I have never fit in.

I was always too much. Talking too much. Asking too many questions. Questioning so-called authority. Questioning why people did what they did.

I was always “old for my age.” (I heard that a lot growing up – from adults and peers!) I always sensed the real story rather than the one people tell to hide their pain.

I wasn’t so different from everyone else that I obviously stood out as a “misfit” (mostly because I figured out early what was “expected” and did my best to look the part), but I have always been just-different-enough to always feel slightly uncomfortable in my skin.

And I have always been aware that I was expending effort trying to be like everyone else.

But the truth was, I could never fully pull it off.

I did a lot of experimenting with who I was and how I wanted to be, and what I wanted to achieve in my teens and early 20s. I made choices that didn’t make sense to a lot of people.

To be honest sometimes those choices didn’t even make sense to me, but they seemed to be the right choices at the time.

For a while as I was raising my kids, my life probably didn’t look that different from yours. I did a lot of juggling trying to be the best mother that I could be while also doing what was required to put food on the table for them. If you’re a mother, you know that your “self” can sit on the shelf for quite a few years when you’re deeply immersed in raising humans.

But then, my kids were grown. The structure of my life fell away. That familiar “misfit” energy started to amplify again. I restarted my quest to figure out who I really am and why I’m here.

Now, though, it feels different than when I was young. Rather than feeling uncomfortable, it feels empowering. Life has taught me that we aren’t all here to be the same. To have the same experience. To follow socially prescribed rules of behaviour.

You, me – all of us – came here to “be who you are.” And who YOU are is not who I am. We’re each a piece of life’s puzzle with our crazy edges and patches of design that somehow come together to create life’s beautiful image.

But the divine design only works if we each hold our own shape. It only works we don’t let ourselves get jammed into a spot where we don’t really fit. It only works if we don’t hide our true colours. Life’s beautiful image only comes together if none of the magical pieces get lost…

And it’s really easy for women to get lost. First of all, we have those social prescriptions that train the individuality out of us from a young age. We’re molded to be generous, selfless (and self-sacrificing!), self-critical perfectionists. We’re pulled back from our grandiose ideas of what life could be like. We’re encouraged to be nicely slim (plus busty), wrinkle-free and perpetually 27.

BUT

Eventually, the mirror makes it clear that maintaining the “youthful” veneer is going to take a lot of effort. We realize we have a choice about how much we are going to care about that.

We also start to realize that being self-sacrificing is exhausting, demeaning and unfulfilling – which, arguably, was the point of it all anyway so we’re more compliant to authority. (Ouch.)

Women literally “age out” of social expectations, because social rules haven’t considered us beyond our fertile years. In other words, at a certain point in every woman’s life, she becomes a misfit.?We disappear, in a sense.

And thank goodness for that!

For many women, this becoming invisible (for a time) and breaking free of social shackles is liberating. Creativity kicks in. New dreams come alive. A sense of purpose defines itself. We don’t really care, deep down, what other people think of us anymore. We’ve been around long enough to know life is too short to live according to other people’s expectations of us.

But also: it can be unsettling when you lose or let go of the framework. To become your own life architect. If you’re out of practice or were never encouraged to live outside social rules, you may not know where to put your foot down next.

That’s why community is crucial for women. We need to surround ourselves with others who are figuring out or sharpening their understanding of who they will be now that the rules no longer matter. A place where both experienced and newly-minted “misfits” fit and support each other as we each dream our new experiences into being.

I strongly believe that women have the power to shift the trajectory of our human experience if we each embrace our unique path and purpose and stop letting the old ways of doing things run the show.

Who’s with me?

Sending you love,

Lisa

PS I invite you to join me and hundreds of other women in the Wisdom Becomes Her movement. You’ll find our private group on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/wisdombecomesher I hope to see you there!