I Long for More Meaningful Conversations

9/11/24

I awoke this morning in my small town in Vermont, acutely aware of the significance of the day.? I remember that day in 2001, driving to work and hearing that our country was under attack. Other than Pearl Harbor, I had not heard of any other time that foreign actors had engaged in a physical attack on the people of my country. I am an American. I understand that we are not a perfect union. I understand that our traumatic history has not yet been integrated into the social fabric, and our wounds are still open, despite the passage of time. I’ve always felt that we could use a Truth and Reconciliation Commission, like Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela put together at the end of the formal Apartheid era. Yet, to ask for such healing at a time when it appears that no one believes anyone is speaking the truth anymore, we don’t trust the media or each other, and we seem chronically engaged (or distracted?) by celebrity culture, interpersonal conflict, abuse and ad hominin attacks, seems na?ve. ?

In the twenty-three years since that time, the world has changed and so has our country. Political threats are coming from within, and our country is tearing itself apart with political polarization and a lack of civil discourse. Misinformation, domestic terrorism, cyber-attacks, voter intimidation, racism, antisemitism, trans and homophobia, and an insurrection that attempted to stop the peaceful transition of power have created a climate of fear and anxiety. This is the backdrop to the United States presidential debate last night and the upcoming election in November.

When I awoke today, September 11, 2024, I also knew that at the end of the day, I would be in a conversation, hosted by my friend Susan Palmer, where a group of thought leaders from across the country and Canada, would gather for the simple and profound act of sharing space to read a poem we each chose to bring and to offer any spontaneous reflection we had, if we were inspired to do so. It was a paradoxical gathering where the solemnity of the day was juxtaposed with the celebration of my friend’s 15 years of service to her community as a facilitator of #meaningfulconversations. ?

I had never been much for poetry.? I rebelled against it and was turned off the from the moment I was exposed to Beowulf in seventh grade public school English class. I just assumed that I was incapable of understanding poetry and had no idea that it could serve as a salve on my aching heart when the circumstances of my life humbled me during my own divorce.

I had not spent time cultivating relationships with poets or poetry until I met Susan and began a fantastical journey into the world of leadership training, executive coaching, adult development, polarities, poetry and what it means to be a heart-centered, present leader. In my early zeal to do “something productive” with my life, I pursued my childhood dream of being a lawyer. En route, I studied Philosophy because I had a sneaking suspicion that the Big Questions mattered.? Who am I?? What is my purpose? Is there a God? What is Energy? How can both good and evil exist at the same time? What is Love? What is Friendship? I studied various spiritual paths and practiced a few as well, always looking for answers, not realizing the answers come from within.

The poem I chose for this evening was Hafiz, which goes like this:

THE SUN NEVER SAYS

Even

After

All this time

The sun never says to the earth,

?“You owe

Me.”

?Look

What happens,

With a love like that,

It lights the

Whole

Sky.

?The Gift, Poems by Hafiz the Great Sufi Master, Translations by Daniel Ladinsky

This was one of the first poems that touched my heart. Reading it, I realized that I often engaged the world from a highly transactional point of view, not an open-hearted one. I would do something for you if I thought it would serve me in some way.? I would keep “score.” I paid less attention to the “tonal quality” of my relationships and attitudes, than the transaction at hand. I see a similar dynamic at play in the larger social field, as well as in the day-to-day dynamic of couples that I see in my work as a Collaborative Divorce lawyer. Hafiz, a Sufi poet from Persia, who lived between c.1320-1389 was able to express Love, in a way that “lights the Whole Sky.” That is the kind of love I wish for myself, for those I know, for those I love, for my enemies, for our country, and the entire world.?

Poetry cracked me open. It asked me: “Where is your heart?? In what ways are you engaging in meaningful, deep, searching and compassionate conversations with others around you?” If you have a favorite poem and a story to share of why it was impactful for you, please share it. Let’s be the change we wish we could see. It starts with each of us being willing to start a conversation with someone we don’t know or think we may not like because they have a different political view. Let's ask each other some curious questions and find some commonality.

The divisiveness and lack of civility I see is breaking my heart.