New York

I spent thirteen years in NYC, and I am only 40 years old so I can say I spent my 20's in NY. I never write about it although my heart pines for the city and I miss the food, the people, the schools, the theater, the parks, the resaturants. Even my poverty. I miss the poverty of New York City.

I did not mind being poor there. I felt constantly charged by the ever moving current. I felt that all the museums, fashion, and culinary arts were constant reinvigorating me and giving me new hope. Everything about the city was like a dark dream; romantic, rainy, swirling, and hopeful. The drama of the city is enough to leave you exhausted, like making love.

I had such fabulous collaborators while I was there, like Jamin Rhuren and Alexander A. Pope, from Parsons Mears. I was able to resident at a theater affiliate with the Smithsonian. I taught at NYU, and I made a short film purchased by the MoMA. I ate everywhere, tried everything, and got away with a Masters degree in Art. Nowhere is as collaborative, open minded, and creative as NYC.

The employment temperature is fierce. Writing about this on LinkedIn makes sense to me. The competition is tremendous. I had the support of so many people, institutions, organizations, or I would not have made it. Fractured Atlas was one of the organizations, by Malcolm and Arwin and Alexandra, as well as Adam, that kept me afloat. Hope is an important buoy, probably the most important one, because NYC can be a cold, downtrodden place, with plenty of homeless people, starving people, sad artists, and solo acts.

Working with companies like Basil Twist and Tandem Otter Productions, Great Small Works, Drama of Works, The Czech American Marionette Theater, Frederico Restrepo, and seeing shows at HERE theater and 3 Legged Dog Theater, as well as DUMBO's theaters, left me with so much to see that I could curate.

I never gave up when I was there, although I came close several times. Being in your twenties in NYC almost doesn't make sense to me in retrospect. Rent is so expensive, work is so difficult, dating is so obsolete, everything is wrapped in competitive standard. Love seems to be an after thought unless it is relative to work. I am a conscientous human being, that is part of my personality type, so for me, it was a thriving work environment and I so loved my home studio, the Puppet Lair.

I had a lot of dreams, work wise, and I wanted to achieve them all. I had no limits on my aspirations to change the world, and I don't know if that was my twenties, NYC, or both. I did not see a hope for marriage at all, or a future with a partner, so I was married to work. I never stopped working, and I got deeply ill, a couple of times. But, I was prolific, artistic, creative, shining, and invited everywhere.

The world called to me from that city, and I traveled everywhere- I was such a regular at JFK airport. For some reason, backpacking in NYC seems so reasonable. Hostels seem reasonable. Even going without food for a short while for your dreams seems reasonable. Thats the problem with NYC- what isn't reasonable there? Pretty much anything is game. And while I miss that creative spirit, a great rule is that you can't break the rules till you understand what they are.

I tried everything for the first time there, eating octopus, making new friends, living alone, living with others, school, and puppetry. I just fell in love with puppet shows. I thought anything was possible. Including making a living as a puppeteer. And that can be done, just nowhere else like it can in NYC.

And that is NYC for you in a nutshell. Nothing can take place anywhere like it can in NY. Swimming, the beach, and other things that happen elsewhere, seem to be a fine week long vacation away, but New Yorkers are New Yorkers at heart. And home is where the heart is, so when I had to leave I could only look up by making the move to LA, the land of dreams. Gotham City was so much my spiritual truth for so long, I could never imagine moving away. I was prepared for anything but to leave.

Naturally, leaving felt like being made homeless. I had a great place to stay in Texas, another in Florida, and an apartment waiting in California, but I still felt totally uprooted or rootless.

Leaving home is never easy. But I remember when Texas was home and leaving that was hurling mad. I remember my entrance to the city, it was tear filled and I wanted to turn tail, and 180 back to my parent's house. I did not want to be there the minute I set foot on ground. I just mustered my courage and it lasted me thirteen years. I had brilliant work experience to show for it. Television production credits on IMDB from Sesame Street to Reading Rainbow to Blue's Clues, it was a children's television dream, and my mentor at NYU, Lynne McVeigh is still an inspiration.

So, what happened? Why not live there still? Because NY is stifling. It is dark, cold, windy, snowy, hungry, brutal, and tactless. It is hurtful, extreme, blunt, and merciless. It is like a woman scorned or a lover done wrong or an abusive relationship. It is endless, time consuming, all encompassing, and everything comes after work. If you can handle that work style or work ethic you can thrive and create a powerful reputation, but if you cannot then someone else will. There is too much in NYC for everyone to get on top of each other. On the subway, there is an unspoken rule about staying within your own personal space. In LA there is no such rule and as a New Yorker I was shocked at that. I was shocked at the long intervals between work, the dark times in theaters, the long work commutes, the endless lunch meetings that seemed to be the only time there was to meet. Wow, with food in your mouth, I used to think to myself, but okay, I told myself.

New York is not like LA. It is calmer. I know that is unbelievable.

I can't say how much I miss it.

Yvette Edery