I like my comfort zone just fine, thanks

Has anyone ever advised you to push yourself out of your comfort zone? I’ll bet they have. I’d also guess most of us have given that advice to someone else. But the idea that we can’t grow unless we’re outside our comfort zones has always struck me as not quite right.

When I’m at home on my sofa with my dog and my space heater surrounded by my books, I am most definitely in my comfort zone. Assuming I’m actually reading one of those books, am I not growing?

When I’m sitting around a fire pit with my close friends, each of us sharing our own vision for the future and talking about how we’re going to make it a reality, I’m in my comfort zone. And who can say I’m not growing?

When I'm walking in the woods, feeling calm and at peace out in nature, that's my comfort zone. Can I not grow from that?

I’m not suggesting it isn’t okay to be outside your comfort zone once in a while. Nor am I saying you can’t grow from doing so. Once upon a time I found recording podcasts or on-screen interviews to be absolutely terrifying. Those activities have gotten slightly less scary as I’ve done a few of them, but the real bonus is that I can now sing karaoke with my friends, something that felt out of bounds for me before the podcasts and interviews.

What I take issue with, in the advice we’re all giving each other, is that growth depends on doing things that feel out of bounds. Moreover, that we think we’re doing others a favor when we push them to do things that make them highly uncomfortable. Even the language of pushing doesn’t sit quite right for me.

What I take issue with, in the advice we’re all giving each other, is that growth depends on doing things that feel out of bounds.

One of the primary tenets of Deloitte’s Business Chemistry is that we’re not all the same. How boring it would be if we were! The world doesn’t feel equally safe to all of us. Indeed, it isn’t equally safe for all of us. Some of us have large comfort zones, while others have tiny ones. One person might find a particular activity or circumstance to be mildly awkward or slightly disquieting, or maybe actually fun and energizing, while for someone else the same thing could be mortifying or horrifying. Sometimes just showing up is an act of courage.

Psychiatrist Judson Brewer suggests that for some people, what lies outside their comfort zone is a panic zone. And it seems to me that panic isn’t the best state for growth.

Brewer says there can be a zone between comfort and panic—the growth zone—but he doesn’t advise pushing ourselves or anyone else to find it. Instead, he invites us to employ an attitude of curiosity, which feels quite different. Essentially, he suggests we can check whether the activity or circumstance we’re uncertain about might actually be safe, by exploring and attempting to learn more.

It seems to me that panic isn’t the best state for growth.

Leadership development consultant Susan Moss recently put it a bit differently in a conversation we had, and it's really stuck with me. She said instead of talking about pushing people outside their comfort zones, we might start talking about how to help them expand their comfort zones--that there's a growth edge we can stretch, but that still feels safe. The difference is subtle, but it’s not just semantics. It’s a different mindset—one that strikes me as both more supportive and productive.

What do you think? I’d love to talk more about this, so please share your thoughts!

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