I Invented The Term ‘Self-Squashing’.

How I discovered an upbeat variant of Impostor Syndrome

Impostor syndrome — a very familiar concept. Whether it’s spelt ‘imposter’ or given the original name ‘impostor phenomenon’, it’s used without much explanation these days.

These days maybe, but I wasn’t aware of it for most of my life. I only started looking into it about 8 years ago.

After all, it’s a feeling, and they weren’t delved into so much when I was a teen and young adult. Nobody talked much about neuro-diversity, hormones or depression. I never even considered my inner chatter or rationale behind my career decisions or my ‘alien’ feelings in social situations!

However, when I set up my coaching business about 8 years ago — just before turning 60, I was forced to figure out my ‘outsider’ feelings. I was attacked by a swarm of impostor-y demons!

‘You are not a businesswoman. You are a creative. You know what happens when people are successful business people — they become detached from their personal lives. They sell their soul.’

‘You won’t be taken seriously. You are an actor and an entertainer!’.

This negative chatter attack was the catalyst for my investigations that led to my discovery of ‘self-squashing’. It wasn’t just me doing it — my clients were. It was everywhere. When I posted content about ‘self-squashing’ it resonated. When I wrote a book and did a TEDx talk about it — it resonated!

So what is it? What is ‘self-squashing’ and why not just call it impostor syndrome?

How is ‘self-squashing’ different from ‘impostor syndrome’?

Self-squashing is a barrier to joy, impact and growth — and so is impostor syndrome.

However, when you feel like an impostor you feel ‘not good enough’ but when you are self-squashing, you are afraid of being ‘too good’!

I can best explain this by using an example…

Imagine you have been asked to give a presentation at work or at a networking event.

With impostor syndrome in the driving seat, you are likely to question your right to even give this talk. Your inner monologue will be full of self-doubt phrases — ‘What if they are disappointed?’ ‘I won’t know the answers to all their questions’, ‘anything short of perfection will show me up as a con artist!’ ‘I won’t do it as well as (insert a name)’.

When you are ‘self-squashing’, you are likely to dumb down. You will avoid anything too ‘original’ or ‘personal’ or ‘outside the norm’. You will dress to fit in and downplay your expertise. You are in fear of accidentally bragging.

In other words, you are suppressing your true self due to a fear that revealing and owning your full passion, personality and power will have you judged as an unlikeable show-off or maybe even ‘unprofessional’.

Both involve masking, suppressing, holding back from opportunities and feeling misaligned, but the more positive aspect of self-squashing is that you are worried about being too amazing, not too useless!

How did I spot my ‘self-squashing’?

Like I said, it was setting up my business that sparked this self-discovery — that I quickly realised wasn’t just about me.

I had plenty of qualifications and experience to help others with communication and confidence. I rationally knew I wasn’t an impostor.

The problem was, I wasn’t allowing myself to be myself. I was trying to fit into an illusion I had of a ‘professional businesswoman’. I was convinced that releasing my more quirky personality traits would have me laughed out of the business world. I was in an internal fight with myself.

If you have ever tried to fit in by squashing your personality, vibe, beliefs, opinions…. you will know how unpleasant and de-energising that feels. You can do it strategically, consciously, occasionally … but not as a default behaviour fuelled by fear.

I was going to traditional networking events and ‘doing my pitch’ and ‘acting the part’ (I was a good actor by the way). I was coming away exhausted by not being me. But it took a while for this light bulb to get switched on.

I tried a very different type of event, with a whole new community of business owners, and hey-presto… I released myself! Nothing bad happened. Good happened.

Bit by bit I unsquashed. I showed up, which is not the same as ‘showing off’.

As I went on this journey, I began to spot the effects of my past ‘self-squashing’ — but I am not one to live in the past. Je ne regrette rien.

How to unsquash — one quick tip.

Many of the tools for unsquashing are also good for managing impostor syndrome — because they are both self-imposed feelings and actions driven by fear of rejection, failure, success… being too much or not enough…

So — self-awareness and a bit of boring rationality help.

When you feel all out of sorts and giving your inner negative chatter control, press pause, reframe, move forward. Repeat.

Here is a handy reality check:

Fear of rejection results in self-squashing. Self-squashing can manifest as anger and result in fight and flight behaviours. The anger is frustration at yourself for not being yourself — because you have self-squashed out of a fear of rejection!

So repeat: Being myself won’t limit me.

Stay curious and unsquashed. trisha x

If you are feeling a bit 'squashed' in your messaging and mojo - book an 'unsquasher hour' or 'Say it out Loud' session - you will be amazed at how much can be achieved in an hour. (Plus - you get a gifted copy of my book!)