I learnt how to negotiate from my mother

I remember vividly in 4th grade I needed to buy a shirt for a school-play. We headed to the local mall, walked into one of those stores where there are no prices on products. The shopkeeper takes out a few shirts based on the colours you like, correct sizes and starts unfolding them.

"How much is this?" I say.

*He starts unbuttoning the shirt*

"Try it on!" He replies

I put on the shirt, it fits well and immediately I have a smile on my face.

"Mom!, This is grea-..." I almost say.

*She stares me down*

"Okay okay this one is fine but doesn't fit so well, show us some more" she says to the shop-keeper as I shut my mouth.

So the shopkeeper, as asked, starts showing us some other shirts. Different colors, different sizes, different fits. I try them on one by one.. But it's not the same. However, I'm not allowed to show my emotions - this is the bluff.

She takes a random shirt which I didn't show so much interest in and says:

"Hmm this one isn't too bad, show us some more like this."

He takes out some more until finally exhausting all the available options saying

"I don't think I have any more of his size in this color you want. Maybe I can show you another colour?"

"No no.. we need this color only" She says.

"Sorry, I don't have more in this color.." He replies disappointed.

By now, she already knows which one I want. It's the first one. I don't need to tell her this. She's my mother. So she picks up the first one, and another random one which I did not like and tells the shopkeeper, "Okay, what are the prices of these two?"

Option A (The one I wanted): This one is 2000 rupees

Option B (The one I did not want): This one is 1800 rupees

"What?? 1800 and 2000 rupees? We were finding the same shirts for 1200 rupees at the previous shop" she says shockingly."

"Madame, these are the prices all around the mall. You can go and check for yourself. If you find anyone selling lower, I'll give it to you at that price" he replies confidently.

"Okay fine, we'll go to another shop" she counters.

"No, no.. Wait. Okay, how much do you want to pay for this?" he asks.

Now most of us.. would counter an offer of 1500 rupees, or 1600 rupees for a price given to us. That's the standard. Cut off 10%, maybe 20%? My mother? No.

"800 rupees" she says without a stutter.

At this point, I'm standing shocked, almost embarrassed. She's asking for more than a 50% discount on the initial offered price! Unbelievable. What is she up to?

"Madame even we don't buy these shirts for 800RS. There's no way I can sell it to you for that price" he replies

"Okay, that's fine. We'll go somewhere else" she says

She takes my hand, and we start walking out of the shop.

"Okay okay! Wait. We can do 1300RS. Come, I'll pack it for you right now" he says as he starts buttoning the shirt, folding it and putting it in a plastic bag.

Alright, that's fine. Here's 1300RS. Thank you.

"Thank you, come again" he says.

-

Now what are the key takeaways from this story. Let me clarify by first explaining, my mother was not cheap. In-fact, she would many times over-pay or give the asking price without hesitation based on situation to situation. This story is not an indicator that every situation should be negotiated. The first is to analyze the scenario, the place you are at, the country you are in (at times) to think, can I negotiate here?

If the answer is yes, then you may. I'm not asking you to go to Zara or H&M and at the cashiers desk demand to pay 50% of the asking price. But at the same time, I think too many people are embarrassed to get the best of the situation.?

Another situation you shouldn't negotiate in is where the person selling something to you will benefit more from the sale than you would feel the impact of the expense.

These may be, a rickshaw driver, someone running a fruit-stall or a small corner-shop that's asking a few cents above the retail price.

If the expense won't bother you at the end of the month, pay it.

Consider it an act of giving from your end, without telling the other person.

Now back to the takeaways from the story:

1. ?Never show your cards in the beginning:?If I had shown that I loved the shirt, talked about how great it fitted, we would have already lost. This applies to job interviews, contract negotiations, general sales and anywhere the price is variable. At best, we would’ve gotten that 2000RS shirt for 1800RS, not a big deal. If this was a contract negotiation, this could’ve been hundreds of thousands of euros.
2. Consider all the options:?Even if you’ve made up your mind, there’s no harm in looking around. Having more to choose from means you have more knowledge about what’s available. If not today, for tomorrow.
3. Know what you want:?Coming in, you should know how much you’re willing to spend. Whether this is for an external agency you’re hiring to build an application or a new employee you’re about to hire. She knew what the market rates were, and how much she was willing to pay. If you’ve made up your mind about something, there’s a high chance that you’ll do anything in your ability to get it. But don’t let them know this.
4. Shock the other party:?This is a tough one. You have to be careful in negotiating to the point where the other party does not feel disrespected or feels that you are not serious. However, if both parties come into a meeting with a plan,?sometimes,?the best way to beat them is by extremities. Instead of ranging between rational numbers, offer an absurd number. Assuming that you have the upper-hand, the next number they offer you will be at the lower range of their plans.?
5. Don’t be embarrassed:?The worst they can say is no. Move on to the next person.

I only remembered this story about a month ago when I went to a carnival with some friends. We were playing some games (the rigged ones that you don’t really win) to get a stuffed toy. This is in Amsterdam - a completely different turf from the streets of Karachi.

"5 euros for 3 tries" the attendant says to me.

"Okay, sure" I say. And fail 3 times to win the toy.

"Okay this time I'll give you 5 tries for 5 euros" he says.

Now, he's the one that's opened the possibility of negotiating with me.

Remembering this story, I say, "10 euros for 20 tries"?

All my friends, bursting into laughter. One of them, embarrased! Just like I used to be. "You can't do that..." she says.

The story played out almost exactly the way the one above did. With a few more laughters since this isn’t the norm here.

I got more than offered. Following the same technique, I got 18 tries for 10 euros. We were all happy. I actually ended up building a small connection with the guy at the stall with the humorous interaction.?

?I still didn't win the stuffed toy (*sigh*).?

But hey, I got so many more attempts at potentially being successful which I wouldn’t otherwise have by accepting his number. Got a few laughs, a few looks of “you’re crazy”, a few embarrassed friends that stepped back. The guy made some money, I had some fun.

All’s good.