“I will protect you!”

Losing oneself in the midst of the problems for your loved ones is one of the most sacrificial things someone could do. You know you’re gonna lose your life or lose your savings just to save someone you love is one of the best (or worst) means to see someone at their limits. You knew these guys had nothing to lose if he is still smiling to himself even if he got robbed by many thieves, relatives and loved ones, got reaped by many people metaphorically and literally and got stabbed (and backstabbed) by people around him. He knew he’s getting screwed by all facets of his life but he still smiles because he’s got nothing left to do, just lie a famous scene in the animated cartoon Tom and Jerry where Tom the Cat has resigned himself to his fate and goes into the middle of the ranch, lighted up a cigarette and blindfolded himself not too see himself getting trampled by a bull and feel its pain.

Even then, Tom the Cat is still alive. Perhaps life has let Tome the Cat live just to make him suffer again. I knew longer knew the true purpose of life. Do we live just to suffer? Even if we have no problems of some sort like health, finances, romantic relationships or even platonic relationships, why did we suffer in silence? This many bouts of micro – rejections, unappreciation, our inadequacies in improving ourselves makes it easy for a somebody living in a modern life to slip into loneliness because everyone but us are happy. We often hear of the terms like we are becoming overpopulated but we are more lonely than ever, or we have more fun and friends but we are lonelier than ever. We are a sad generation with happy faces. Facebook profiles of your friends might suggest that they are leading happier lives but I wonder if they were really happy at that moment. Deep in their hearts they might be crying and carrying a heavy burden. No, I would say that I’m happy. Even if many people would say safe things like “Don’t compare yourself to others because you are different and you have a journey of your own”, we still feel lonely and unhappy because comparison is an inherent human instinct. We compare ourselves to others as easy as breathing. Rejecting an urge to compare is denying our fundamental trait of humans to improve themselves, at least in theory. But I don’t look I fared well on comparing myself to others because I often come out worse. I was such a disappointment that I don’t know what to do with all the emotions welling up in me. It’s not that social comparison is what we do to enter ourselves into loneliness because that would be too simplistic and insensitive. These chronic loneliness is what get us.

But even if we are like a car with a missing wheel, the car can still move and remain functional. The same goes to us. We must strive ourselves to be available for our loved ones as needed though it might be difficult. I knew one guy who lost his work in the middle of the pandemic but he still supports his family using the savings he earned throughout his career. Her mother often pities him because he keeps on providing for his family despite his job loss that no wonder he sees himself laughing and smiling to himself even if he is losing his money. He wanted to be disappointed in himself, might as well feel it earlier than later. It reminds me of the episode of the famous anime in Japan called Bleach where the protagonist Ichigo Kurosaki unleashed his strongest technique to defeat the ever – evolving monster Sosuke Aizen at the cost of losing his Shinigami powers. Sacrificing all in order for someone to live is an honorable thing to do even if it destroys you. I hope this guy can get a work again before losing himself.

We might be barely capable on defending ourselves from the plights of our lives and onslaught of challenges like rains, drought, our powerlessness and blackouts but we must stand firm in ourselves and be ready to jump in to help our loved ones (or your crush) because sometimes, we just gonna go ahead and….just do it. We don’t know why or is it even worth it but imagine seeing your crush smile, or your friends smile, or your boyfriend smile, or your girlfriend smile, or your loved ones smile and melting their heart on what have you done. That would be magical. I wish I could still protect my family and loved ones even if I’m getting raped, stabbed, robbed, even killed, getting trolled by life, gone unnoticed, unappreciated, feeling lonely around them, me getting behind in them marching toward their success, being ignored, being taken for granted, getting scolded by everybody else including my crush, grown sick of me (because they can only take small doses of me), being left behind, being forgotten. You know why I listed them all? Because I wanted to be disappointed. Reality is often disappointing so might as well be disappointed sooner than later.

Oh wait. Why did I listed them all? They are very kind people I knew! They can’t do it to me!