I have your back.

This week was a tough one. A close family friend passed away unexpectedly, and it has me reflecting on friendships, particularly female friendships and how critical they are.

As females, we are encouraged to find our "tribe"; our circle of friends and colleagues that we can rely on, vent with, raise our kids with, go to for career advice, etc. We rely on our female relationships to challenge us, inspire us, validate our feelings, and sometimes just as a way to be seen and heard. No matter what season of life we are in, these relationships are critical.  I’d argue that they are actually more critical now than ever before.

We are at a time in history when females are coming together instead of competing against one another. We’re supporting each other and building each other up instead of tearing each other down. 

I think back to the outcome of the recent U.S. Open match between Naomi Osaka and Coco Gauff. After a hard-fought match, Osaka was victorious over Gauff… and instead of leaning into the well-deserved champion spotlight and letting Gauff sulk away, Osaka insisted that Gauff join her for her on-court post-match interview. She lamented that she knew how it felt to lose… to walk off the court, defeated, and to cry alone in the locker room. Instead, she wanted her opponent to feel the love of the crowd and to be surrounded by the admiration that she and Gauff's fans had for her. 

This act of kindness between two females can certainly be a lesson for all of us as we continue to find ways to support one another. Sometimes our culture at home or at work doesn’t seem to have space for this type of support. But it’s up to us to create that space. It’s up to us to choose compassion over competition….kindness over criticism.

A few months ago, while on site with a client, I noticed this amazing photograph hanging on a female executive’s wall. When I asked about it, she told me the most badass story about female elephants banding together.

Here’s the brief version:

When a mama elephant is giving birth, all the other female elephants in her herd, back up around her in a circle formation. They close the circle tightly so that the laboring mom can’t be seen in the middle. They stomp their feet to kick up dirt in order to cover up the scent of what’s happening in the middle. 

This act of protection sends a clear signal to any predator that if they are trying to mess with the female in the middle, or the new life being brought into this world, they are messing with 50 tons of female power.  

This story got me thinking. This act of protection, of banding together... this is our instinct. It's what we are meant to do. Somewhere along the way, we may have lost sight of how critical these relationships are. We may have turned our focus toward strengthening ourselves as individuals, independent from our female community.  I’ve worked with clients in the past who are so busy striving for validation from their (often male) bosses, that they forget to invest time and energy into finding and strengthening their female tribe.  Shit, I’ve been that woman too.

So, let’s all do better.

A few tips for building and strengthening your tribe:

First things first… Who makes up your tribe? 

If you don’t have one, find one. There are amazing affinity groups in many organizations, and external professional networking groups galore. Get a female mentor. Be a female mentor. Start looking for ways to build relationships with other strong women.

Leave Judge Judy on CBS.

As females, we can be quick to judge or criticize, instead of connecting and relating. Look for commonalities and try to relate to what others may be going through. Remember that we aren’t competing; we’re on the same team.

Stomp and kick up some dirt!

When you see a female friend or colleague who has just set a new goal, come up with a new idea, gone through a tough situation, struggling at work or at home… etc., find ways to help and protect her from predators, and generally make sure she (and everyone else!) knows, "I have your back".  

When one of us succeeds, we all succeed.

**************************************************************************

Does this resonate? Feel free to comment below!

For coaching or consulting inquiries, reach out to me at [email protected]