I MISS YOU, AMMI!

I MISS YOU, AMMI!

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Exactly two years ago on March 31, my sweetest, my darlingest, my mother – my Ammi – passed away within a matter of 24 hours after she complained of breathlessness (her test reports arrived subsequently, confirming that she had COVID but was not able to survive its onslaught due to her very old age).??She was in Lahore at that time and had enjoyed attending the engagement ceremony of one of her grandsons (my sister’s son) a few weeks earlier.??Just a few days back, I had called her requesting her to return to Karachi at the earliest and, in my persuasion, even got into an argument with her as she was not in a mood to return soon from her favorite city Lahore where she had a large circle of friends & family to keep her busy.??To make the matters worse, I was down with COVID and got hospitalized as well; so, unfortunately the doctors did not allow me to travel to Lahore.?Can you imagine, I was not able to attend my most beloved and most loving mother’s funeral??!!?I will forever live with this guilt!?What a feeling of deprivation for a son not being able to be present at the time of burial of his mother in Lahore!!

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I don’t know why but I increasingly miss my Ammi -- even more than the day when she had left for her heavenly abode.??That feeling is for both my parents and accentuates on their anniversaries.??Ammi was a very socially active lady and kept herself occupied almost till she breathed her last.?She had a natural flair for leadership and an ardent desire to contribute to the well-being of the society. ?Whether it was the Blinds’ Welfare Society/Association, Government Officers’ Ladies Club, ?Lahore Ladies’ Club or the International Women’s Club of Lahore, she was involved in all these organizations, participating or spearheading healthcare and education projects.??As an office-bearer (Secretary, if I recall correctly) of the Government Officers’ Ladies Club, her favorite project was the co-ed school for domestic and other lower-cadre staff’s children.?It started as a primary-level school; moved to the middle-level; and was then upgraded as a high school.?Some of the students were able to pursue college studies later and found decent jobs in diverse areas, lifting their families from poverty. ?The school suffered a severe blow when it got nationalized in the early seventies.?A couple of Club members wanted ceiling fans and some other equipment to be dismantled before the school could be handed over to the government so they could be used for some other purpose relating to the Club.?However, Ammi stood like a rock and did not let this happen as she apprehended that the government would not provide replacement of those fans and the school children would have to suffer in the heat.??

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As narrated by herself and one of my maternal uncles, my mother as a young school and college student, was an all-rounder.?Her forte was writing and debating in Urdu language.?In fact, during (or shortly after) her college studies, she along with a writer/publisher, launched a magazine by the name of “Arzoo” in Sialkot, her native town.??It produced short stories, essays, articles, etc. -- fiction and non-fiction.??The core objective of that publication was to promote Urdu in the pre-independence as well as post-independence days.??Alas, the publisher died in an accident and the magazine had to be discontinued.??

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As a student, she took an active part in the Pakistan Movement.?On the eve of independence, she, along with my ?grandmother, spent the whole night stitching the flag of Pakistan which was hoisted on the roof of the ancestral house in Sialkot.??Six years ago, she presented that flag to me (I have posted a picture of it).?When the influx of refugees entered Sialkot, she along with her friends and relatives often went to the refugee camps to take care of the food, health, and clothing needs of the new refugees until they could be settled.?

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I can’t thank God enough for having gifted me with a great mother, who along with my late father, imbibed me with the best of values .?My father used to narrate that when he got married to my mother, she as a young bride, on the wedding night told him that she would not tolerate it if he (who had recently joined the civil services) ever took bribes or resorted to corruption!?Not that my father had any propensity for such acts, but he always kept this “warning” in mind, lest he would slip along the way!?As it happened, I never saw or heard Ammi making any unreasonable demands of my father or trying to live beyond means.??In our house in G.O.R (Government Officers’ Residences), I remember we had modest furniture dating back two decades and soiled/tattered carpets (patches of which were hidden/covered by placing small tables on them) even when my father reached the pinnacle of his career.??The dining room table and chairs completed their life in 1991 but the chairs were re-upholstered and are still in use at her house in Lahore.??

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I remember with fondness when I was paid my first internship stipend amounting to PKR 500 by Citibank, Lahore.?I handed over the Citibank envelope containing the cash to Ammi.?Her face lit up and she hugged and kissed me asking me to keep the entire money but I insisted that she keep all of it.??Copying what Quaid-e-Azam had said when he was offered a handsome salary – not sure how much it was – as a magistrate in Mumbai (then, Bombay) which he declined, I uttered, “Ammi, one day, I will earn this much on daily basis”! ??Of course, by God’s Grace, years later I earned several multiples of PKR 500 per day!?JJ

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When I had to leave HBL for speaking my mind as the Chief Compliance Officer, I had to break the bitter news to my family including Ammi (I did not disclose it to my father due to his failing health but I believe he could sense it as I had started spending most of the time at home; so, I told him that I had been made an OSD – Officer on Special Duty – a term that government officers fully understand). ??As expected, Ammi was visibly perturbed but, as always, put up a brave & confident face and remained a source of strength for me.??However, sometimes I could overhear her from behind the door of her bedroom, crying on telephone while talking to her close friends and relatives narrating my predicament.??She started spending even more time – hours on end - on the prayer mat supplicating for divine mercy and intervention for me and the rest of the family.??Anyway, more than six years have elapsed since the day I had to end my corporate career prematurely and no divine act of relief or restoration has happened so far.?Perhaps, God has some other, better plans for me but He takes His time!?I should be grateful that I am still surviving with whatever I have.?It could have been worse!!??

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Well, should this article have been posted on LinkedIn which is a network for professionals or was it more suitable for Facebook??I am not particularly a fan of FB which is mostly full of social posts including pictures and comments saying stuff like, “Feeling blessed in Business/First Class Lounge en’ route Las Vegas (or Hawaii), “Feeling Blessed, eating imported octopus steak at PC Hotel”, “Feeling Blessed, sun-tanning at the beach near Sea View, Clifton”!?JJ I am allergic to such vainglorious posts on FB.??The purpose of this article was not only to commemorate my mother but to convey that professionals largely owe their successes to their parents. ?It is the way they are raised and groomed by their parents, especially mothers, that forms the basis of their behavior at the workplace.?The ethical values that are instilled at home stand in good stead as people move forward in their careers.?Also, when the going gets tough, it is your close family, especially your mother, if she is fortunately alive, who could be the biggest source of strength and fortitude.?Even when mothers are housewives, they can still exert enormous influence on the household and the society at large, like my mother did!??The same goes for wives who do not pursue the traditional corporate careers.??They all can be a formidable force against corruption, illiteracy, poverty, lack of healthcare and other ills.??My salute to all such ladies in Pakistan and elsewhere!?

?May God bless Ammi’s soul and may she rest in eternal peace -- Ameen

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