If I Only Had the Nerve

“I’M AFRAID THERE’S NO DENYIN’

I’M JUST A DANDY-LION

A FATE I DON’T DESERVE

I’M SURE I COULD SHOW MY PROWESS

BE A LION, NOT A MOUSE

IF I ONLY HAD THE NERVE.”

By Cowardly Lion

In reading, Keep Your Fork – Dessert Is On The Way: Savoring the Second Half of Life, you will find stories about virtues that can be enhanced as we get older. Creativity, resilience, passion, and embracing change are just a few of the desirable traits that have the potential to be increased as we gather more life experiences.

I began writing this book after retiring and without any prior formal writing experience. I had never thought of myself as courageous so recently I was curious to learn more about what role courage plays in creating a satisfying second half of life. Do we get more courageous because we have had many life experiences to give us confidence or do we get less courageous because our bodies may not be as reliable or because there seems to be so much changing in our world today? In exploring this, I found that the experience varies dramatically among each of us.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, and to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. – Alan Cohen

I want to know what I was born for and I want the courage to do it. – Joan of Arc

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow’. Mary Anne Radmache

Marian Downs, MA was a professor at the University of Colorado Health Science Center. She died several years ago after celebrating her 100th birthday and writing a book, Shut Up and Live…(you know how). In her book, she writes that when she was 72, she realized that it was the age her parents had died. She felt she no longer had a life road map – no guidelines on how to live longer than that. She asked her doctor for advice. He said, “That my dear is something you are going to have to work out for yourself.” That answer might have left her frustrated, but instead she designed a life that she describes in her book: “includes good sex, lots of exercise, close friends, capable doctors and intelligent eating” and writing a book.

This is the time of our life not to go to sleep but to become alive – perhaps in a different way – using our skills gained in our lives. Courage is like a habit, a virtue. You get it by doing courageous acts.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Rutherford who wrote, “When we are afraid we ought not to occupy ourselves with the endeavor to prove that there is no danger but in strengthening ourselves to go on in spite of the danger.”

Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. a Clinical Psychologist in Mill Valley, California has designed this courage-building exercise: For this exercise, you will need a notebook and pen, as well as a quiet, uninterrupted space in which you can reflect.

Beginning with the definition of courage, “Feeling Afraid Yet Choosing to Act,” answer the following questions:

• Think of a situation as an adult when you felt afraid, yet chose to face your fear?
• What did you observe, think, and feel at the time? (e.g., “I saw the roller coaster and felt butterflies in my stomach”).
• What did you or the people around you say, think, and do to help you face your fear? (e.g., “I told myself that if little kids could go on it, so could I”).
• At what point did your fear start to go down? How did you feel afterwards?
• Now think back on a situation in childhood in which you faced your fear. How was it the same or different than the first situation?
• Finally, think of a situation you are currently facing that creates fear or anxiety. What are you most afraid of? (e.g. being fired if I ask my boss for a raise).
• Now, is there a way to apply the same skills you used in the two earlier situations to be more courageous in this situation? Remind yourself that you have these skills and have used them successfully in the past. What mental or environmental barriers stand in the way of using these skills? How can you cope with or get rid of these barriers?

Repeat this exercise over the course of a week, using each definition of courage above. On Day 7, come up with your own definition of courage that is most meaningful to you and repeat the whole exercise using this definition.

This can be a most exciting time in our life as we have enhanced creative abilities, become more resilient, have a greater ability to act on our passions and to embrace change.

I thank Maya Angelou, PhD for answering my question about the role that courage plays in the manifestation of those virtues.

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage. M. Angelou, PhD

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Barb Warner will touch your heart, soul and your funny bone. As she approached retirement, she realized that there weren't any guideposts to design the next chapters of her life. She had read many self-help books, but there were none that helped her understand the breadth and depth of the possibilities available in the second half of life. So she decided to write one: Keep Your Fork - Dessert Is On The Way: Savoring the Second Half of Life was created.

She now enjoys giving Inspirational, interactive talks to groups, facilitating workshops and wisdom circles. https://BarbWarner.com