I love workplace conflict…not

Last week’s post ‘It’s You Versus You…What’s Your Inner Game?’ created a profound response from award-winning recruiter Chris Sale, “Horribly difficult: getting the balance between that inner strength and "your fighter side" versus not beating yourself up, giving yourself a break and not pushing yourself so hard which "can lead to fatigue and even burnout"”.

My observation over the last two decades is that managing upwards and cross-functionally is one of the single largest creator of conflict for professionals. A deeper and surprising insight is that many senior leaders don’t like conflict, or the tension created in a difficult negotiation. You would think they would be the most skilled at this, given their level and access to resources, skillset upgrade and advisors. Yet many duck the issue until something has to be done.

At its worse, this approach can turn into a toxic culture. I have observed toxic environments created by leaders, and the effects on people lives and careers first-hand. The need by leaders to control and to be in control is at the root of the problem. From experience, I believe that remote working has heightened this current need. Lack of physical contact has only added to the ‘command and control’ approach - crazy back-to-back Zoom calls and daily forecast updates.

People do not do their best work in ‘fight or flight’ mode.

I decided to explore the area of conflict management further. As they say, when you are committed and know what you are looking for, the resources show up. I asked librarian at my business school to identify top three books on conflict management. Having sped-read them, I drew three conclusions, with many remaining questions…

1) In a hierarchical structure like a company, conflict is inevitable.

2) There are significant costs to productivity and efficiency with excess conflict.

3) There two types of conflict - ?constructive and unconstructive, often referred to as toxic.

Why do many shy away from candid workplace conversations?

Is it how we are naturally wired?

Is it a function of the environments we operate in?

Is it gender related?

I was fascinated by a recent EY report:

“Looking at remuneration, 42% of men claimed to have negotiated on compensation, compared to 32% of women, and 69% of men received all or nearly all of what they asked for, compared to 51% of women.”

My perspective is that many leaders do not know how to create genuine, trusted relationships across their eco system and stakeholder group. Trust is often seen as a soft skill or a ‘nice to have’.

Yet there are sound commercial reasons where trust makes good business sense. In his book The Speed of Trust, Stephen Covey makes the business case for trust and how developing it leads to efficiency and effectiveness of decision-making in an organisation.

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni, commences with the observation that underachieving teams often display a lack of trust within their group. However, effective teams “…engage in unfiltered conflict…and…commit to decisions and plans of action…hold one another accountable for delivering against those plans.”

I have been very fortunate to interview and be in the same room as leaders who seem to effortlessly build connection with their teams. Building a safe and trusted environment is top of their list of behaviours and actions, seeking ?to make genuine connection and raise others at every opportunity.

If the business case is strong for trust, then how do we build it or get better at this skillset?

The author and lecturer Brené Brown’s passion in life is to create healthy, interactive relationships between people.

In her book, Braving the Wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone, she studies and researches this subject with significant breadth and depth.

She believes there are seven aspects to the anatomy of trust:

·???????Boundaries – you respect others.

·???????Reliability – you do what you say you will do.

·???????Accountability – you own your mistakes.

·???????Vault – don’t share what is not yours to share.

·???????Integrity - choosing courage over comfort.

·???????Non-judgment - being vulnerable without judgement of others.

·???????Generosity – opportunity to interpret the words, intentions, and actions of others generously rather than critically.

My challenge to you this week is:

This is an analogy that can be broken down, learnt and applied in the workplace; how can you apply one of these seven components to raise healthy and constructive conflict, to enable your workplace to become more successful?

I don’t love workplace conflict, yet I do enjoy challenging the status quo of a how a team communicates and operates. By facilitating a candid conversation where more trust is built, we can get on with the vital task of doing business, rather than being distracted by the sideshow of destructive conflict and politics.?

Our purpose at Enterprise Sales Club is to enable SaaS Sales Professionals to achieve their potential through the power of life-enhancing connections, shared experiences, and collaborative learnings.

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