I Made a Sticker Chart for Myself and Other Humiliations on the Road to Greatness

Last night, I made the kids their own sticker charts. When they do great things like practice their Chinese or be kind to each other, they get a sticker. Eventually they can trade in their stickers for Legos. How cute, I thought, as I was laminating their charts. Yes, I have a laminator at home.

“Wow, I could use one of these,” I said to myself. But then, a critical voice kicked in.

Shadow: Why would you need that? Be practical. You’re an adult now. Do you need a sticker system? Are you, in fact, a toddler?

Self: Well, what if I do? What if this could actually help me? I have all these goals I want to accomplish, and I’m not doing that well on any of them. So why not?

Shadow: Besides, what would I even trade in my stickers for?

Self: I’m not sure yet. Anything I want. Maybe we’ll get a new pair of sneakers.

Shadow: Fine (sniffles). I like sneakers.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, my skin just a bit saggier, my hair thinner, my brain - perhaps a little less obsessively wired. But I can’t power through things the way I used to. I cannot just have a thought pop into my head, and then execute seamlessly. I need systems. I need help. So yes, I made myself a sticker chart, too. When I set it up in Canva, I sat through all the negative self talk and did it anyway. I swallowed all the complicated feelings and said to myself, “I’m not above this.”

Here’s how I set it up: It’s a simple table with 14 columns - each representing a day. Should I start with 30 days? Too scary. 7 days? Not enough. 14 felt good to me. Next I started free form writing down categories, which ended up being:

• Go to the gym
• Writing
• Meal prep
• Track Weight Watchers
• Read, relax, self-care
• Bed by 10 pm

Why these categories, I wonder. These are basically things that I find hard to accomplish, and am always fighting myself to do. I always have so many excuses not to do these things, and yet I find these are the foundational pillars that I need to keep my life on track. There are some things that are pretty high stakes: If I miss a good night’s sleep, for example, I’m a terror. My eyeballs hurt, I have a headache. Like that monster girl with the dripping sewage hair in The Ring. Then there are things that aren’t immediately noticeable, but over time they accumulate and also make me grump (read: missing that gym workout).

I realize that all of these things are protecting myself, from myself. For example:

• Go to the gym: this goal protects against an essentially lazy Mandy who thinks she is being more productive by doing work instead of exercising. This is in fact, never true. I have never in my life worked out and then in hindsight wished that I didn’t work out. I always feel better afterwards.
• Writing: this goal protects against an isolated Mandy who feels and experiences things but doesn’t want to share them for fear of being vulnerable and rejected. When the ride gets rough and I feel like I’m holding on for life, it feels easier to put my head down and hide.
• Read, relax, self-care: this is a defense against stubborn Mandy who thinks she doesn’t need any rest or time to herself to recharge, which is a lie. I need to read trashy romance novels, take a bath with fuzzy bath bombs, and I need to text my friends back. These things heal me.

Curiously, I noticed that I didn’t list any of the things that I usually obsess about, like growing my business or making more money. Why? I think because I’m naturally wired to think about these things, I love these kinds of challenges. I realized that all of the items above were things that usually get in my own way. If I’m not focused on my business it’s because I feel disconnected, exhausted, or are eating crap and just laying down clutching my stomach in a bloat.

This is about progress. This is about creating momentum for yourself. Architecting the ideal conditions where you can be most productive and happy. I don’t care that I have to trick myself into doing it, or use the same sticker motivation system as a child, lol. Whatever gets the job done. I am not above Weight Watchers, even though I look down on it and think its stupid and yet it is the only thing that’s ever really worked for me to lose weight. This is about being vulnerable and admitting that you don’t have all the answers, but that you are trying anyway.

What would be on your list? What would be the things that you need to move out of the way, to make room for your best self?