I have a secret at work that could cost me my job. What do I do?
Maynard Webb
Founder, Webb Investment Network; Author ‘Dear Founder’; Board member Visa and Salesforce.
Q: I’ve been involved in a romantic relationship with a co-worker for more than a year. We’ve kept it from our boss, whom we both directly report to, because he doesn’t condone interoffice relationships. Now that it’s getting more serious, it’s getting uncomfortable living with this secret. I want to be honest, but I don’t want to lose my job. What should I do?
-Worried at work
Dear Worried,
You’re not alone in your conundrum. Statistics show that more than 60% of adults have had a workplace romance . With little time outside of work and the comfort factor that comes with working closely with someone as well as sharing something in common, it makes sense that many relationships take root in the office. In fact, more people meet their spouse at work than on a dating app (43% of people who date a colleague end up marrying them ). Famous case in point: President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama met working at the same law firm.
I understand that you’re nervous about that ramifications that may come from disclosing your office relationship. However, it likely makes sense to do so.
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First, it’s no way to live when you’re hiding something and someone important from people close to you. Second, your colleagues are smarter than you think, and they know more than you think they know. I wouldn’t be surprised if people suspect something.
You should review the employee handbook and determine if you are in violation of any company policy. If there is someone you trust in the HR Department you might want to reach out to gain further clarity on the policy and potential consequences of violation. Depending on the state you are in, your relationship may be protected from any adverse employment action.
Once you have the information you need, you can talk to your boss. Depending on what you’ve learned, you might be able to say something like, “This doesn’t violate company policy but before I tell coworkers, I wanted you to know…” It’s best that your boss hears this from you rather than a colleague, or the rumor mill. The longer this goes on the harder the situation can become to manage.
Like many relationships, when it comes to office relationships, it’s complicated. But it’s better to be transparent. I think you will find it freeing to come out of the shadows and live in the open.?
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1 年1. If the two work in different areas, let it slide 2. If the two work in the same area, but no preferential treatment, then transfer one to different area. 3. If preferential treatment without meritocracy, fire them both Meritocracy matters
Gerente Executivo na Fiesp | Gest?o do Complexo Produtivo da Saúde, ênfase no setor Farmacêutico e de Dispositivos Médicos
1 年Great advice has been given to you, follow it, and whenever possible it is better to preserve your personal life. However, after making the relationship public, act naturally and ethically and be happy.
Leadership, Executive Coach, Team Facilitator, Strategic Advisory
1 年It's a complex issue that is hard to answer as it's so situational given company policies and the actual response if it becomes a known issue - as these aren't always the same. In the '80s I had a situation during my time heading an HR Development group where a manager and a training staff member in another group both reporting to me started dating and I knew about it as they told me but I had no immediate solution. Our Senior VP asked me at a meeting with my boss the VP of HR two staff members were still "an item" meaning - dating. No one wanted a lie so I said "I'll take this under advisement." After that I told the SVP and HR VP I'd fix the problem when other SVPs fixed theirs! It was rampant. My boss a new HR VP then agreed to meet SVPs on this. He told me after how bad it went from the religious VP whose PA was dating his Chief ___ to basically 'take a hike' to another SVP who said "HR you fix it" but as he exited that office he could the SVP laughing his head off. Those issues weren't resolved but mine was as this new couple wanted to move to a new lower housing cost city where they still live today. I helped him get a job he eventually retired from. She got a great job too.
Chief People Officer & Board Member
1 年Good sound advice from Maynard. It’s takes too much energy to maintain an office romance in the shadows and being transparent is best path forward.
Leadership is more than just giving orders.
1 年I'm amazed that you have kept it a secret for a year. I would be amazed that the boss doesn't already know but is waiting for you to tell. From the information it sounds like your boss doesn't like interoffice romance but the company isn't against it. Otherwise you would have said the business doesn't allow interoffice romances. Honesty is always the best policy. Even if it hurts. You may both lose you jobs but if the person is worth it, it's part of life. The good and the bad.