I knew then I was in the wrong place….after two years”

“I’ve been with this company for most of my career, they’ve invested in me, in my learning and helping me move up.  I’m close with the owner and have been since I started here. Last year, there was a transition and the owner’s son became more involved. Since the leadership change took place, I’m now being asked not to go into the field unless accompanied by a male supervisor. I’ve been working in the field with crews for over ten years. I’ve earned the respect of my teams and we have great rapport. I’ve learned how to manage the ‘Nice Ass’ comments and the ‘Hey, did you leave your husband yet?’ questions just fine on my own. His intent is to ‘protect’ me. I don’t need that kind of protection. If they think I do, it’s not a reflection on my ability. It’s a reflection of the culture they believe they’ve fostered where a woman in the field needs to be protected from the team. Seriously, what am I still doing here?!”

Are your brilliant minds leaving your company? We focus a ton of effort to attracting more diverse talent into our workforce. If we fail to hear why they leave (or left), we will keep losing them. They will change jobs, change industries, and change careers. We will not have any progress if we don’t address the reasons why they leave. 

Getting the stories from the people who work for you today is no easy task. Many won’t speak up. Retaliation is real and they know it. Looking outside your organization at the broader conversations can give you key themes to watch for in your own workforce.

I invite you to join us on May 23rd for a career conversation. You will have an opportunity to hear firsthand the issues women face in careers where their professional peers are mostly men. You will learn not every woman responds the same way to the same set of circumstances. You will have the opportunity to ask questions of a panel and network with others in the room who care enough to both participate and stay engaged in difficult conversations.

Register here to participate – if you are unable to attend in person choose “send me the highlights’ option in registration and we will provide you with video of the discussion after removing any confidential dialogue.