"I LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE ME OR WHO I LIKE TO BE”.

"I LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE ME OR WHO I LIKE TO BE”. One of my coach mentioned it a few years back in a coaching workshop and it did ring a powerful bell. Many of us feel that we are unbiased but our preferences could be towards people who are like us or inspirationally we would like to role model. If we aspire to be inclusive intentionally and naturally, this bias needs a shift.

First it's important to understand why we like some people and why we don't like some. As human beings, we love ourselves, our security and our own survival which is important fundamental to human existence. Once that's achieved, we want to thrive in the current and future for contributing to something more meaningful in life. This potentially gives us space to be at our best and enable us to live our purpose. We all have read about tribes, cults, groups, community where individuals of similar thinking, preferences, actions, values, beliefs come together and form a community. People feel comfortable in similar groups because they feel compatible and receive a positive reciprocation.

Secondly, why do we have the need for being compatible becomes so relevant. As humans the research says, we thrive to our best potential when we have freedom of 'our being' and are not judged continuously. One of the reason why organizations strive to enable an inclusive culture for all individuals with their uniqueness. When we feel we are understood, we are able to focus our energies on variety of other important aspects which will bring impactful outcomes. We also believe that the ease with which the other person might appreciate and acknowledge our feelings, emotions both said or unsaid becomes easier when there is compatibility or likeability between two people or the community. Our complex brain enjoys simple inputs.

However, when we are with people who are not like us, situation could become tricky as perceived by our brain. How the other person will interpret our actions, thoughts, intent and be able to represent us the way we want to be represented. Brain gives signal that it's too complex and needs high energy. More so, if situation or relationship becomes difficult it might have to fight, flight or freeze.

As human beings and especially as leaders, we should strive to work with everyone seamlessly whether we like them or not. Some of my reflections that helps me take that one step further are:

1. Leave your judgement about yourself and others since the journey always starts with our own self. Listen to others from their lens, being non-judgmental in the moment and listen with full body when you say you are listening. This will create a safe space for individuals to share unconditional thoughts based on who they are, how they feel and the way they chose to react.

2. Pause your Internal churn or self talk. The actions you would have taken are based on your life experiences and actions other takes are based on theirs. Relating it consciously or sub consciously to what you have or would have done, is only relevant for you and not for others.

3. Pause for your own need to give advise. Our brain pattern works on multiple learnings of our past. Remember, every human being has all the resources to shift his or her life and make necessary changes. If you truly want to help the other individual, the art of facilitating with right questioning can help the other person find their own answers.

4. Switch on your learning curiosity. Our mind responds to new stimuli when it feels it could be valuable in present or future. I personally find it very enriching to know how people who are not like me think, what's their approach to life, how do they make difficult decisions and how do they cope with their failures and demonstrate with courage, fairness, authenticity and resilience. When I started on this journey, believe me, it wasn't easy to stay connected.  

5. Being in a community is not a bad thing, being with people who you like is not wrong. However, this should not become limiting for not being inclusive and accepting others who are different and have their unique individuality. If need be are you comfortable in inviting them to your community and at same time, get invited to theirs.   

It's a journey and a tough one which is interesting. Imagine if all of us give space to people around us, be non-judgmental and at same time be empathetic, it will be create a beautiful Inclusive World. Imagine if the very concept of people who we like or don’t like itself cease to exist because we just like the co-existence with another human being, it will be a wonderland for us to collectively thrive together.