I lost. I learned. I won.

“There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even when you lose, you win.”

                                                              -Elie Wiesel

Several days ago, I was reminded of who it is I am.

Fundamentally. At the core.

And I am damn grateful for it.  

A mid-afternoon meeting with a potential client---a very big fish, and one which seemed to show great promise---ended in serious disappointment.

He liked me very much, didn’t so much as blink at my rates, and was intent on moving forward.

Also, critically, I was able to assist him with his challenge.

The problem was, he wanted his problem solved.

As opposed to wanting to solve his problem.

The longer we spoke, the clearer it became to me that he had almost zero accountability.

He wanted to hire me to help him, yet he couldn't see his actions, behaviors or thought processes as part of the problem.

It was all the world’s fault.

He was not so bold as to outwardly declare these things, but with each question I asked---or rather, with each corresponding response---the truth became increasingly clear.

In the end, recalling the sacrosanct advice of one of my mentors Ajit Nawalkha, I gently declined, noting that we probably wouldn’t be a great fit.

He seemed a bit stunned, and I felt badly.

I left the meeting deeply disappointed and, in full transparency, mumbled a few curses under my breath. Ajit and his stupid rules.

Sorry Ajit, man. Didn’t really mean it. ??

Self-employment is incredibly rewarding. But it is also hard.

I wanted that client. I NEEDED that client.

But my mildly-profane mutterings notwithstanding, it was absolutely the right call.

Coaching a client who isn’t ready, just for the money, is a recipe for disaster.

As I left the company grounds, I exchanged nods with a cop who was posted on the corner, and stepped into a tuk-tuk.  

It was, at that hour, far easier to grab than a cab.

My driver, a young man in his very early twenties, greeted me warmly as I slid into his vehicle.

Taking note of my dashing personage and appearance (I jest…kind of ??), he inquired what I did for a living.

When I told him I was a coach, and that, essentially, I help people overcome obstacles and reach their goals, he paused, tilted his head, and smiled ingratiatingly.

He then inquired if he might be allowed to ask one question. Just one.

He hoped for just one tip on how to be “successful.”

My disappointment notwithstanding, and unable to turn down such an earnest request, I gathered my thoughts for a moment, then began to speak.

I began with, you guessed it…

Personal Accountability.

Wanna be successful in Life, kid?

It starts with being personally accountable.

Step numero one.

No way around it.

Zip. Zilch. Nada.

After around two minutes, I was still talking.

After five, I was off to the races.

Without skipping a beat, the young man had whipped out a notebook from his backpack, and began to take notes.

In a ZONE, I continued, semi-oblivious, and unfazed.

 Anyone who knows me, or has heard me wax philosophic, has urged me, and occasionally begged me, to do a podcast.

Sometimes, I suppose, I get on a roll. ???? ♂?

 In retrospect, I realize I wasn’t just talking to my tuk-tuk driver, but to the prospective client I had left just moments ago.  

At this juncture, the cop who was posted at the street corner, and who eyes seemed to take in everything, strode purposefully over to the tuk-tuk.

Eying the driver suspiciously, he turned to me and, in crisp British English, inquired: “All OK, sir?”

Immediately realizing how odd it all must have looked, I nodded, and asked my driver to explain what was happening.

The cop listened carefully, raised a brow in contemplation, then nodded curtly in approval.

 Perhaps 15 minutes later, I was still a’ talkin’.

The young man, his hard trembling from non-stop writing, finally paused, looked up at me, and broke into a huge grin.

An inarticulable rush of joy flooded me, bubbling up from deep within, and I grinned back. Ear to ear.

The cop---now in on it, and seeing us both grinning like a pair of mid-day fools---refused to be outdone, and flashed his best million-watter as well.

This, is kinda what it looked like:  ??????

He then proceeded to give me a head-waggle, followed immediately by a second.

If you don’t know much about India, know this:

If anyone, much less a cop, offers you a double head-waggle…

Man, you are doin’ somethin’ right.

Nearly 45 minutes later, sweat-laden and choking from the noxious fumes of the Bangalore metropolitan area, we finally headed back to my hotel.

And me?

I couldn’t have felt calmer.

Or happier.

I was reminded of two lessons that day.

1)  Just because someone can afford to pay, doesn’t mean they’ll make a great client.

2)  aND Just because someone can’t…doesn’t mean they won’t.

In the end, money and titles have little bearing.

A coach loves to coach.

A coach, needs to coach.

It’s who we are.

Guess that would be a 3rd thing I was reminded of on that day.

Props to my guy, Praveen, who was as hungry as a rabid dog.

You are absolutely EVERYTHING a coach would ever want in a client.

Thank you, little bro. ????

And yes, for those of you who are wondering, he does have my number. ??

Because not ONE of us, is self-made.  

*For the record, Praveen is a college student, had just finished his last class, and was starting his 8-hour shift to support his family.