I Hope My Kids Become More Responsible Smartphone Users Than I Am--Here Is My Plan To Make Sure That Happens

I got my first smartphone when I was almost 30. I've had a love-hate relationship with it ever since.

It benefits me in so many ways that I sometimes wonder how I ever lived without it.

But it also distracts me in so many ways that sometimes I wonder how I live with it. In fact, I once wrote about how I would like to ditch my phone just like my favorite filmmaker, Christopher Nolan.

Distraction Doesn't Mean What I Thought

I used to believe the opposite of distraction is focus. I recently learned, however, that its opposite is actually traction. Seriously, just look at the two words: traction vs dis-traction.

Think of it like this: when your car has traction, it takes you in the direction you want to go. When your car is on ice and it loses traction, it does not go in the direction you want it to.

The same principle applies everywhere in your life. Traction helps you move in the direction you want to go, achieve your goals, become the person you want to be. Distraction prevents all these things.

My Opinion is Shifting

When I look at my smartphone through the traction-distraction lens, I believe my phone is more often a tool that brings me toward my goals than one that pulls me away. Yes, it can distract me, and often does. But where I used to long for the day I could just ditch my phone altogether, my opinion is starting to change. I now believe that my challenge is increasing my traction, and ditching my phone doesn't necessarily help.

I'm Starting to Encourage My Kids to Have and Use Tech

I'll admit, I just cringed a bit while writing this. I have been staunchly in the kids-don't-need-tech camp. I've watched myself battle screen addiction and distraction addiction. I don't want to heap those vices on my kids.

But what if I had learned the good habits and practices that make my smartphone a tool for traction? What if I had learned to avoid the practices that turn my smartphone into a distraction?

The reality is that if my kids don't get to learn those lessons while they are young, they'll have to learn them later in life. Why not try to pass on some of the hard-fought lessons from my mistakes?

Our Current Plan

My wife and I outlined a plan that we are trying with our kids. I'm sure we'll have to adjust it as we go, and each of our 4 kids will certainly have varying strengths and weaknesses. But the overall goal is to help our kids become responsible tech users BEFORE they move out on their own. Hopefully, this will help them achieve their goals while avoiding vices that can impede them.

Phase 1: Gizmo Watch (age 5-8ish). The watches are programmed so the kids can call Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Grandpa.

Phase 2: Gizmo Watch (age 8-11ish). We let the kids choose a few friends to add to their Gizmo contacts (the newer version allows up to 10 contacts).

Phase 3: Gabb Wireless (age 11-13ish). The kids can start carrying a smartphone-looking phone, but it's limited to talk and text.

Phase 4: Gabb Wireless (age 14-16ish). We add group messaging and photos.

Phase 5: Full-functioning smartphone with Covenant Eyes (age 16 - 18). We will give the kids full access and functionality, but they will understand that mom and dad will receive weekly reports of their activity so that we can discuss and help them build good habits.

Below is an ad we made for Covenant Eyes that describes the service. The ad is written from the perspective of a man who is trying to kick a porn habit, but the same technology works great for families (as I described above).

A Few Additional Rules of The Road For Tech Use at Home

We are also working on some guidelines that we feel will help create good habits. Admittedly, though, so far I am the worst offender in the family at breaking these rules. Developing my good habits is also a work in progress.

Rule 1: Technology belongs in the kitchen, living room, or schoolroom. No tech in bedrooms or basement. We feel there is strength in numbers, and keeping the tech in the more public parts of the house will hopefully help us avoid some of the darker things the web has to offer.

Rule 2: No tech at the dinner table. This is a great opportunity to connect with each other face-to-face. Phones at the table almost always seem to fall on the distraction side of the spectrum, and rarely add to traction.

Rule 3: When at home, leave unused tech by the door. It's there when we need it, but hopefully getting it out of our pockets can help us avoid the addict-like reactions to every notification.

Inspiration For This Post

I recently read Indistractible by Nir Eyal, a phenomenal book about how to control your attention. Ironically, he also wrote Hooked, which is practically the bible for how to build addictive products. Hooked is probably required reading at all the social media companies.

Eyal wrote Hooked first, then decided he needed to uncover its antidote. Indistractible was the result. It's phenomenal. I highly recommend it.

Conclusion

We cannot shelter our kids forever. They will eventually be exposed to online bullying, pornography, and other challenges the internet offers. They'll have to learn how to self-regulate their screen time. And most importantly, they'll have to figure out how to use technology for traction.

Our hope is to help our kids prepare for the hyper-connected, modern world by giving them technology bit-by-bit as they grow in maturity and responsibility.

We hope they'll seek our help in dealing with challenges and building good habits. That is why we are choosing to give them tech while they're young.

How about you? What approach are you taking? Let me know in the comments.