If I knew then what I know now?

Can you imagine if you had some of the knowledge, scars and experience you have now and could go back in time? Would you make the same mistakes? We have so much to share to others about our past. Sure our parents try to tell us what we should do but that information just shoots through our ears. I am confident it would be worse if they didn’t even try. So why is it we have so many people in our lives that can serve as great resources to navigate life and we choose to wing it?

Trust me winging it hurts and leaves some nasty scars. I do not use my past to torture myself. I do not shut the door on my past but use it to remind myself and hopefully to be useful to others.

I was lucky, real lucky growing up. I was lucky to have a great father and mother. I grew up in a nice home, went to nice schools and honestly was very comfortable.

I do not have a lot of experience with having it tough but I do have a heart for people that because of race, culture, religion or a zip code; fight harder to make it.

I have a father who taught me to love people, give everyone the benefit of the doubt and to encourage people to reach above what they often see as impossible.

So, what If I knew then what I know now?

If I could travel back in time with the knowledge I have today I am convinced it would not be the healthiest journey for me. I believe true virtue in life is mostly the struggle and not the prize. I have learned a lot of lessons and many of those have left me in shame, guilt and remorse. Sure I have buckets full of enjoyment, success and joy but I am convinced they are a byproduct of the pains of the past. So I hope there is something that might stick to your brain and travel with you into the future? That is my quest and my hope.

 I have three life lessons;

My Faith

My pursuit of STUFF

Victim hood

 My faith

I went to church with my grandmother on Christmas, Easter and on Mother’s day because I had too. I looked at God as a cop or a tough principal. I honestly thought I had to be good to have a relationship with Him. For years I told myself I would work hard on getting better and then go to Him so He could carry me the rest of the way.

That was a bad plan for me. I didn’t have the skills, tools and self-worth to pull that off. Things did not get better they actually got worse. I thought I was on an island of misfit toys and one day Santa would just pick me up. That day didn’t happen. Giving up isn’t easy, surrender is not in my core but in my experience it is the only time I threw in the towel and won.

It’s bigger than just having a guard rail or a cop watching your back. It can’t be about just trying to get your tail out of the foxhole you’re in. It’s a relationship, the biggest life coach I could ever ask for. I watch younger people today who get it and marvel at the impact that is in front of them in the future.

I got to where I am on my own time and I am grateful for that. I am convinced if I had the tools of faith at a younger age my usefulness here would be bigger, larger and the waves of those gifts would crash even louder.

 My pursuit of STUFF

A lower self-worth forced me to make sure I looked the part. I wanted to have the right clothes, the right car, home; you name it I had to have it. I thought when I just get "there" (try finding that place) everything would be ok. That is a journey that will end up as a destination. A destination of living in fear.

My dad would always tell me, “hey that won’t make you happy”. I thought sure it will, you have it and you’re happy. He was right. Having a truck load of STUFF means you have to take care of STUFF. You have to pay for STUFF, insure STUFF, manage STUFF and the list goes on and on. You end up not enjoying STUFF but taking care of your STUFF so you don’t lose your STUFF.

My mind told me my STUFF defined me. What I found out is pretty interesting. First of all people really don’t care what you wear, drive or where you live. You might think they do but they really don’t. They might say something like “wow” that’s a cool car but those are simply just words. When you drive off you put that statement in your mind like a check in the bank and now you just want more. They walk off and they are off to their day, in most cases they will never think about what you have again. But boy your STUFF account just went up and the pursuit of STUFF becomes even more important to you.

The pursuit of STUFF is the kiss of death. In my experience I managed the outside of my life first. When it finally hit home and I began to give up STUFF and I had to spend time with me. Now that’s a scary place but that’s when the real definition of self gains traction. I began to work on the inside of Scott. After sometime I could catch myself in the mirror and actually like the guy looking back. Not because of what I wore or had but because I knew the guy on the inside. Live life from the inside out! Living life from the outside in is like a Hoover sweeper with a new bag it “sucks”!

 Pack your bags and move out of victim hood

Victim hood is a bad neighborhood. I had a friend of mine tell me your brain is like a bad neighborhood, you should never be there alone. We all have had bad breaks, things do not turn out like they should, people don’t do what they are supposed to do, etc.

If people would just read the script “your script” things would be great. I grew up thinking I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people. That took away my self-respect “people would not do what they were supposed to do”. Trust and belief in anything began to slip away, the world was against me and I had no control.

Now that might seem harsh but actually for me today it’s funny. What made me so important that I thought I could control everyone and everything? What a joke. I can laugh at it today but trust me I was the mayor, a police officer and the mailman in the city named victim hood.

You can only control what you have control of, period, no exceptions. It’s hard to grasp and trust me I struggle with it often but understanding it has been a real gift to me.

Occasionally I will pack my bags and visit victim hood but I have truth tellers around me and they will simply walk me to the jet way and get my little tail out of town.

The bottom line is simple solid, grounded people around us can serve as anchors. Unless you anchor deep in relationships including the one with yourself, you could go down.

The most reliable anchor points are not recent discoveries, but the time tested truths that have held their ground against the winds of change.

 Truths like;

My life is not futile

My failures are not fatal

My death is not final

Attach yourself to these boulders and no wave is big enough to wash you under.