“I just want to live my fckng life.”

This was the raw and honest statement from a friend that sparked the latest Conversations with Vivienne.

Our afternoon was filled with brilliant insights, laughter, a few A-Ha moments, and yes, a bit of swearing. But more importantly, it was a space where we shared encouragement, empathy, and life lessons we could all learn from.

One recurring theme was our relationship with the inner critic, the voice inside that judges and demeans us. As many of you know, this voice can be harsh, leading to feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. It’s that nagging thought that whispers (or shouts), "You’re not good enough."

It led to some big questions:

• Why do we so often let our inner critic take the wheel?
• What if we cared less about what others think?
• Could we really live our best, most authentic lives if we mastered these two things?

So I asked my guests these challenging questions:

• Can you recall a time when your inner critic held you back? How did it affect you?
• When does this critic usually appear in your life? (Knowing this can give you the upper hand in shutting it down.)
• Does your inner critic have a name or a voice? (Several people said, “Oh, it’s definitely my Mum’s voice!”)

Once you can identify it, here’s a simple but powerful tip: Tell it to shut up! Seriously, say it out loud "I don’t have time for you today." It might sound silly, but give it a try and see how it feels.

We then looked into another crucial topic:

"How to be as good a friend to yourself as you are to others."

I work with many clients who are rediscovering their identities. The reasons vary, but here are two common scenarios:

1. The kids are growing up and becoming more independent, leaving parents with more time and a sense of loss about who they were before having children, and what they want to experience now.
2. Approaching 50 or beyond, with a lot of life experience behind them, some eyeing retirement in the distance. They’re feeling more independent but unsure of what truly makes them happy or what they want to explore next.

I always say to clients ‘the most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself”.

Friends and family may not always be available, so it’s essential to learn how to meet your own emotional needs. We often know how to be a good friend to others, offering trust, loyalty, encouragement, and empathy. But why is it so hard to extend that same kindness to ourselves?

Take a moment to re-read that last paragraph with yourself as the friend. Do you trust your own judgement? Do you encourage yourself to try new things? Are you empathetic when something doesn’t work out, or do you blame yourself? Do you celebrate your own joys and accomplishments?

It’s time to start treating yourself like the best friend in your life.

• Accept yourself unconditionally. Take note of your best qualities, keep a list, and remind yourself of them often. Confidence grows from self-awareness and self-acceptance.
• Get to know yourself. In the hustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters to you. Take time to reflect on what you enjoy and what fulfils you.
• Make time for you. Put a date in your diary to spend time with You! Whether it's a hobby, a quiet moment, lunch out, or something fun you love to do.
• Set boundaries. Boundaries are a crucial part of self-care. They prevent burnout, protect you from resentment, and ensure others treat you with the respect you deserve. When was the last time you stood up for yourself or showed self-respect?

The conversation with my guests reminded me that living your fckng life isn’t just about ignoring what others think, it’s about actively choosing to be your own best friend (as cheesy as that sounds!) setting boundaries, and embracing your true self.

So, next time that inner critic shows up, tell it you’ve got better things to do. Life’s too short not to live it fully, authentically, and with a little bit of attitude.

• If you want to hear how many fcks famous women give, do yourself a favour and make time to listen to the lovely podcast The Shift by Sam Baker.?
• A book recommendation by a few of the guests: All Fours by Miranda July.?

???? I'm Vivienne, a life and career coach.

??? If you're at a crossroads and seeking clarity or ready to make positive changes, let's chat.

?? Book a free discovery chat and see how my coaching can help you navigate your journey.

?? Remember, you can shape your future while living your life.