“I have a knife and I’m worried that I may use it”

The single most alarming and upsetting call I’ve ever received. To this day those words continue to haunt me. I can still recall where I was, what I was doing and how I felt when I heard those words at the other end of the phone line. I can also recall almost every moment of the car journey that followed as I rushed to get to the person making the call.

I can’t, however, begin to contemplate how the person making the call would have felt at that moment. Looking back, it was a cry for help, a plea to make the suffering end, and importantly, an action so brave that I only hope I can act with such courage if I ever find myself in the same position.

Because that’s the thing with mental ill-health. It could be me one day. It could be you one day. It could be any of us. Just as with physical health, mental health is something we take for granted until it’s taken from us. Only then do we realise just how extraordinary good mental health is.

Mental-ill health does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter how much (or how little) you earn, what your job title is, what gender you are, how old you are. The list could go on. Mental ill-health does not discriminate… and neither should we. 

With every fibre of my being, I am relieved that my story had a happy ending. What followed the phone call and the subsequent car journey was an emergency trip to hospital, a diagnosis of depression, and a care pathway that ultimately ensured a recovery to full health. But not everyone is so lucky. Sadly, those suffering from mental-ill health are not always able to access the support that they require without judgment, prejudice or discrimination.

Why is that? I wish I had all the answers. Unfortunately I don’t. However, that one life experience has made me passionate about trying to raise awareness and understanding of mental ill-health. 

For too long, mental-ill health has been a taboo subject. A subject we can’t, shouldn’t or won’t talk about. Thankfully, this is starting to change, but more must be done. With a growing incidence globally, mental-ill health will touch most of us directly or indirectly during our lifetime. 

In the UK, where I am based, the statistic that demands our attention is that 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem in a given year. 1 in 4. That’s an incidence greater than most illnesses I can think of.

During the past few years, as I have sought to expand my own understanding in this area, it’s been my great privilege to speak with a wide range of people who have ‘lived’ experience of mental-ill health. That is, personal experience of living with mental-ill health, predominately stress, anxiety and depression.

 As I reflect on my insights from those discussions, a few key things strike me.

1. No-one chooses to suffer from mental-ill health. That may sound so obvious - but’s it’s actually quite profound. If every conversation about mental-ill health started from this core belief, many more lives would be positively impacted and we would eradicate much of the prejudice overnight. Sadly, I too often hear that this is not the case. Instead of leading with understanding and compassion, too many conversations regarding mental ill-health start with judgement and mistrust. I can’t imagine anyone challenging the legitimacy of a broken limb, yet I have myself witnessed numerous conversations where the legitimacy of a mental health condition has been called into question. Once you gain a broader understanding of mental-ill health and the impact it has on lives, you begin to understand just how dangerous and tragic such ill-informed judgements can be.
2. Disclosure can be incredibly hard and is - in itself - an act of tremendous courage. How many organisations promote ‘courage’, ‘openness’ or ‘authenticity’ as one of their values and behaviours? What could be more courageous than disclosing that you are suffering from mental-ill health and that you may need help? I can’t think of many things, particularly in the Corporate environment where the prevailing culture is so often one of performance and achievement. Disclosure has been portrayed to me as a ‘leap of faith’; an act of risk taking without a clear idea of what may happen next. So I maintain my position. To disclose requires someone to first acknowledge that there is a problem (not an insignificant step on it’s own), before then sharing that with someone else. That’s hard with any problem but when you consider the stigma that often surrounds mental-ill health, it is, without question, an act of tremendous courage.
3. Support can take many different forms. I caveat this point by declaring that I am not a medically trained professional. However, in listening to the experience of others’ what strikes me is that there are many different forms of support that can be effective for mental-ill health. From medication, to cognitive behavioural therapy, to talking therapies - the range of support is broad. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why mental-ill health is not so well understood. Put simply - there is not a one-size-fits-all solution. What I have come to learn is that you don’t need to understand all of this. The simple act of asking someone how they are and trusting your intuition when you sense something is wrong, can be all it takes to start someone along the path of seeking support. Once that’s done, there are a plethora of excellent resources and services that can help with identifying next steps. Note. I cite some of these resources at the bottom of this post.
4. Mental ill-health is all around you, everyday and everywhere. That may sound negative but that’s not my intent. As I continue to deliver presentations, thought-leader sessions etc. to raise awareness of mental ill-health I continue to be blown away by the response I receive. Many times this comes in the form of individuals who approach me afterwards and share that they are living with mental-ill health. They are invariably talented, successful and high performing individuals who have learnt how to live with mental-ill health, often with the support of individualised treatment pathways. And in many cases you would have absolutely no idea. I can guarantee you have someone who fits this description in your team right now. These are the stories of hope that can be such a source of inspiration for those in need of support if we can only surface and celebrate them.
5. Finally, it’s OK to get it wrong. This is perhaps the most controversial statement in this post. But it’s a core belief of mine that it’s better to do ‘something’ than to do ‘nothing’ if you suspect yourself, or someone you know, is suffering from mental ill-health. A reoccurring theme of my discussions with those who have lived experience of mental-ill health is that they could have, on reflection, avoided considerable and unnecessary suffering if they had acted earlier. During my discussions I almost always ask, “What would be your advice to others’ who feel that they may be suffering with mental-ill health?”. 9 times out of 10 the advice offered up is to, “Seek help as early as you can and don’t suffer in silence”. Easy to say, yet sometimes so hard to do. That’s why I believe that doing ‘something’ is so important if you suspect someone may need support, even if your execution is not perfect. It may just be the nudge or encouragement needed to take that important next step.

The above insights are by no means exhaustive. I continue to learn more about mental ill-health every day, mainly from the inspirational individuals with lived experience that I have the pleasure of engaging with. These folks are heroes in my eyes. I recognise that I still have far to go with my own understanding of mental ill-health, but also recognise that I have come a long way since receiving that phone call. I truly hope I never have to take (or make) another call like that. But if I do, I feel I am so much better prepared now.

It’s my hope that by sharing this I will encourage further personal reflection and dialogue on the topic of mental ill-health. It would be great to hear your views and experiences in the comments box below. 

I believe passionately that by talking more about this topic we can, collectively, help to improve the experience of those who are living successfully with- and suffering from- mental-ill health. 

We can - and will - act on the stigma associated with this topic. 

After all, we all have mental health.

Further resources (UK-based):

If you feel you, or someone close to you, needs support with mental-ill health then the Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) offer a range of free, 24-7 services and advice. 

Your Medical Practitioner will also be able to help you. In emergency situations, I would advise going to your local hospital Emergency department.

If you are a professional or business owner seeking to improve support within your workplace for mental ill-health I would recommend Time to Change (www.time-to-change.org.uk) and the Mental Heath at Work Portal https://www.mentalhealthatwork.org.uk).

Please note. the above views are my own and this post is made independently of my current employer.