I was pleasantly surprised this morning when my daughter-in-law sent me a text asking for advice.

Frustrated with her current job and exasperated by the pressures of the past year including restrictions imposed by Covid, my daughter-in-law informed me that she has been thinking about starting her own business and asked if I had any advice to share.

Doesn’t every mother or mother-in-law pray for the opportunity to share her experience and maybe save her child from some difficulty? Personally, I was overwhelmed, as well as thrilled by the trust she showed to choose me as one of her advisors. I raised three boys and they never want advice from mom, no matter what she has done for her living. Evidently, since I am a mother-in-law, I can move past mom to be accepted as a businesswoman as well.

This young woman certainly has the skills and personality to run her own business. I believe she picked up on a few cues I had dropped that I secretly hoped she would find the role of entrepreneur appealing. 

I just could not respond in a text, so I went full-out email with quiet hopes of an ongoing dialogue. I attempted to distill 40 years’ experience to find the threads and trails from my life’s work that could help her build her future. I will share my thoughts as well as her response to my counsel here, as it may be of value to anyone in a similar transition phase.  

Her initial questions dealt with the structure of a business. My responses just touched the surface of the three areas she posed:

Legal requirements. Regarding the organization itself, you can become an LLC, Limited liability corporation, without a lawyer. It is not complicated nor is it expensive. Do a bit of research online to find the site to download the paperwork.

 Website. If you don't know an inexpensive and experienced web designer, seek recommendations from others. I have worked with my web designer for ten years and simply could not maintain my site at the level it is at without him. See www.mtmcoach.com.

 Bookkeeping. Become familiar with QuickBooks: you can take a short online course and do most of the work yourself. You have the option to review you finances with my accountant or someone that works strictly in your field, on a quarterly basis to be certain you are on track.

The next set of questions were much more complicated as they were more personal and introspective: “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my career path going forward. What were the biggest challenges you faced when starting out on your own? Did you work for a larger consulting firm before branching out on your own? How did you make the transition into being your own boss and do you have any advice based on your experiences?”

 I explained that I started with small projects while holding a fulltime job in a field tangential to the area that held interest for me, then offered four points for contemplation:

 1.     Trust in yourself. My biggest and possibly most valuable piece of advice is to be open and let yourself experiment with every new door you bump into. Do not stay focused on only one path, often the paths before you may seem uncomfortable or unknown. I am constantly amazed at how many times I took a risk to follow an unknown trail and, in the end, found myself fully prepared to address my original goal with a great deal more knowledge and composure. You will make mistakes, that's how you learn. Trust you will work your way out of any mistake to find the right path eventually. If you don't trust you, no one will.

 2.     Stay connected. Consider everyone you talk to a resource. Maintain current contact data in Outlook or whatever system you prefer. Once you meet someone you can learn from, or with, get back to them within a few weeks to build an open, honest relationship. An occasional email to share a new bit of wisdom will be valuable for you both. Attend every function within reason, even if it seems to be of only limited value. Form new and inspiring connections in a variety of tangential fields, no matter how foreign they may seem to your work now.

 3.     Be a bitch. The critical role of lead dog on a sled dog team is often held by a female, called a “bitch”, who is also the mother to litters of future leaders. You are a leader: stand up for yourself if something is wrong or you are being ignored by speaking forcefully without being nasty or assigning blame. Show your executive presence by living somewhere between being humble and proud, find your balance and let the needle move off center as the situation demands. No need to go to the extreme in either direction, stay centered and trust in yourself.

4.     Develop your inner circle. Form a support network by building strong working relationships. Every leader has a key management team composed of colleagues with different a specialized skill. While your key team is not a formal group of business partners, each individual should have something that benefits you, and the relationship should benefit them. Your team does not have to work for you to be there for you. Let those people that you trust know you trust and value them. Show your caring character: laud their strengths and be patient with their weaknesses so they can be patient with yours. Be there to ask if you can help and anticipate ways you can support others --what goes around comes around.

Finally, I suggested she read the article about work/life integration on my website, YOUR AMERICAN DREAM , and closed the email.

 A short time later I received a response from her. She has given me permission to include her words here:

 “Thank you so much, the YOUR AMERICAN DREAM article is excellent. I really appreciate all the advice, particularly being your own advocate and being a bitch when needed. In my previous job I was often managing crews where I was the only woman at the site. I found that men did not take kindly to being told how to do their work better by a female, especially when they had to look down at least a half foot to meet my eyes.  Now I realize that I am thankful for the experience, even after hearing one man say to another: “Is it me or is she a real bitch when she's in charge?" I didn't take the statement as an insult then or now.  I realize it is important to be assertive, confident, and strong when working, particularly with men who did not learn how to treat female professionals equally and respectfully. I now seek to be more inspirational and less directive in my responses to create an environment of respect.

 These are the lessons I will remember as I move forward. Perhaps more importantly, these are life lessons. I've learned that in our marriage it is more effective to seek understanding than being right. We should be working together towards common goals where neither of us needs to hold ground or always be right. Harmony, empathy, and love is much more important than control. Life is a journey of constant learning!”

 Yes, she is talented and wise like so many of her peers. I admit that reading her words caused a tear of pride to come to my eye. Considering the exchange, I realized that all advice comes with a caveat: what is right today could be wrong tomorrow. This truth has been made especially evident with the sweeping life changes experienced during 2020. All said and done, I shared, and I too learned – isn’t that what it’s all about?