I have seen the future this weekend in Sister Bay, Wisconsin. It is not good.

I had the chance to go to Washington Island with my wife and daughter this weekend. I got to see my parents and my sister and brother in law. I was the last car on the 9:15 ferry, so all those cars I passed between Jacksonport and Ellison Bay needed to be passed or we would have missed the boat.

Everyone in the front passenger seat of my car, who I might add also has the capability to drive, can now shut up. We got there safely and did not miss the boat. If I had a real car, and not a Buick Enclave that requires I get to about 4500 RPMs to pass a car going 57 miles per hour, maybe it wouldn't sound like we were all going to die. Which we did not. Not even close.

On the way home Sunday, my wife, my sister, and my daughter wanted to stop at various shops in Door County. To keep me mollified, they agreed to stop at my favorite pizza place in Wisconsin, Wild Tomato. Wild Tomato has a location in Fish Creek, and a few years ago, opened a second location in Sister Bay. If you are in Door County, Wild Tomato is a must stop restaurant.

Wild Tomato is what you might expect from a local Door County restaurant. Locally sourced produce, craft beers, brick oven fueled with real wood, special pizza that helps a local not profit, and really earnest young staffers ready to change the world. You kind of expect the Indigo Girls and Bernie Sanders to wander in.

I order an Iced Tea. My Wife orders the usual diet coke. My sister gets a regular coke. My daughter has a water. (they bring the water in a separate bottle)We all learn that the Wild Tomato has changed to paper straws to help save the environment. Based on what I am hearing from Starbucks, paper straws are our future. And the future is here at Wild Tomato.

Paper straws are not effective for stirring Stevia in to your Iced Tea. They are not sturdy enough to stir through the ice. They also fail quickly when exposed to my sister. My sister needed a new straw before the food arrived. To avoid the plastic straws, next time I will have a beer. Probably two. And then get in the car and drive. Should be fine, I guess.

But blame the paper straws for this.

You need to go out and buy a lifetime supply of plastic straws before they are banned. Plastic straws are going to be banned. In 1992 the Federal government outlawed toilets that flush more than 1.6 gallons. Clothes washers don't work as well as they used to because of environmental regulations. Incandescent light bulbs will be gone by 2020, due to increasing environmental regulations. You dishwasher is really more of a dish heater and moistener than an actual cleaning appliance. And now the environmentalists are coming for plastic straws.

Make no mistake. Paper straws are the future. If you fight to save plastic straws, you might as well just join the guys who club those cute furry baby seals to death. So quietly stock up on plastic straws, just like you will be quietly buying 100 watt and 60 watt incandescent bulbs in 2019, when you realize they are really going to be illegal. Get your straws now.

Based on my expected life span, (I got my expected life span from an internet quiz) if I use one straw a day, I will need just under 1,000 straws. Not sure what my family will need. Probably I will get at least another 1,000 for them, and stockpile them in our bunker, with the guns freeze dried food, and amo.

People who fail to plan for the plastic strawless future are simply planning to fail. When plastic straws are outlawed, only outlaws will have plastic straws. And you can have my plastic straws and 100 watt incandescent light bulbs when you pry them from my cold dead hands.

Keep on rockin' in the free world.