I lost my 29-year-old brother Aaron in a car accident. Here’s how I’ve been remembering him.

Hey Internet Friends,

Sorry it’s been a while. Been a little preoccupied lately, but for good reason. A reason that I hope will make you pause when you read it. A reason that I know will nudge you to re-evaluate the relationship you have with your family. A reason that may just turn your Christmas holiday time by the fire into a deeper focus to truly know and love those sitting around the fire.

So to the type A personalities rolling their eyes b/c this article isn’t about marketing, please forgive me and scroll on. But to the readers that have an open heart to listen, I wanted to take this opportunity to share how I’ve been processing the loss of my older brother, mentor and friend.

On October 22nd, my brother Aaron was in a car crash? that would go on to leave him brain-dead minutes after the incident. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time, but he was there. And as a result, our family will be forever changed .

A couple of weeks after his passing, I shared a short write-up on LinkedIn about his impact. Almost 3,000 of you shared a like, comment or reached out to me with a message of support. And in light of that, I wanted to share more of his story and the impact he’s had since passing.

As we all gathered in the hospital upon hearing the news we were notified he was a registered organ donor. And although he was pronounced brain dead by the ICU doctor, they’d be able to preserve his organs if we were willing to proceed with a transplant process? to help other families in need. And as sad as it is to say, he was a perfect candidate for organ donation as he was young, athletic and his body was in near-perfect condition.

As a family, we agreed to proceed. My parents, 3 siblings, 2 sisters-in-law and my wife were heartbroken beyond belief. But we were certain Aaron wouldn’t want it any other way.

You see, Aaron was a giver. He lived life to the fullest and loved everyone around him. Through words, actions, gifts and adventures, he loved to pass things onto others.

And sure enough, as families and friends covered us in prayer, Aaron’s last minutes on earth were spent working with a special surgical team to retrieve and pass on 5 of his healthy organs to 5 strangers in Canada.

It was quite the process, and quite the final gift. And as Aaron’s brother, it’s inspired me in ways I can’t describe. I’ve shared some of the ways it’s moved me in dinners with close friends or times of reflection with family. But following Aaron’s lead, I felt nudged to share some of the ways with you today.

So here are a few things I’ve learned from my brother and will be practicing in my life to honor him in the years ahead:

1. Carve out time to intentionally love others:

Being intentional is hard work. Anybody that disagrees isn’t doing it properly. Writing cards, speaking words of encouragement and following up with a friend’s deep pain takes energy and commitment. But it’s a beautiful thing when we do. If you have an idea to love somebody in your community, make it happen. If it’s a trip, book off the time. If it’s a restaurant, reach out to the head chef. If it’s a babysitting night for your cousin, send the text. If it’s not on the calendar it doesn’t happen. My brother Aaron was amazing at intentional love and it’s something I want to grow in.

2. When it’s a yes, make sure it’s a hell yes:

My brother Aaron was a man of his word. He’d often roll his eyes when I asked him the same question twice. Because he was so diligent about telling me “Joel, my yes is yes and my no is no”. This has taught me to reevaluate my priorities. My work projects. My personal time. When I get asked about things that don’t fit those buckets, don’t ghost people. Be up front and thank them for the offer. But tell them you don’t have the time to be all in on this. So, it’s a no for now.

3. Build adventure into everything:

You’ve heard corny quotes that say something like “the journey matters more than the destination”. I half believe that. Yes, the journey’s important, but you’ll only love it if your heart is aligned with the destination as well. My brother Aaron loved chasing his goals so passionately, which I love. But he always made time for weekly adventures to shake up his routine. An overnight hike here, a new snowshoe trek there, sponsor someone’s meal here and a fun weekend getaway there. He soaked up a jam-packed journey, but only because he loved his destination. Which for him, was loving his work as a physiotherapist / real estate developer, soaking up his time with quality people and cherishing life’s beauty in nature. Something I want to come back to is questioning if I’m loving my journey and destination, which currently I am and feeling blessed to know is true.

4. Roll your eyes, but don’t complain:

Don’t take life so seriously. Laugh off the losses. If something bothers you, don’t stir on complaining. Use your time for something better, rather than complaining about what can’t be changed. Dive into challenges and always be willing to learn and take notes amid defeat. Journal the losses and challenges so when you’ve found your rhythm you can look back with a proud smile.

5. Invest in your loved ones:

Good relationships make a good life. But I think 99% are on cruise control thinking we’re all with each other until we’re 90 years old. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not the truth. Not for Aaron, and not for many others that have sadly left this earth too early. And although we can’t do anything about them, we can do a hell of a lot with the people in our lives currently. The colleagues we see in the office at lunch. The spouse we’ll see at home tonight. The siblings you’ll get to hug at Christmas this year. Are you content with how you’re loving them today? Have you left any debts unsettled? Have you planned an experience of a lifetime you could take to their hospital bed if you received my same news?

It’s heavy to think about, but I hope it can inspire you to seriously pause. Pull out the phone. And make something happen.

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The gap Aaron has left is big, there’s no doubt about it. But I’ve witnessed God’s fingerprints of peace all over the days since his passing.

I have faith in the Lord that it’s going to be okay for my family and me (and the thousands of other families that receive news like this every single year). I find peace in the tears of Aaron’s passing because I know we both loved each other deeply, adventured fiercely, and smiled fondly of each other’s lives. And if that mutual love wasn’t there, the tears would be different.

Aaron was an untouchable 29-year-old in perfect health loving every minute of life. And in one phone call, our family was told he had no chance of recovering consciousness. No more conversations to be had.

So pick up the phone. Book that special dinner. Settle those small differences. Rejoice in each other’s victories.

Our family are special people in our life that have been put there for a reason. So let’s love them like we never know when their last day will be ??

J

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*If you’d like to learn more about being an organ donor, ?click here? . If you feel called to give to a memorial fund for my brother, ?click here? .