I just need to vent!

How many times has a coworker or partner plopped down across from you and said, “I just need to vent!” How many times have you done it yourself?

Venting creates social bonds

As young adults and early careerists, venting is the secret ingredient binding many budding friendships.

Grabbing a quick bite to eat with your work bestie and unloading your annoyance about your expense report getting denied once again is relatively harmless. Come on, do they honestly need every receipt? (Yes.)

Bonding through a vent session is natural, even expected. However, the fallout from being regarded as a time-wasting, emotionally expensive friend or employee can be considerable.

(TL;DR? Venting can be healthy, but tricky. Skip to the venting “easy” button and schedule a zero-risk vent session.)

Vent with extra caution at work

As you grow in your career, venting about work to colleagues often becomes more pain than gain. By this point, you’ve seen a vent to the wrong “friend” or accidental screenshare revealing a backchannel IM derail a day, a relationship or a promotion. Sometimes all three.

If you’ve moved into management, you understand why they say, “It’s lonely at the top.”

At the top (or at least somewhere in the middle) you’re wiser and more situationally aware than when finance’s attention to your $33 expense really was your biggest frustration. Unfortunately, now that you have complaints with teeth, your seniority limits opportunities to share them.

With fewer options and less social capital to gain by venting at the office, many of us turn to best friends outside of work or a romantic partner to unleash our work frustrations.

A natural response

At some point, you might feel shame around your need to vent. You know people would love to have your problems, your job, your life. You tell yourself, “Venting won’t change anything!” and “I should be grateful, damn it!”

You are perfectly human, not a perfect human. No amount of education, number of certifications, years of experience, or dollars in the bank changes that. What’s more, you can be an inspirational and respectable leader while releasing pressure along the way. In fact, you must.

Experts say a productive vent session can help clear out the bad to make room for the good and even have health benefits. The trick is approaching it thoughtfully, like you do anything with dueling elements of risk and reward.

Heed these five tips to keep your unofficial therapy session from becoming the thing you need to vent about next.

1. Don’t gossip: Venting is about something that’s happened to you, not someone else. If your personal situation involves others, leaving out names and other personally identifying information helps thread this important needle. Venting can be positive, but gossiping is not.
2. Be selective about your partner: No matter where you are in your career or life, never involve a subordinate, boss or children. There’s too much risk and not enough reward with these audiences. Similarly, be intentional about when and how often to vent to a lateral colleague, romantic partner or best friend. While these people may have a deeper understanding of your job and personality, withdrawing more than you deposit from emotional bank accounts can damage your relationship.
3. Clarify the listener’s role: Get everyone on the same page with roles and expectations. Make sure your partner is free of distractions and agrees to keep things confidential. Let them know if you’re looking for sympathy, validation, a new perspective or something else.
4. Find a private space: Venting online is never private. Even if you are a unicorn who’s never texted the wrong person, your kids probably know the password to your phone and your company monitors your work computer. Find a space away from corporate communications channels and eavesdroppers. Taking your vent on a walk refreshes your environment and incorporates exercise, which is another stress buster.
5. End on a high note: To prevent getting stuck on an issue or trapped in a helpless pattern of negativity, you need to end your emotional purge on a positive. Try reframing the issue as an opportunity. If that doesn’t work, list three things you’re grateful for, or take a one-minute breathing meditation. Your end goal is to put the unproductive energy firmly behind you and move on.

The venting “easy” button

Like many things, venting can be deceptively difficult to do well.

Unlike many things, this one comes with an “easy” button.

As a PR professional for 20 years, a military spouse for 15, a mom for 10, a former sorority president and a current executive coach, I’m prepared to listen to you.

For a confidential and productive vent session that won’t cost you a raise, a client or a spouse, schedule a 25-minute “e-vent” with me here.

After you schedule the call, you’ll get an email with a short form where you’ll acknowledged the confidentiality policy and define my listening role. When our meeting time comes, you’ll find a safe space to talk and I’ll make sure we steer away from gossip and end our chat on a high note.

Venting is never free, whether the cost is transparent or not. While the e-vent fee is nonrefundable for cancellations, I’m offering a 100 percent satisfaction guarantee.

Plus, if you continue with me as your mentor coach, your investment will be credited to your first session. But that’s a conversation for another time.

Just need to vent? Let’s do it.