I Have Some Feedback on How We Give Feedback

Welcome to my Weekly Thoughts Newsletter, where you'll find my take on the week's news stories, my favorite pieces on how we can thrive even in our stressful world, and some fun and inspiring extras. 

Today's read is ~4 minutes.

Directness Is a Dish Best Served With Compassion

Compassionate directness is Thrive’s number one cultural value, and this week I wrote about why it matters and how we can put it into practice for the New York Times’s “Smarter Living.” Compassionate directness is about empowering employees to speak up, give feedback, disagree and surface problems in real time. But it has to be done with compassion, empathy and understanding. For many of us, especially those of us who have been raised in families or within cultures that encourage indirectness, compassionate directness may seem really hard. Fear holds us back — fear of negative reaction or of rocking the boat. As with so many habits, when we flex our compassionate directness muscle, it becomes easier and more natural. So check it out and start flexing!

Yes, and…

I’ve done a lot of comedy in my career — most of it intentional. (You can see me here on “Real Time with Bill Maher” sparring with Brian the dog from “Family Guy,” and here on “How I Met Your Mother” sharing an awkward moment with Neil Patrick Harris.) When we began developing Thriving Culture, a digital program to help companies create inclusive and thriving workplace cultures, we knew that comedy would help people move from awareness to real action. That’s why we partnered with the renowned improv company Second City. This week we welcomed two of our collaborators to Thrive HQ: Colette Gregory, a Second City facilitator and mental health counselor, and Kelly Leonard, who started at Second City as a dishwasher and went on to hire up-and-comers like Tina Fey, Stephen Colbert and Amy Poehler. They showed off their improv chops and shared a line from Second City improv legend Del Close that applies to any of us who work on teams: “If we treat each other as if we are geniuses, poets and artists, we have a better chance of becoming that onstage.” Stay tuned for more info on the Thriving Culture program and the webinar we recorded, going live soon on thriveglobal.com/events.

My New Favorite Habit Stacking Hack

I've always known I had an addictive personality. And what has saved me is to use this trait to build good addictions. The latest variation on this theme that has run through my life is a pact I made with myself to only watch T.V. shows I love while I’m on my treadmill. And it has been absolutely amazing. Two weekends ago, I did four and a half hours on my treadmill as this was the only way to finish “Succession,” and I could not go to bed without finishing “Succession”! Last weekend — I know, very late to the party — I started “Billions” and clocked three and a half hours (I would have been on the edge of my seat if I weren’t walking). The great thing about “Billions” is there are four seasons, and each season has 12 episodes, so that means nearly 48 hours on my treadmill. I know I didn’t invent watching something while you exercise, but this is different. It’s watching something you love only when you exercise. And you can pick your habit stacking combo. “Parks and Recreation”-while-jump-roping? Sit-ups-and-“Cheer”? Whatever works!

Read More on Thrive: How Human-Focused Technology Can Empower Us to Take Control of Our Well-being

The App That Wanted to Be Used a Little Less

Like many of the most successful social media platforms, TikTok is carefully designed to hook and capture our time and attention. But in a new campaign, the app has partnered with a few of its high-profile creators to encourage people to stop continuously scrolling, and instead go outside or go to bed. “Those videos will still be there tomorrow,” one influencer says. “Go get some extra sleep, turn your phone off, do yourself that favor, and have a great night.” Speaking to Input Mag, one design expert calls the campaign “a good example of social media apps wanting to have their cake and eat it too” — helping users to identify potentially addictive behaviors, without addressing the root cause of what makes the apps so addictive in the first place. Even so, role models reminding users to unplug, recharge and reconnect with themselves and the world beyond their screens is a small step in the right direction.

Let’s Sync Offline and Replatform Some Shareability Learnings

It’s hard to give feedback — including compassionately direct feedback — if we’re using words that don’t really mean anything. That’s one of the “takeaways” — sorry! — of Molly Young’s funny and unsparing New York Magazine article on corporate “garbage language” — the platitudes and buzzwords that increasingly dominate our workplace. By making it difficult for others to know what we’re really saying, garbage language stymies our ability to communicate clearly and give direct and sincere feedback. As Young writes, “it is obvious that the point is concealment; it is less obvious what so many of us are trying to hide.” It’s a great reminder to be mindful of the words we choose — and to resist being pulled into the kind of truisms and clichés that sound nice but don’t mean much.

To Be or Not to Be

Courtesy of the Sunday Paper

I love reading Maria Shriver’s inspiring newsletter and this week the Sunday Paper includes my “To Be” List which you can read here. To hear more from Maria each week and to get news and views “above the noise,” subscribe to the Sunday Paper newsletter here.

Before You Go

Book of the Week

Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond, by Lydia Denworth. In an age when loneliness is on the rise, friendship matters more than ever. Denworth goes beyond what we know — that connections with friends make us feel good — and reveals why friendship affects our health on a cellular level. It’s crucial for our physical health, affecting our heart, immune system, cognition and sleep. As she says in an interview on NPR, “we think of friends as this lovely thing — but it is actually a matter of life and death.” So if you ever feel that making plans with a good friend is an indulgence, or should come only after every other thing on your to-do list is complete, this research proves otherwise. Make time for your friends. Do it for your cells!

Video of the Week

Kobe Bryant’s memorial at L.A.’s Staples Center brought together some of the world’s greatest entertainers and athletes to pay tribute, but Michael Jordan’s eulogy was the standout. Jordan shared how their mentor/mentee relationship grew into one of brotherly love, and as tears streamed down his face, he poked fun at himself: “Now he’s got me. I’ll have to look at another crying meme — I told my wife I wasn’t going to do this, because I didn’t want to see that for the next three or four years.” But he did cry and the video did go viral. It’s a worthy addition to M.J.’s highlight reel — and a deeply human moment that helped millions of Kobe Bryant friends and fans say goodbye.

Read More on Thrive: Kobe Bryant Was More Than an N.B.A. Superstar

Quote of the Week

In his remarks to celebrate the beginning of Lent, Pope Francis urged Catholics to give up trolling, saying: “We live in an atmosphere polluted by too much verbal violence, too many offensive and harmful words, which are amplified by the internet. Today, people insult each other as if they were saying ‘Good Day.’” No matter your religion or spiritual tradition, it’s a compelling reminder that we have the power to consciously drop our worst habits — online and off — and commit to building new and healthier ones. And there’s no better time to start than now.

Best,