I Kind of Love This City

I kind of have this love for New York City. The dirt, the grit, the incredible massiveness of so many people and things packed into such a seemingly small place. I’ve been blessed to visit NYC a few times, and every time I have, it has put its mark on my heart, even though I’m a southern girl who loves her wide open spaces.

I’ve had the opportunity to visit Rockefeller Center, Soho, Little Italy and Ellis Island. I’ve ridden a pedi-cab through Central Park and down 5th Avenue chased by a garbage truck. I’ve been really hungry, and eaten some of the best and the worst food in my life in New York. I’ve walked miles and miles and miles in a city with one of the best mass transportation systems in the world, mainly due to my best friend who loves whirlwind adventures there. I’ve climbed the precarious stairwell to the top of the Statue of Liberty and eaten hot dogs, pizza and pretzels on the street. I’ve felt the electricity which passes under you as you gaze at streaks of yellow flashing by, horns honking and heard curse words whiz out the windows.

I’ve been thrown around in cabs driven by people speaking wild and foreign languages. I’ve ridden on the subways, clapped for plays on Broadway, and marched to the Top of the Rock to watch the lights go down and come up again on the city that never sleeps. I felt the energy pass through me from rushing crowds in crosswalks. I’ve ridden the Staten Island Ferry and seen all the Seinfeld hot spots. I’ve watched the magic of Times Square come alive in street performances, and felt the shuffling feet of a billion bodies dancing to the beat which just hums rhythmically every moment of every day in NYC. I’ve shopped the runway stores and felt like a movie star as I tried on clothes I knew I’d never buy, and then relegated myself back to checking out the overpriced clearance racks for some bargain I could say I got “in the city.”

I’ve schlepped on foot across the Brooklyn Bridge and back again because well “we’re going.” I’ve ridden the carousel in parks, laughing wildly, feeling like a child again. I’ve felt the heat of a million cars buzzing around and watched the sun sink behind the monolithic buildings. I’ve kept my friends safe on the street using lingo they didn’t understand “watch your six.” I’ve officially been a hillbilly who smelled of sweat and too much walking as I ordered a $40 drink in a high-falutin’, high rise restaurant. I’ve had models haughtily stare me down in a bathroom fit for a king while me and my friends frantically tried to “gussy ourselves up” in front of mirrors where the most famous people in the world have stood. I’ve breathed in the grime, the mess, the muck and at the same time the beauty of a city filled with smells that hit your olfactory senses like Mike Tyson punched you in the face. I’ve laughed until I’ve cried with friends in Central Park when one of them “went down,” and I just kept on walking. I’ve stalked the NY apartments of famous people I admire hoping for a glimpse of them living “real life.” I’ve toured museums and played around fountains and watched the buzz of life at NYU’s campus. I’ve stood by the Wall Street bull and looked at that defiant little girl wondering why she’s so mad at capitalism. I’ve been kissed on the streets of NY under the lights in the rain. I’ve cried watching homeless people living in conditions no one should ever have to live. I’ve dreamed of living that big city life in a tiny Carrie Bradshaw-style apartment as I passed by real estate agencies ultimately realizing paying more than $4000 a month for 800 SQF just isn’t practical. I’ve felt the electricity passing under the streets of this city and just soaked it all in as incredible experiences I’ll never forget.

Yeah, I kind of love this city. And whether you like it or not, we are all tied somehow, in some small degree of separation, to NYC. For most of us, it’s through the legacy of our immigrant ancestors who traversed wild seas in hopes of a better life in the land of milk and honey. Maybe that’s why New York has such a draw to the world as a melting pot of not just people, cultures and places, but it reminds us of how complex the world is today, even though it started out so very simple.

I have seen both the pre and post New York skylines from the harbor. And I often wonder, on this particular day of the year, as the Big Apple started to wind down and back up again with the nightlife, did it just feel peaceful there for a moment? As if the city paused, and took in a breath, and tried to prepare this bustling metropolis for what would become one of our darkest days as a nation, that very next day.

We often still ask questions of why, even 18 years later now, why would human beings do what they did on that fateful day, to other human beings? Evil? Hate? Satan? The depths of humanity in us cry out for these answers still today, and yet, silence rings back as there are no easy answers. The fact that we all feel extremely loud and incredibly close to this cataclysmic event reminds us of the tie that binds us to this city. It reminds us at our core, we are all part of a thread of humanity which is woven together into the fabric of a history we didn’t want to have to write.

The world was shattered and broken on a day 18 years ago tomorrow as this city was propelled into chaos in a matter of seconds. We all look back now at how different our lives were before 9/11. We think about the peace which was a gift we took advantage of, and didn’t care for enough until we were robbed of it by a group of men hellbent on frightening the world and rattling our nation’s cage.

We all will never forget the shroud of darkness over this city I kind of love. But if we are still, if we are at peace, we remember the stories of the brightness of humanity, and depths of human souls reaching out and helping one another to survive the next moment. We are patiently reminded that even the most powerful darkness cannot keep out the light, not if we don’t let it.

And as we close down this day before America’s second Day of Infamy, we hold fast to our hearts those who lost loved ones in the towers, on the planes, in the fields of Pennsylvania. We remember the first responders from all over who flooded into the city knowing full well they may be running to their deaths, but protecting and serving and rescuing anyway. We remember the ship captains who staged the largest civilian sea rescue in history lifeboating tired and weary New Yorkers to safety. For it is for all of them, and all of the beauty of this city I kind of love that we will #neverforget

May you sleep well tonight and remember always in mere seconds, life can change and our existence can be radically altered. Hold fast onto the ones you love, and be grateful for every moment of peace you can consume. And hold tight onto the light which still shines brightly out of those fateful moments 18 years ago where we all, for a moment, joined together, prayed together, and loved each other, despite our backgrounds and differences. We all for a moment, lived as New Yorkers.