I keep getting rejected – should I give up?

In the workplace and in life, I’m sorry to say that rejection is just an inevitable part of the process. As a former recruiter and adviser to executive jobseekers on how to navigate the job market successfully, the draining effect of rejection is something I’m used to discussing. 

Rejection takes numerous forms and for many is an unwelcome companion through the journey of life. It manifests at school, in relationships and, most definitely, in the workplace. The latter crops up in many ways, including being passed up for promotion by a current employer or not being shortlisted for an interview in the external job market. 

Rejection will always be there, because we have little control over the perceptions and decisions of others. Blaming your employer or the condition of the job market passes the buck and reinforces the disempowering belief that there’s nothing you can do. 

What’s the point – it’s time to give up – what’s wrong with me? If left unchecked, these thoughts could bombard your subconscious and become your self-talk companion during your waking hours, not to mention while you’re trying to get to sleep at night. Take care – these thoughts are damaging, debilitating and unhelpful to your pursuit of progression. 

In my experience, anything worth having has to be worked at. It’s easy to give up too early. While living, working and training in the martial arts in Tokyo, Japan, I happened upon a proverb that plays centre stage to how I choose to approach life.

Nana korobi ya oki  – fall down seven time, get up eight. There’s no better advice. You’ll get knocked down, but you always have the option to get back up!

Nothing is certain in life and a ‘certainty mindset’ will leave even the most positive of people feeling a little despondent at times. A certainty mindset goes something like this – if I do something, I expect to get this. Whatever you do, you won’t always get the outcome you want. A ‘probability mindset’ is a much better option and presents itself in this way – if I do something ten times, it’s likely that I’ll have success three times out of ten.

Using the job interview as a useful analogy – there are two approaches:

Approach 1 – The candidate who interviews once gets rejected with minimal feedback and subsequently gives up (certainty mindset).

Approach 2 – The candidate who interviews once gets rejected and doesn’t let it phase them. They see rejection as a learning opportunity and one step on the road to a successful outcome – they keep going (probability mindset).

A quote I find helpful is from Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson. If anyone, ever, had the odds stacked against them it was him. Physically weak, of small stature and someone who suffered from acute sea sickness, on first inspection, he was never cut out to be Great Britain’s naval hero at Trafalgar.

The history books quote him as saying: ‘Perseverance in any profession will most probably meet its reward.’ In my opinion he was right.

On the flip side, you have to know when it’s time to pick a different path. The catalyst to any decision to change course, though, should not be a reaction to a negative situation, but instead have at its root a proactive decision to make a change. 

As human beings we make decisions all the time instinctively. On the one hand this is good news – it gets us out of trouble when there’s no time to think. On the other hand, when it comes to important life decisions, the knee-jerk reaction often requires some tempering. While it’s helpful to have many of our decisions made automatically by our subconscious minds, for the big ones, taking the time to process them in our conscious minds is best advice.

Stay focused, keep going and success could be just around the corner!

[For more thoughts on this subject, I wrote a book at the start of this year about my time in Japan. Suck It Up Or Go Home – A True Story About The Courage To Stand Up, Keep Going And Never Give In! It’s available now on Amazon worldwide – https://amzn.to/31ngjyb.]