"I Hate Networking" - How to be less of a Reluctant Networker

I am currently part of a peer mentorship program in our Naija Startups Business Leader Network, where we get paired with a ‘buddy’ to offer or receive business and professional support. Interestingly, I was matched with ‘Del’, who works in structured finance and investments, while I come from the development sector.

At first glance, we seemed like an unlikely pair—our industries, approaches, and even our personalities were different. I thrive on networking, while Del is what you might call a ‘reluctant networker.’

The Reluctant Networker’s Dilemma

During our lunch meeting, Del asked me: “Aramide, how do you nurture your networks? While you enjoy meeting people, I’d much rather stay indoors and read a book. I actually need to recharge after attending events and conferences.”

I smiled because I had heard this before. Many people assume that networking is only for extroverts — but that’s not true at all.

I am actually an ambivert. I love meeting people, but I also need time alone to recharge. So, if you are an introvert — or someone who simply hates networking— how can you still be effective at it?

Here are a few key considerations:

1. Mental Preparation: Change Your Mindset

If you approach networking with dread, it will feel draining. If you see it as an opportunity to connect, learn, and grow, it will feel empowering.

As the saying goes, “everything starts in the mind”. What you imagine will likely manifest. Shift your mindset from "I have to network" to "I get to meet interesting people who can challenge and inspire me."

2. Maintain Your Authenticity

You do not have to be an extrovert to be a great networker. If you are an introvert, lean into it. Your strength might be thoughtful, deep conversations rather than small talk— and that is valuable. I have received so much insight, advice and help from Del during the course of our peer mentorship program.

Instead of trying to be charismatic or “working the room”, focus on meaningful, one-on-one interactions. People remember authenticity more than a flashy elevator pitch.

3. Establish Your Reason for Networking

Networking without purpose or aim feels like a chore. Ask yourself: Why am I networking?

• To expand or deepen client relationships?
• To switch careers?
• To meet new mentors and peers?
• To advance in leadership or acquire new skills?

When you have clarity on your objective, networking becomes intentional and strategic rather than random and exhausting.

4. Give Value First

Networking isn’t just about getting opportunities—it’s about giving value too and relationships are all about reciprocity. What can you offer with ease in terms of value? This should be your motivation.?

What can I offer with ease?

For me, I have access to resources, insights, and opportunities through my broad, global, and diverse network. That allows me to help others first — without necessarily expecting anything in return.

Did you know that money follows value? If you offer genuine value, opportunities, compensation and RoI will come to you naturally.

5. Be Strategic (Not Calculating)

When I say be strategic, I don’t mean being cunning—I mean being intentional. Everything in life requires strategy.

• Identify your low-hanging fruit—the easiest and most natural opportunities for networking.
• Prioritize quality over quantity—it is better to have 5 meaningful connections than 50 superficial ones.
• Choose platforms that align with your objectives—if you are in finance like Del, then high-value industry forums may be more effective than random networking events.

6. Streamline Your Focus

One of the best networking lessons I ever received was from a mentor of mine, Frederick Twum over 12 years ago:

He said, "You don’t have to be everything to everyone."

As a network convener, I used to try to get everyone to join our community. But I learned to niche down, focus, and be selective about who joins the network if our mission is to build African business leaders.

Furthermore, huge conferences can be overwhelming; instead, look for niche networking opportunities that align with your goals.

Many people assume networking means meeting new people. But what about the networks you already belong to?

• Your university or graduate school alumni network
• Former colleagues and industry peers
• Professional organisations
• LinkedIn and online communities

7. Take Action—Start Now!

Many people think about networking but never actually start. If you want to improve your networking, don’t wait until next year. Start now.

Set small, actionable goals:

• Reach out to one person this week for a coffee chat
• Engage in a LinkedIn discussion (even just leaving a comment)
• Join professional group or mastermind
• Attend one curated event where you can meet like-minded professionals

Networking isn’t about attending every event - it’s about making meaningful connections in ways that suit you.?

What’s your preferred way to network? Leave a comment below - I would love to hear your thoughts!