I Have an Attitude Problem

I think there’s something much more sinister (to all of the endlessly positive bullshit) than simply watching people cringe out on the internet.?

The lack of authenticity is stifling in the same way that silence can be deafening.?

I have an attitude problem, that’s my bullshit, and I’m working on it.?

There’s this constant pressure to be the most. It feels like we’ve fully, fully forgotten the art of subtlety.

Do we think we have nothing left to learn from one another?

On this planet full of people obsessed with perpetual positivity, genuine human experiences are so very glossed over. At this point I think we are all aware that admitting flaws is taboo, and so everything feels like an unwinnable race to an unattainable perfection.?

The irony is palpable— we’re surrounded by people all the time (digitally), yet true connection feels increasingly rare and ridiculous.?

It feels like?—?what’s the point.. right?

Maybe we aren’t being vulnerable enough with one another. Maybe the internet has made us scared of vulnerability.?

I have an attitude problem. I have to work on it every day. Sometimes I can be an asshole for no reason. Sometimes I can be moody, and sometimes I let that moodiness bleed into my interactions. I want to be better.?

We can’t become better humans by pretending that we aren’t doing anything wrong. If we refuse to look at our own bullshit, we are asking ask a lot of the other people around us. Least of all we’re asking them to overlook it, which is in turn asking them to be inauthentic.?

The people around us can and will help us, but the help is only helpful if we are honest about our shortcomings, and if we allow them to be honest with us.?

Given my aforementioned attitude problem, I have to ask others to be patient with me. I have to apologize in advance for my abrasive nature. I have to be careful with my micro-expressions. Etc, etc. It’s not always easy or fun but I prefer it to being an asshole.

Authenticity requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is uncomfortable. But without it, we’re left with superficial interactions that leave us feeling isolated.?

The facade of constant happiness only serves to deceive others and keep them away while simultaneously trapping us within walls of our own construction.

You can ask Analiese Yant whether I have an attitude problem?—?she knows. She just told me this morning that she knows all my faces now. She can tell when I’m being a brat. She also knows I’m working on it.

It’s in the honest moments that growth happens. Recognizing a shortcoming is the first step toward meaningful change. Wallowing in guilt and seeking pity is simply ineffective and a waste of time.?

Living is about taking responsibility for who we are and striving to be better, right? Maybe if we worked towards creating environments where we feel safe sharing our faults openly, we’d feel less pressure to maintain an impossible standard.?

Perhaps we’d rediscover the value of subtlety; of quiet strength; of teaching one another without the need for grandstanding. Perhaps we’d learn how to learn again.?

For me, I have an attitude problem. I’m working on it.?

There’s life in authenticity. There’s salvation in humility.?

I leave you with a poem:

Trapped

You put me in a box

Who are you?

I thought I knew.

You told me I’m free now

You told me I can see

- Your third eye is open

You said as you lied.

I can feel the walls,

Invisible but somehow

Pressing so heavily on me

You’ve made me contrived.

Who am I?

Don’t be coy,

I am you.

In the end, I suspect that the biggest obstacle to authenticity is ourselves. We build the boxes that confine us, all while pretending they aren’t there and that we don’t know who built them (lol).?

Breaking free requires honesty?—?and that starts with honesty about yourself towards yourself.

I have an attitude problem and that’s my bullshit that I’ll share for now.

About the Author

Sam Hilsman is the CEO of CloudFruit? and BotOracle. If you’re interested in investing in BotOracle or oneXerp, reach out. If you’d like to become a developer ambassador for BotOracle, visit www.botoracle.com/dev-ambassadors to sign up.